Headlines Headed for the Foothills

Why Are You Bombing Places They Are Likely To Be Held?
"Death Is A Kind Of Freedom..."

"Israel resists U.S. pressure to pause
No ceasefire until hostages are free, Netanyahu vows" - Toronto Star

Drivers Of The World Unite!
You Have Nothing To Lose But Your Primary Mode Of Transportation!

"Watch this space: Is Toronto due for a parking revolution?
City eyes higher prices, other reforms in effort to curb car use" - Toronto Star

And It Certainly Isn't An Issue Of Ms.

"Why Crombie thinks Ford is fixated on her
'He has an issue with strong women,' she says - Toronto Star

Becuz De One Never Leadz Do De Oder
Sorry About That: Enunciating With Your Tongue In Your Cheek Is Hard!

"Driver describes rapper's 2020 death
Man says he was expecting drug deal, not fatal shooting" - Toronto Star

Executives Shrug And Coyly Claim, "Everybody's Saying It, So It Must Be True!"

"Bank says bonuses part of staying competitive" - Toronto Star

The Slur Your Words And Cry On The Shoulder Of A Complete Stranger Level

"Beer moves culture war in U.S. to new level" - Toronto Sun

We're Not Going To Give You An Actual Number, Because That Would Be A Dehumanizing Statistic

"Gaza toll rises as war widens" - Toronto Star

Starving To Death Works, Too
And If You're Feeling Adventurous, Throwing Yourself Off A Bridge So Your Family Can Collect On Your Insurance Is Always Possible

"Bankruptcy is not your only option" - Toronto Star

You Can Still Micromanage Their Sexuality And What Books They Can Read In School - Try To Take Comfort In That

"Stop Micromanaging Halloween - Let Your Kids Be Free" - New York Times

That's Okay - That's What The Elephant Is For

"Truly incredible range, not much storage at all-male2024 IONIQ 6 is one of the most aerodynamic new cars, with attention to detail and build quality second to none, but you'll miss the trunk space" - Toronto Star

The Park Isn't So Bad As Long As You Have A Warm Sleeping Bag And The Cops Aren't Feeling Frisky...

"Political will needed to solve housing crisis" - Toronto Star

No, The Price They're Going To Pay Is For International Political Cowardice

"Civilians shouldn't pay 'price of justice,' PM says
Trudeau stops short of call for ceasefire, meets Canadians with family in Gaza" - Toronto Star

Because Paying Their Fair Share Of Taxes Is Still Off The Table?

"Make donating to food banks a habit for 'haves'" - Toronto Star

Israel Was One Of Its Biggest Supporters

"A poor choice for human rights chair
UN stands by tone-deaf decision to let Iran head forum, despite decades of violations" - Toronto Star

Sell It To Somebody Who Doesn't Want To Enable Fascists?

"How Musk can rescue rebranded app" - Toronto Star

The Season's Already A Success!

"MAPLE LEAFS
No panic after first 10 games"
- Toronto Star

Not That They Want Palestinians Living Next Door
It's More Of A Long Distance Relationship

"Arabs Rally Around Palestinians in Conflict" - New York Times

So Many People Incapable Of Letting Go Of Desire...

"Canadians need actions, not words" - Toronto Star

"Ontario needs electoral reform" - Toronto Star

"Climate report paints grim picture
Action needed now to pull planet back from brink, UN says" - Toronto Star

"We need a serious talk about crime" - Toronto Star

"Pickup game shows the need for proof of vaccination" - Toronto Star

"A revamped Ontario Place needs to be for all" - Toronto Star

"Alberta's oilpatch needs to invest in itself" - Toronto Star

"Condo sector needs improved oversight" - Toronto Star

"It's a rewarding job, but even doctors need to retire" - Toronto Star

Be Fair! We've Sent Some Good Artists, Too...

"Canada hasn't stopped sending trash overseas" - Toronto Star

American Evangelicals Smile And Think, Our Proof Of Concept Worked! Some Day, That Will Be Us

"NIGERIA
Mass arrests target LGBTQ people" - Toronto Star

Palestinians Have A Right To Defend Themselves From Israel
Saaaaaaayyyy - Wasn't This Standoff In A Tarantino Flick?

"Israel has right to defend itself from Hamas" - Toronto Star

And Mike Johnson Will Make Sure It's Paid In Full In A Way Most Painful!

"The country owes a debt to the Republicans who rejected Jim Jordan" - Washington Post

What Are You Talking About?
Those Memos Don't Write Themselves!

"Back-to-office edicts don't boost productivity" - Toronto Star

Alberta Premier Sure Has Her Finger On The Pulse Of That Dead Horse

"Smith vows to protect parents' rights
Pronouns-in-school policy tops list of resolutions voted on by delegates at UCP convention" - Toronto Star

We Prefer To Embolden Benjamin Netanyahu
It's A Norman Bates Versus Hannibal Lecter Kind Of Choice, Really, But In International Politics You Have To Work With What You've Got

"Arab countries seek immediate ceasefire
U.S. warns pause may embolden Hamas" - Toronto Star

Ron DeSantis...Vivek Ramaswamy...Tim Scott...Doug Burgum...Asa Hutch -
Oh, Wait, I Thought You Were Talking About The 5 Clowns Of America's Election

"The 5 Clones in Argentina's Election" - New York Times

And Being Better Dancers
Unfortunately, Life Is About Suffering, Not Sufferage

"Most would be happier not working" - Toronto Star