Thank you, Halloween Humbuggage, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, when we were changing into our PJs (not our PBandJs, which we only wear on the weekend), we discovered that our belly button was bleeding. We were pretty sure we hadn't just been born (or, perhaps, born again), so there did not seem to be a reason for it. We cleaned out our belly button as best we could and went about our evening.
The next day, we could see very clearly the scab down the inside of our belly button. It was a clean cut. Precise. It could only have been made by a ninja. Or a cat. We had been holding a cat the day we were cut. A beauty. Tiny thing. Black with white paws. Young. If it was any more adorable, we would have had to wear glasses just to be able to look at it directly. Which left us with only one question.
Why would a ninja get close enough to us to kill us, but only cut our belly button?
Enjoy,Some Day, The Chickenhawks Will Come Home To Roost...
War Secretary Pete Hegseth said that he ordered a strike on a pod of whales in the waters off Venezuela, claiming that they were carrying drugs that would have devastated America. President Donald Trump went further in a post on Truth Antisocial when he wrote: "They carry the drugs in their stomachs. Have you ever seen MOBY DICK? There's so much room in there, so much room, a single whale could carry enough drugs to kill 250 to 500 MILLION AMERICANS! We must harpoon those big white bastards before they destroy our country!"
This is the fourth attack in international waters since President Trump said he was treating drug traffickers as unlawful combatants and unleashing the mighty smitey might of the American military against them. How did all of the people who voted for Trump in part because he claimed he would end all wars respond?
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/news/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1101949804363870.xml]
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X May Look Cool In A Corporate Logo, But It Doesn't Work Nearly As Well On A Financial Spreadsheet
During the first Trump administration, NASA made a decision to rely on private companies to get the United States back to the moon. As it turns out, the effort, led by Elon Musk's SpaceX, is years behind and millions of dollars over budget. Who could possibly have predicted this?
Other than everybody, I mean.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/110711/geeklynews/01elonmuskhahaurk.htm]
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Nothing Lasts Forever...Except Alberta's Hatred Of Ottawa...
Forever Canada, a campaign to keep Alberta in Confederation despite rising separatist feelings in the province, is close to achieving its goal of collecting enough signatures to force a referendum on the subject. Unfortunately, it is missing the one signature that matters: Premier Danielle Smith.
SOURCE: Festerin' Report
[http://www.ax2grindnet.com/festerinreport/web/feature222222222222-22222222.html]
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Q: How do you do can you justify us helping Argentina? Some of our wealthy Americans have interests down there and Trump is helping them. Should be we doing this?
Trump's Treasury Secretary: Well, first, first of all, thus, uh, this trope that we're helping out wealthy Americans couldn't be more false. America first doesn't mean America alone.
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/let-the-bessents-eat-cake/]
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Comparisons To Fascism Not App
0 comment) Apple has removed an App that lets users anonymously report and monitor activity by Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers. The company said it removed apps like ICEBlock due to the potential for risks that were raised by law enforcement. What risks would those be?SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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The Shrill Shill Will Haunt Us Still
A bill filed in the Oklahoma legislature says every public university in the state must have a Charlie Kirk Memorial Plaza with a statue of the far-right commentator and his family. Not to be outdone, Oklahoma State Superintendent Ryan Walters has announced that every high school in the state will now be required to have a Turning Points USA chapter.
Peter Thiel sat back in his throne and said, "Mission accomplished."
When David Koch pointed out from his throne that the poor weren't starving in the streets yet, Thiel sighed and replied, "That was your dream, David, not mine. Still, we're working on it. You at least have to give us that: we're working on it..."
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2025-10-03-nothing-goes-better-with-koch_x.htm]
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Madison Sure Had A Way With Words!
According to White House spokesghoul Stephen Miller, things like the right to free speech or freedom of assembly, or due process under the law are "all that bullshit." Finally! Somebody willing to interpret the Constitution the way the Founding Fathers meant it to be interpreted (remember Madison railing against "the shite of Rightes" in The Federalist Papers?)!
It may not have been wise for Miller to talk smack about gangbangers, though. Any of them who had spent time in prison would take one look at him and dismiss the possibility of using him as a toothpick. Okay, if they made the mistake of turning their back on him to walk away, he could always try to sink his fangs into their necks, but he's more likely to break a tooth than draw blood.
Talk about an armchair ghoul!
Credit where credit is due: Miller wears his fascism like a string of skulls around his neck. Republicans who wear their fascism like a crown of thorns might want to take lessons in how to own it from him. This would at least lessen the cognitive dissonance for the rest of us!
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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