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Chapter 21
June 18, 2017

The Daily Me - Jeanne Poole

Thank you, Jeanne Poole, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, Sony announced its Clean Version Initiative, which makes available less violent, sexy and profane edits of certain movies when you buy the regular version on a streaming service. We would be less likely to rail against this interference in the creative vision of filmmakers if, at the same time, Sony announced its Down and Dirty Version Initiative to add sex, violence and profanity to general audience movies. Let's be honest: The Wizard of Oz would be The Wizard of Awesome if it had Tarantino-level swearing. And, who hasn't fantasized about an R-rated version of The Sound of Music?

Sony, are you listening?

The Daily Me Staff

I Wish I Theresa May, I Wish I Might

How the Conservative Party has done its best to destroy Britain:

call an unnecessary referendum on whether the country should stay in the European Union
run an uninspiring campaign for the country to stay in the European Union
lose the referendum on Britain staying in the European Union
replace the leader who called the unnecessary referendum with a leader who talks tough about negotiating the terms of Britain leaving the European Union, even though she has no leverage
call a snap election because you are ahead by 20 percentage points in the polls
run an uninspiring election campaign
YOU ARE HERE: lose your majority in Parliament, forcing you to ally yourself with a fringe extremist Irish party to stay in power
call an unnecessary referendum on whether the country should defend itself against alien invaders
run an uninspiring campaign for the country to defend itself against alien invaders
lose the referendum on Britain defending itself against alien invaders
replace the leader who called the unnecessary referendum with a leader who talks tough about negotiating the terms of surrender with the aliens even though he has no leverage
welcome Britain's new alien overlords

SOURCE: Politics For Dummies


Damn! Now Quahog Needs A New Mayor!

Holy intimations of mortality, Batman! Adam West has died!

Be. Of. Good. Cheer. Old chum. He. Was. Eighty-eight. Years old. He had. A. Good life.

SOURCE: Obits 'R Us


The Rebel, Without Applause

Porter Airlines is the latest Canadian company to pull its advertising from The Rebel, a right-wing Web site noted for poking sticks in the eyes of anybody who disagrees with it - which is pretty much everybody, really. The company only recently became aware that the service it uses to place advertising online included The Rebel in its package.

"That's not fair!" said Ezra Levant, the conservative behind The Rebel. "Our whole business plan depends upon advertisers not knowing that they're spending money on us!"



If You Don't Like The Policy, Write A Letter And Send It To 100,000 Of Your Close Personal Friends

The Trudeau government has frozen a provision of 2014 anti-spam legislation that allows private citizens to take legal action against businesses using the marketing tactic, and is planning to review the legislation.

Three guesses as to what tactic business used to convince the government to take these actions...

SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler


12. Imagine What Flying Was Like Before Laptops And Tablets, And Curse The People Who Caused The Involuntary Trip Down Memory Flight Path

11 things to do on a 12-hour flight with no laptop or tablet

1. Read a book...about somebody flying with a laptop or tablet.
2. Listen to the child screaming in a seat three rows behind you - there is wisdom in childhood.
3. Watch the same three videos provided on the back of the seat in front of you again - that Sheldon really is hilarious.
4. Drum your fingers on the drop-down table in the seat in front of you to distract yourself from the tedium. (Works especially well when the people around you are easily annoyed.)
5. Look for animal shapes in the clouds below you. When you're bored, you'd be surprised how much every cloud looks like an octopus with only seven tentacles.
6. Make jokes about your explosive temper to a stewardess.
7. Talk to the person next to you. When properly motivated, you can find the trials and tribulations of double entry bookkeeping utterly fascinating.
8. Imagine what the computer games on the back of the seat in front of you will be like when they are finally activated.
9. Calculate the time it will take for the airline to activate the computer games on the back of the seat in front of you (WARNING: advanced calculus may be involved).
10. Try to engage the other passengers in a rousing rendition of The Sex Pistol's "Anarchy in the UK." (Not recommended if you are travelling to or from England.)
11. Write a book...about somebody flying with a laptop or tablet. In your head.

SOURCE: The Web Page of Lists


Take Two Rounds Of Golf - Our Treat - And DON'T Call Us In The Morning

CONDITION: Medico-financial Codependence Syndrome

SYMPTOMS: Doctors have an irrational need for meals, fees for speeches, vacations and other perks paid for by drug manufacturers. When confronted by the fact, affected doctors deny that such income in any way affects the drugs they recommend to their patients and how dare you even suggest such a thing?

TREATMENT: Legislation that reveals these financial arrangements to the public.

PROGNOSIS: The medical system has a good chance of being brought back to full health if the condition is diagnosed in time and an aggressive regimen of treatment is entered into.

SOURCE: The Medical-Industrial Complex


Sounds Like A Good Issue To Duck

To celebrate the 150th anniversary of the founding of the Province of Ontario, the Wynne government has paid for the largest rubber ducky in the world to be displayed in Lake Ontario. Nobody is sure what significance this has, although there is some speculation that the founders of the province liked taking long baths.

It turns out that the rubber ducky the province has paid for isn't even the. largest rubber ducky in the world. Dutch artist Florentijn Hofman claims that it is a counterfeit world's largest rubber ducky, although the company that produced the duck disputes this claim.

Will the Ontario government come clean on what is happening? Or, is this more dirt on their reputation?

SOURCE: Toronto Stunned


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Welcome, Science Fiction Fans!

If you came to Les Pages aux Folles curious about my writing thanks to science fiction or fan fiction, welcome! You can find the complete text of Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be, +

Welcome Back My Friednishes To The Show That Never Ednishes

I now have a Facebook author/fan/whatever you want to call it page: Ira Nayman's Thrishty Friednishes. Go, look around, like it if you feel so inclined and feel free to leave a comment. I have only just started it, so it may be a little sparse at the moment, but I will add content based on what people post they would like to see. Within reason.

Would you be interested in immortality?

The Alternate Reality News Service (ARNS) has two advice columns: Ask Amritsar, a column about love and sex and technology, and; Ask the Tech Answer Guy, a column about +