Cover Stories Only Uses the Most Aged, Aromatic Puns Available
Two err is human, but they don't make a right... Les Pages aux Folles: I mince meat, not words!
Am I the only one who wants to see Nic Cage play Luke Cage?
When criminals dominate American congressional politics, they work on a miscreant Hill...
If you want to know if the person who claims to have an interest in a subject actually knows anything about it, you have to do your due dilettantes...
I was worried about losing my hair as I grew older until I realized that fortune favours the bald...
Would I support a Manhattan mosque? In a New York minaret!
Getting rave reviews? Don't believe your lionize...
He was a great sax player, as he knew alto well...
When it comes to how to pay for the soft, soft fabric, is cash mere?
Filing legal documents claiming ownership of sunshine was a patent absurdity...
When the singer's Caesar's Palace contract was terminated, it was a case of now you Colosseum, now you don't...
If Star Wars had been a musical, a crucial meeting between main characters would have taken place at Mos Def Eisley Spaceport...
When the hysterical chef saw a customer punch his loaf of bread, he responded: "Thanks. I kneaded that..."
[INSERT VILIFIED MINORITY GROUP NAME HERE] are so dumb, they think pillows are stool softeners...
[INSERT VILIFIED MINORITY GROUP NAME HERE] are so dumb, they think somebody you're close to who is a pain in the ass is a frenema...
I often use Rockwell Extra Bold because I love a strong, silent type...
My favourite pasta/80s pop singer: Rigatoni Basil...
The vulture's favourite Kansas song: "Carrion My Wayward Son..."
The doughnut chain would not have been successful if it had been called Timid Hortons...
Grapes don't need a raisin d'etre...
Do you get hives (noun): a rash of round, red welts on the skin that itch intensely, when you get stung by a spelling bee?
Whenever I write about food, I enjoy italicing the spoon...
My favourite chocolate substitute/Saturday Night Live comedian: Carob Schneider...
If John Lennon had been indigenous, would he have written "Powwow to the People?"
If Billy Idol had been Russian, would he have given a "Ruble Yell?"
If Shakespeare had been a baseball coach, he would have written, "To err is human, to allow two runs is to hit the pine."
If Paul Drake had played for Shakespeare, he would have defiantly shouted, "I am not a number, I am a free agent!"
The climber who reached the highest mountain top lived happily Everest after...
The vegan proselytizer was just the tip of the asparagus spear...
If Pixar had been founded in ancient Peru, would it have produced the movie Monsters, Inca...?
The bartender needs to have the right ingredients to be able to render unto bloody Caesar what is bloody Caesar's...
The harshest social critic takes negative commenting on the behaviour of others to the tutmost...
Be more positive about what you're wearing on your head: turn that tam-o-shanter into a tam-o-shallter!
Apathetic? Aww, pathetic!
The quarterback who was high called an edible...
If they had been Jewish, the main characters of The Thin Man would have been Nick and Menorah Charles...
My favourite Dickens novel about a much-maligned Canadian rock band: Nicholas Nickleback...
My favourite baseball coach/South American rodent: Yogi Capybara...
My favourite noir film about self-directed learning: Montessori, Wrong Number...
The particle that was rising to the surface of the sun said, "Up and atom!"
When the ship in the bottle was knocked off the mantle by the family cat, the Captain shouted, "Cotton batten down the hatches!"
The car mechanic who would go on to become a famous actor used a lot of Idris Elba grease...
The best ice cream to come out of Prince Edward Island is a Cavendish best served cold...
Listening to eight hours of Morricone's music could lead to Ennio ennui...
Charles Tupper was Canadian Prime Minister for such a short term, he could be considered an Ottawan hit wonder...
If you borrow a portable data storage unit, returning it is simple diskettiquette...
Having trouble separating the whites and the colours when doing laundry? My sock bleeds for you...
I thought it was a funny joke, but you know what they say about the best laid puns of mice and men...
