Elon Musk Doesn't Like the Way You Cut Your Hair or Your Lawn
Expect a Blistering TwXeet From Him Any Moment, Now

We Don't Want To Kill Large Numbers Of Civilians Quickly With Our Retaliatory Strike
We Prefer To Starve Them To Death Over Time With Our Apartheid-lite Control Over Their Land
But Sometimes History Dictates What A Government Should Do, And We're Happy To Rise To The Occasion

Barak Ravid
@BarakRavid

BREAKING: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu called on Palestinian civilians in Gaza to "leave now" because the Israeli military is going to "turn all Hamas hiding places into rubble"

Then I Promised The Democrats They Could Trust Any Deal I Made With Them To Keep The Speaker's Gavel
I Can't Imagine Why They Didn't


Kevin McCarthy
@SpeakerMcCarthy

I told @elonmusk he would have better luck with the DOJ if he changed his last name to Biden.

So, The Next Speaker Of The House Will Be An NPC Who Exists To Betray The Heroes And Ultimately Be Slain By Accident In The Boss Battle?
Sounds About Right

Rick Wilson
@TheRickWilson

I love that Trump is picking the Speaker of the House. Love it.

Jim Jordan has .00001% of McCarthy's fundraising ability.

He's a creepy little kobold.

He only plays in the MAGA media sphere.

It's going to be GLORIOUS fun.

As Opposed To The Former President Who Literally Has Not Paid You For Your Legal Services?
Rudy, Did The Hair Dye Leak Into Your Brain?

Ron Filipkowski
RonFilipkowski

Rudy says he is suing Joe Biden because he ruined his life by destroying his reputation: "I had a multi-million dollar consulting business, law practice, radio show, and all of them got cut to almost nothing. He owes me a lot of money."

He Was Channelling His Inner Stephen Miller

Mehdi Hasan
@mehdirhasan

I had missed this: among the many crazy and offensive Trump statements in recent days, he also told a right-wing website that undocumented immigrants are "poisoning the blood of our country," which is straight-up white supremacist/neo-Nazi talking point.

What A Missed Opportunity!
He Should Have Boasted That This Was EXACTLY The Kind Of Freeze At The Border That He Supported!

Ryan Mac
@RMac18

Elon Musk went to the Texas-Mexico border to do a livestream about immigration. The video had a few technical difficulties and then eventually froze.

A few minutes ago, Musk sent a three word company-wide email: "Please fix this."

He Also Says Paste Is A Gourmet Delight
Hard To Understand How Anybody Trusts Anything He Says

Ron Filipkowski
@RonFilipkowski

Trump says this is Democrats' position on abortion: "If it's after the 9th month and the baby was born you put the baby aside. You discuss with the mother and if the mother doesn't want the baby we execute the baby. This is part of their thing."

That's How You Can Tell Him Apart From The Republican Frontrunner
Trump Promises Judicial Killings Throughout The Country

Aaron Rupar
@atrupar

DeSantis gets a round of applause from Hannity's studio audience when he promises extrajudicial killings at the border

If We Had Better Courts, We'd Have A Better Class Of Criminals (Current Company Excepted)

Acyn
@Acyn

Eric Trump: Do I think it was a mistake not shutting down the government? 100% they should've. Our deficits are trillions.. The courthouse I was in today, it's disgusting. It smells. You had cables running across all the walls. It's a disgrace.

The Multiverse Is Vast, And Yet...

Ron Filipkowski
@RonFilipkowski

Trump on Biden going shirtless at the beach: "I have a much better body than him."

But TwitterX Doesn't Generate News Of Its Own
This Implies That Your Thinking Occurs In A Vacuu - Ohhhhhh, Umm, That Explains A Lot!

Elon Musk
@elonmusk

I don't read the legacy media propaganda much anymore. It's a waste of time and a sadness generator.

Just get my news from X - much more immediate, has actual world-class subject matter experts and tons of humor.

Sooo much better!

Just As Soon As We Replace The Leader We Just Ousted

House Republicans
@HouseGOP

"House Republicans will continue to step up to lead." - @RepStefanik

Except For The Parts Of Trees That Are Not In Contact With The Forest Floor, But That's Such A Small Amount It's Not Worth Worrying About

Acyn
@Acyn

Trump: We can actually dampen our forests with water that costs us nothing that will come pouring down. If you had dampened floors, you wouldn't have forest fires.

Because It Makes Them Smart Enough Not To Answer Such Questions?

Adam Mockler
@adammocklerr

Trump Supporter: "How come everyone who goes to college is a Biden supporter?"

Obviously, His TwitterX Account Has Been Hacked




Oh, Wait - It Was A Live Interview...

Acyn
@Acyn

Jr: If you vote for Democrats, you are voting to send your conservative uncle to reeducation camps

The Satire Gods Are Kind

Sarah Ferris
@sarahnferris

NEWS: Trump is considering a visit to the Capitol early next week where *he is open to pitching himself as a speaker candidate,* according to a R familiar.

When Did Humility Stop Being A Virtue?
Was There A Memo? I'd Hate To Think I'd Missed THAT Memo!

Mike Pence
@Mike_Pence

Pence called "a better hope" for America - RIVER COUNTRY - NEWS CHANNEL NEBRASKA

Well, That Took A Turn!
(EXHIBIT #237 Of Why Political Mad Libs Rarely Produce Good Policy)

Donald Trump Jr.
@DonaldJTrumpJr

As we perpetually indoctrinate our children with weakness, feminize our boys, attack masculine men, glorify trans insanity, etc. just understand that one day the savages of Israel will be on your front door & your loved ones will have ZERO capability of defending themselves. That's the future the left is creating for you.

Absolutely Not
They Are Treating Him With A Deference That Few Accused Ever Get





Sorry, Not The Answer You Were Looking For?

Sen. Marsha Blackburn
@Marsha Blackburn

Does anyone seriously believe that prosecutors are treating Trump impartially?

Nothing Says You're Out To Destroy The Left Quite Like Quoting Leon Trotsky

EssenViews
@essenviews

Ron DeSantis says he will "destroy leftism" in US if elected president.

"I will be able to destroy leftism in this country and leave woke ideology in the dustbin of history."