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Chapter 56
February 18, 2018

The Daily Me - Harold Racine Bupkiss

Thank you, Harold Racine Bupkiss, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, our auto mechanic came over without any warning and, without asking permission, changed the engine of our car. This seemed like a bit of licence to us, but we don't know how our car works, so he may have been right when he told us that it was important for the car's security. We wouldn't have thought anything about it, except that, 20 minutes later, when we were driving to the corner to get some eggs, the car stalled. Then, later that afternoon, it stalled while we were taking Granny Daily Me to her bi-weekly Aikido class. It stalled again the next day. And, three days later. Each time, it took us 20 minutes to warm up the car before we could get it to run properly. And, when we say "run properly," we mean go fine for a little while, then randomly seize up and shut down.

The mechanic insists that this is for our own protection, and, in any case, it's covered in the car's End User Licence Agreement. All we know is: if we get into an accident because of this, we're going to have a long talk with our mechanic, Mister Gates!

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Construction Companies Know All About Red Flags
And, Apparently, False Flags

Opposition to the sale of major Canadian construction company Aecon Group to China Communications Construction, which is 63 per cent owned by the Chinese government, has been led by a man named Michael Beattie. The problem is, there is no evidence that Michael Beattie, who claims to be a major construction executive, exists.

His Crunchbase listing claims Beattie has a mechanical engineering, thinking and pens degree from McGill University, but McGill claims no student by his name ever went through that programme. No student ever went through that programme at all, actually, since the University doesn't offer it. Beattie's LinkedIn profile claims he has an MBA from the University of Western Guelph, but his lawyer hastily admitted that he hadn't finished that degree, possibly to forestall anybody pointing out that there is no such institution.

There are no home addresses listed for Beattie on any of his profiles. When you try to reach him at the business phone number that is listed on his profiles, you get the message: "Even though Michael Beattie is a real person who really does exist, really, trust us on this one, he can't come to the phone right now. Even though we have no idea who you are or why you have made contact, your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and the first available surrogate will answer all of your questions." Then, the connection is cut

"There are real concerns about the deal," said Beattie by telex. "They shouldn't be ignored just because the messenger may or may not have corporeal existence!"

SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal

[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB153400697491297404,00.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
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That's Okay - It's Enough That It's A Fix For Oil Gushing Into My Backyard

"Why blocking pipelines is no fix for climate change" - Globe and Mail

SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines

[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1306433278]
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Kenyan Girls, At That!

A new poll shows that 40 per cent of Republicans want President Trump to testify in the Russia probe, believing that the President's testimony will fully exonerate him from wrongdoing. This is the same 40 per cent that believes that President Obama was responsible for how the Star Trek and Star Wars franchises were taken over by...girls!

SOURCE: Cohan

[http://teamcoho.com/video/dunking-monologue-02-11-18]
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It's Not Like Municipalities Need All That Bone...

The candidate for leadership of the Conservative Party looks across the vast expanse of government expenses, her eyes searching for anomalies. There! In the Ministry of Education! Could that be - but, no. It was just the sun glinting off preliminary budget numbers. But, there! Around the edges of transfers to municipali - no, no, that wasn't it, either.

The candidate for leadership of the Conservative Party looks across the vast expanse of government expenses, her eyes searching for waste. She knows it's there. She just has to find it. She just has to find it...

SOURCE: NOW and THEN

[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=6996086]
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When Regulators Are Away, The Cats Will Pay

Me-ow!

The BC Securities Commission has ruled that feline tokens created in the blockchain-based virtual game CryptoKitties are not securities, and, therefore, not in their jurisdiction to claw at.

"I'm encouraged that the regulator is taking a nuanced approach to governing the emerging blockchain industry," said Bryce Bladon, co-founder of CryptoKitties and the company's director of communications, not at all cattily. "My future ability to buy a small island in the South Pacific depends on it!"

SOURCE: The Financial Riposte

[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=42ddccd7-f6f3-7f4f-9f25-a2eb4cc6a522]
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Ballad Of A Thin Resume

500 Hours

When I get fired, well I know I'm gonna be
The gal who gets fired on national TV
When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be
The one who goes out on Donald's firing spree
If I get fame, well I know I'm gonna be
The one who earned it because nothing comes for free
If I have it all, yeah I know I'm gonna be
The gal who made it on a show of reality

And, I would talk 500 hours
And, I would talk 500 more
Just to be the gal who talked 1,000 hours
To get a great big score

When it works out, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be a gal who works entirely for me
And when the money comes in for my work on the qt
I'll keep almost every penny of it for me
When I come home (when I come home), well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the gal whose White House worked for me
And if I get fired (if I get fired), well you know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the gal who goes back to TV

And, I would talk 500 hours
And, I would talk 500 more
Just to be the gal who talked 1,000 hours
To get a great big score

Omarosa! (Omarosa!) Omarosa! (Omarosa!)
Tweedledum Tweedledum Tweedledum Tweedledum Tweedledum dumb dumb
Omarosa! (Omarosa!) Omarosa! (Omarosa!)
Tweedledum Tweedledum Tweedledum Tweedledum Tweedledum dumb dumb

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/772.html]
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Welcome, Science Fiction Fans!

If you came to Les Pages aux Folles curious about my writing thanks to science fiction or fan fiction, welcome! You can find the complete text of Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be, +

Welcome Back My Friednishes To The Show That Never Ednishes

I now have a Facebook author/fan/whatever you want to call it page: Ira Nayman's Thrishty Friednishes. Go, look around, like it if you feel so inclined and feel free to leave a comment. I have only just started it, so it may be a little sparse at the moment, but I will add content based on what people post they would like to see. Within reason.

Would you be interested in immortality?

The Alternate Reality News Service (ARNS) has two advice columns: Ask Amritsar, a column about love and sex and technology, and; Ask the Tech Answer Guy, a column about +