The Daily Me - Theanderblast Mischgedeigle Sump

Thank you, Theanderblast Mischgedeigle Sump, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we officially became old. We don't know how it happened - we certainly hadn't planned on it. But the evidence was incontrovertible: the government started paying us. For being old! Of course, it's barely enough to allow us to rent a shoebox and eat powdered ramen seven days a week. Still, being paid just to be old? What more proof do you need that Canada is a civilized country?

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

I Get That He's Compensating For Not Getting A GI Joe To Play With When He Was Young, But...

Secretary of War Pete "In So Far Over My Head I'll Never See the Surface Again" Hegseth gathered hundreds of top military brass from around the world for what was billed as a vital meeting for American national security. What did he say to them?

"Manly men doing manly things. Grrr! Men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men! No girls! Oooh, girls! Girls bad! Bad, girls, bad! Only men! Men, men, men, men, men! Manly, men, men! Kill! Maim! Destroy! Mightiest fighting force in the history of the world! Because: men! Manly men, doing manly men things! No more DEI! No more rules of engagement! No more restraints on manly men doing manly things! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Oh, and everybody in the military will have to take biannual physicals to ensure that they are ready to kill, kill, kill! Because: men!"

His speech was greeted with a distinct lack of standing ovation.

SOURCE: The Hill You Die On

[https://thehillyoudieon.com/homenews/administration/448849-but-how-does-the-secretary-really-feel]
more

You'd Think A Seasoned Troll Would Be Comfortable Living In The Shadows, But...

POILIEVRE: we need to cut immigration to Canada drastically! And we should only allow those immigrants into the country who can immediately contribute to the economy! We don't need millions more lazy -

TRUMP: We have masked men roaming the streets, kidnapping anybody who looks or sounds illegal and sending them to a prison hellhole in El Salvador. That is how you deal with immigrants!

POILIEVRE: Harrumph. Ah, yes, well...that is certainly something to aspire to. At some point. In the future. In the meantime, the Liberals are spending far too much, driving up the deficit and putting the future of our children at risk. We need to cut spen -

TRUMP: We cut over a trillion dollars out of the budget, taking the money out of social services and the social safety net so we could pay for a four trillion dollar tax cut for the wealthiest individuals and corporations in the country. Best thing I ever did - and everything I do is the best thing I ever do!

POILIEVRE: Could somebody shut this guy up! He's trampling all over my message!

SOURCE: Glob and Maul

[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20251001.eladvote1001_@/BNStory/newsOops2025/]
more

You Know When Even The Libertarians Toe The Trump Line, The End Of Democracy Is Nigh
Sigh

"People say, 'Oh, people have a right to say things.' Well, actually they don't necessarily have a right to say things. Many people have in their contract what we call a morals clause ... I think it is time for this to be a crackdown on people." - Rand Paul

SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
more

Especially When You Find Yourself Eleven Runs Down With Less Than A Minute To Go In The Fourth Quarter

Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre is kvetching that Prime Minister Mark Carney's recent international trips have not helped Canada, and that the PM should focus on domestic issues. "So, Carney gets nothing for Canada in his costly trip to he U.K." Poilievre smirked.

What can you expect from a leader who thinks that foreign trade refers to sending your top goalie to an American team for a player to be named later?

SOURCE: Toronto Startle

[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1087594834843&call_pageid=968335274292&col=968333972154]
more

I'm Going To Go With a), Even Though b) , Sandwiched Between The Others, Is The Most Frequently Neglected Answer

1 if by land, 2 if we'll wait and see) Which of the following is the most egregious omission in a politician's public statement? a) Conservative House Leader Andrew Scheer, lambasting the Liberals for passing legislation that allows the Prime Minister to selectively apply laws, giving "himself the same power that dictators the world over" have. What Scheer forgot to say is that his party supported the law, and he himself voted for it. Oops
b) United States Secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy, taking credit for new Acela trains. What Duffy forgot to say is that funding for new trains was included in the Infrastructure Investment and Jobs Act signed into law by then-President Joe Biden - Duffy and current President Donald Trump had nothing to do with it. Oops2
c) Conservative MP Larry Brock criticized the government's hate crime legislation, stating: "Let's not forget, there's absolutely zero reference to Christianity. Christianity is under attack in this country." What Brock forgot to say is that the bill doesn't specifically mention any religions; Christianity would presumably included in its general aims. Oops3
d) all of the above. Oopsmate

 1 for the road grave) What is "Double Tap?" a) the sequel to horror classic Zombieland
b) the Israeli government's policy of bombing a school or hospital, waiting for medics and other emergency personnel to arrive to help the victims, then bombing it a second time
c) the sequel to the comedy classic Spinal Tap (which was its own kind of horror)

 SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
more

ENGLISH: Gaslighting The West Is Fun! RUSSIAN: Gaslighting The West Is Fun!

When Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov addressed the United Nations General Assembly, many of his statements seemed to reflect...something less than reality. Here is a translation from the English version that was reported to the actual Russian version.

ENGLISH: Russia does not intend to attack Europe. RUSSIAN: All of the former Soviet States are ours, not Europe's - we will do whatever we deem necessary to get them back.

ENGLISH: Russia will mount a decisive response to any aggression. RUSSIAN: Shooting down any of our drones will be seen as an act of aggression, even if they are in your airspace. Sucks being you.

ENGLISH: Some European countries have turned diplomacy into kissing up to their friends from Washington. RUSSIAN: Hey, tovarisch, that was our play book! Find your own way to deal with Trump!

SOURCE: The Postington Wash

[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2007Jan01.html]
more