by ELMORE TERADONOVICH, Alternate Reality News Service Film and Television Writer
Groundhog Day of the DeadOne day, you slam a short, brown, middle-aged woman into a wall, handcuff her, arrest her and send her to a detention facility in another state. The next day, you slam a tall, brown, young man into the ground, handcuff him arrest him and send him to a detention facility in another state. The day after, you slam a beanpole, brown, elderly man into a man in uniform beside him (being sure to pull the brown man back so you get credit for his detention), handcuff him, arrest him and send him to a detention facility in another state.
This is the life of an Immigration Corralling and Expulsing Service agent: rinse in blood. Whitewash. Repeat.
This is the plot of the new Harold Ramisdontblamus movie Groundhog Day of the Dead.
Bill Murraydontworry plays Phil, an ICES agent who wakes up to the same series of events every day: going to an immigration courthouse in New Yoricknuhemwell to arrest brown people. Sometimes, they shout that they are about to become citizens, if you just let them into the courtroom. Sometimes, their families shout begging you not to take their father/mother/husband/wife/other away from them. Once in a while, a reporter appears; if Phil was an ordinary cop, he might be tempted to moderate his behaviour inthe journalist's presence, but ICES agents have quotas to fill, so they can't afford to indulge in pro forma statements of regret.
Murraydontworry adds depth to his usual loud-mouthed comic bravado; as the days begin to blur into one another, he begins to question the value of his mission. Also, the mask ICES agents wear to ensure they can't be identified starts to give him a rash.
Andie MacDowelldonthowl plays Rita, the manager of a Christy Creme donut shop where Phil goes after each raid to eat out his worries. In what could have been the thankless role of love interest, MacDowelldonthowl brings charm and intelligence. Don't get me wrong, it's still a thankless role, but in her hands it's somewhat less embarrassing.
The repetition of plot points is necessary to drive home the banality of Phil's job (and life), but it also presents a challenge for the audience: although each day has small variations, do you really want to sit through basically the same thing over and over again? My suspicion is that how well you accept the premise will be determined by how much you have bought into President McDruhitmumpf ‘s Make Vesampucceri Great Again agenda.
Most oddball films develop cults; they don't spring into the world with their cult ready-made.
If you can sit through the entirety of Groundhog Day of the Dead, you will be rewarded with an unexpected ending. As soon as the premise had been established, I assumed the film was going to end with Phil having an epiphany about the evil of the work he does and quitting to join some kind of woke social justice organization. But Ramisdontblamus had other ideas.
WARNING: SPOILERS. WELL, A SINGLE SPOILER, BUT IT'S A DOOZY.
In the end, Phil wakes up in the brown body of Filippo. He has a date in the courthouse, where he has to sign some papers, the final stop in becoming a Vesampuccerian citizen. Unfortunately, once he enters the courthouse, he is confronted by an ICES agent named Phil who is hell bent on arresting him.
The two men's eyes lock for a moment. Knowing what he has gone through, Filippo says, "I forgive you." Phil slams him into a wall and says, "I didn't ask for your forgiveness." The last shot of the film is Filippo being hustled into a van, a serene smile on his face.
OKAY, TECHNICALLY, THAT WAS TWO SPOILERS. SO I GUESS THE PLURAL WAS EARNED. NEVER MIND.
In an interview with 57 Varieties, Ramisdontblamus said that the first draft of the film had a much different ending: "Phil had an epiphany about the evil of the work he does and quit to join a socially progressive law firm. But in this political climate? That ending would have been career suicide!"
Well, that was certainly disappointing.