Headlines, Oh Headlines
Wherefore Thine Art, Headlines?

You Know It's Humanitarian Because They're Free To Eat As Much Dirt As They Want

"Defense Minister Says Israel Plans to Concentrate All Gaza's Population in 'Humanitarian' Zone Built on Rafah's Ruins" - Haaretz

Netanyahu Says: "Hold My Beer"

"Russian bombing dulls hope of peace" - Toronto Star

Who Is Relocated Depends Upon Who Survives The Camp

"Plan said to outline 'humanitarian transit' camps to house Gazans before possible relocation" - The Times of Israel

 1. Lower The Target
2. By A Lot
3. Seriously, Take A Flamethrower To That Sucker
4.
5.

"Five things Canada can do to beat its climate target" - Toronto Star

You See? Star Wars Movie Titles Could Have Been Worse!

"Rise of the 'run-cation'" - Toronto Star

 Would You Like Us To Go To War With Anybody In Particular?< br /> I Hear Iceland Is Nice Land This Time Of Year...

"The time for Ottawa's war games is over" - Globe and Mail

If You Look Around The Pot Of Boiling Water And You Don't See Any Green, You're The Frog

"Earth Is Being Cooked at a Quickening Pace - New York Times

To Be Fair, I Really Needed A Delicatessen

"Feeling empty after visit with new doctor" - Toronto Star

 Trump Says Tariffs Require Rate Cuts
Demands Powell Take A Remedial Economics Course

"Powell says Fed would have cut rates by now if not for tariffs" - Globe and Mail

"Why Would I Want To Remember Those Mangy Mutts?" Premier Responds

"Premier urged to recall MPPs" - Toronto Star

Wanting To Is Just The Icing On The Turd

"We can't play by America's rules any more
It's time for Canada to move beyond the U.S. - not because we want to, but because we have to if we're going to thrive" - Toronto Star

And Then Humans Come Along And Destroy It

"Frozen Pig Kidneys Give Hope for the Future of Humans" - New York Times

They Need To Think Like George Bailey

"We need to rethink wealth to give young Canadians hope" - Toronto Star

Unfortunately, It's In A Graveyard

"Finding common ground on Israel and Palestine" - Toronto Star

 Go To A Bar And Look For Bad Dates
Okay, That's An Old Proposal, But At Least You'll Get A Couple Drinks Out Of The Deal

"Tired of apps and bad dates? Here's a new proposal" - Toronto Star

To Be Fair, The United States Was Never Exactly The United States, Either

"We'll never be the United States" - Toronto Star

Could A Headline Be Any More Canadian?

"I cried so hard when Bambi's mom died that my mother promised to buy me a new hockey stick" - Toronto Star

Complaining About Unhoused People In Tents A Close Second

"Hiking a popular activity in park" - Toronto Star

It Doesn't Make The Rhinos Getting Jiggy With It Any Easier, Either

"Dehorning Of Rhinos Deters Poaching" - New York Times

 To Sum Up: Military Procurement Must Focus On Quantum Products Made In Other Provinces
Difficult, But Doable

"Provinces must spur true internal free trade" - Globe and Mail

 "It's not your grandfather's war any more. Defence procurement must evolve" - Globe and Mail

 "The future is quantum. Our country must seize and industrialize it" - Globe and Mail

Just One More Thing They'll Need Therapy For When They're Older...

"The thrill of adventure, with the kids in tow
I was told motherhood would clip my wings, but I was determined to continue travelling the world" - Toronto Star

...Especially If You Travel In A Certain Part Of The World

"Israel limits entry of baby formula in Gaza as infants die of hunger" - Le Monde

Again With The Deregulation? *YAAAAAAAAAAWN*!

"Carney can't build without breaking a few eggs
We are faced with a set of 'wicked problems.' To solve them, we'll need to challenge the way Canada usually does things." - Toronto Star

I Guess Dylan Was Right: You Really Don't Need A Weatherman To Know Which Way The Wind Blows!

"A.I.'s Potential to Make Meterology Faster and More Exact" - New York Times

The Three Canadian Companies That Aren't Owned By Foreign Corporations Better Get On The Innovation Train Right Away!

"Canada's inertia problem
Protectionism and a lack of competition are making life expensive for Canadians" - Toronto Star

For Israel, That's Known As A "Win-Win"

"Israel's strike on bustling Gaza cafe killed a Hamas operative - but dozens more people were killed" - BBC News (World)