The Daily Me - Martin Loofah Ling

Thank you, Martin Loofah Ling, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, somebody, somewhere, called somebody a "big galoot." And that made us wonder, If there's such a thing as a big galoot, can there be a little galoot? Maybe a galoo? Maybe somebody bred miniature galoots so they could be used as pets. It happens. Of course, in supersized America, things probably go in the opposite direction, with giant galoots and even megagaloots.

What? No! We're not trying to avoid the latest news about Donald Trump and Ghislaine Maxwell. We just...have always had a deep interest in the vagaries of language, and...and...oh, Gord, what's happened now?

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

...The People Who Least Deserve Them, No Doubt

With Apologies To...

Shooting Palestinian children in the head?
Would you rather it was Israelis instead?
Regardless of our haters' arrogance,
Israel has a right to self-defence!
(Just ignore the number of dead.)

Listening closely? You get the gist.
Sophistry's all in a day's work for a Zionist apologist.

Shooting at Palestinians who are up to no good -
How dare starving people try to approach food?
For what little they've got, they should happily settle -
Do you think we had anything to eat in the shtetl?
Supporting humanitarian aid programs in Gaza is just plain rude!

For the mill, anything people on the other side do is grist.
You have to use whatever tools are at hand, when you're a Zionist apologist.

You claim that there is an ongoing Jewish genocide,
When that is actually what you are doing to the other side.
No lie you tell is considered out of bounds.
And when you cannot argue, you change the debate's grounds;
When you do what you do, you cannot afford the luxury of pride.

You argue with all the elegance of an iron fist
When you're a Zionist apologist.

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/969.html]
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Most Radio Stations Try To Live Up To Their Contrived Call Letters, But You Have To Wonder Why Some Bother...

JEAN-CLAUDE "VON DICK" DE-LA-SKIBOL: In our next set: "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," a song Pat Benatar has stopped playing live.

REGINALD "DICK" KEFAUVER: Why is that, Jean-Claude von Dick?

DE-LA-SKIBOL: She says it promotes violence against women, Reginald Dick.

KEFAUVER: Oh.

Pause.

KEFAUVER: Why are we playing it, then?

DE-LA-SKIBOL: What?

KEFAUVER: If the woman who wrote and recorded the song doesn't want it played any more, why are we playing it?

DE-LA-SKIBOL: Because it - it's a song. We play songs. We're a radio station. Playing songs is what we do.

KEFAUVER: But why that song? If the person who wrote it is now against it, don't you think we should be, too?

DE-LA-SKIBOL: Oh, so you're a philosopher, now?

KEFAUVER: (flustered) Oh, well, I -

DE-LA-SKIBOL: Last week, you were seeing if you could break a world's record for how many French fries you could stick up your nose, and now you're fricking Albert Einstein‽

KEFAUVER: Was he a philosopher?

DE-LA-SKIBOL: You're the expert - you tell me.

Pause.

DE-LA-SKIBOL: When we come back, we'll play...music. If that's okay with the philosopher-king over there.

KEFAUVER: I never -

ANNOUNCER: (over him) You're listening to C-DICK - Big Dick Radio!

SOURCE: C-DIK - Big Dick Radio

[http://www.edgy095.com/]
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The Sky's The Limit For This Company...Literally

At first, TwitterSpaceX rockets blew up on takeoff. Lately, they've been blowing up on reentry. It gives new meaning to the phrase "failing upwards."

SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report

[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/110711/geeklynews/01elonmuskhahayikes.htm]
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Some People Need To Learn When To Leavitt Well Enough Alone

Context can be a bitch.

Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt might have been more credible talking about journalists propagating political disinformation if she hadn't been propagating the lie that former President Barack Obama was part of a conspiracy to steal the 2020 election from Donald Trump. Trump posting a video of Obama being arrested and sitting in jail just underscored how little merit there is to those charges. Underscored it, bolded it and used huge black arrows to point to it in case anybody was inclined to miss the point.

And what's with the Trump administration's obsession with prizes? First, the President asked, "If Barack Hussein Obama won one Nobel Peace Prize at the river, how can it be said that Donald Trump should win five Nobel Peace Prizes at the sea? It can be said because I have lips and vocal chords, that's how it can be said! See?"

Now, the Press Secretary is using her vast experience with patronizing speech and hair flipping to determine who is worthy of a Pulitzer Prize and who is not? I'm sure she would be happy to see the kid from the I'm Just So Happy to Be In the Room I Hope I Don't Wet Myself If I'm Called On To Ask a Question web site win a Pulitzer Prize, but they aren't generally awarded for stenography.

Context. You can't beat it.

SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism

[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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If THIS Is How You Keep Up Office Morale, You May Want To Consider Torching The Building!

So, President Donald Trump sent his former lawyer turned Justice Department flunky Todd Blanch to meet with Ghislaine Maxwell, Jeffrey Epstein's partner in a sex trafficking ring of underage girls. This led me to the question: how many Democratic leaders will she have to name as being involved in the ring to receive a pardon? And of course, anything that can be quantified can be turned into an office pool! Bets in the pool range widely, from 3 (some people like throwing away their money, I guess) to 537. The average number is 129.

In a related pool, I asked whether Maxwell would be given clemency or an outright pardon. So far, 97% of the participants in this pool have chosen the pardon; I suspect few of them know what clemency is. I may have to take a loss on this one - oh, well. Anything to keep office morale up!

For a side-bet, I asked how many Republicans Maxwell would have to name in order to get a pardon. Nobody has taken me up on it. That just goes to show the intelligence behind Wawaneesa that has made us the third most profitable company in our product category!

SOURCE: The Wawaneesa Group Monthly Newsletter

[http://mnc.com/flexmere/ontologicon/wawaneesa/internal/newsletters/July2025.txt]
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