What the Heck Do You Know? About Warren Peace in the Middle East
1) US President Donald Trump ordered Israel to stop bombing Gaza after Hamas accepted some aspects of his proposed peace plan. What made Trump think he had the authority to do this?
a) the Master of the World doesn't need anybody's permission! Who do you think you are, peon? Master of the Galaxy or something?
b) all of the people around him telling him he had the authority to do it after he had already done it
c) Nobel Peace Prizes don't win themselves, you know - you have to work at winning one!
d) other
2) How did Israel respond to President Trump's order to stop bombing Gaza?
a) Prime Minister Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu offered him his own comedy show on Israeli television when his term of office was up
b) Prime Minister Netanyahu suggested he replace Stephen Colbert as a late night talk show on American television when his term of office was up
c) Israel intensified its bombing of Gaza City as a gesture of good faith in the peace process
3) How did Palestinians respond?
a) those whose starvation wasn't severe enough to incapacitate them cheered
b) those whose starvation was severe enough to incapacitate them lolled their heads in a gesture that could be interpreted as approval
c) those who had died of starvation (or bombing or bullets to the head or heart) were still dead
4) A spokesman for United Nations Secretary-General Antonio Guterres said that he "urges all parties to seize the opportunity to bring the tragic conflict in Gaza to an end." How did Israel respond?
a) Prime Minister Netanyahu laughed uproariously for many seconds, until he eventually sobered and commented, "Oh, wait. You're serious, aren't you?"
b) an anonymous spokesperson for the government tweeted: "The United Nations is still a thing? How is the United Nations still a thing?"
c) Israel intensified its bombing of Gaza City as a gesture of its acceptance of the authority of the UN
5) How did Palestinians respond?
a) those whose starvation wasn't severe enough to incapacitate them cheered
b) those whose starvation was severe enough to incapacitate them lolled their heads in a gesture that could be interpreted as approval
c) those who had died of starvation (or bombing or bullets to the head or heart) were still dead
6) According to President Trump, "If this LAST CHANCE agreement is not reached, ALL HELL like no one has ever seen before, will break out against Hamas. THERE WILL BE PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST ONE WAY OR ANOTHER." What made Trump think he had the authority to do this?
a) the worm in RFK Jr.'s brain told him he had the authority to do it before he had done it
b) all of the people around him telling him he had the authority to do it after he had already done it
c) if there was no peace before the second anniversary of the attack on Israel, his Nobel Peace Prize bid would lose a lot of its poignancy, and he wasn't going to allow that on his watch!
7) The Israeli government has announced that the release of the remaining hostages in Gaza is just days away. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu also announced that this would not end the war, that it would continue until Hamas was destroyed. How should all of the Zionists who had been claiming that the war would end if only that darn Hamas would release all the hostages feel about this news?
a) chagrined
b) betrayed
c) humbled
d) all of the above
8) How will all of the Zionists who had been claiming that the war would end if only that darn Hamas would release all the hostages actually feel about this news?
a) relieved
b) delighted
c) triumphant
d) all of the above
9) Part of the peace plan requires that Gaza be placed under international governance, overseen by Trump and former British Prime Minister Tony Blair. Where is Trump going to find the time for this? Doesn't he already have a lot on his plate, you know, being the leader of the free world and stuff?
a) as a matter of fact, now that the US government has shut down, Trump has a lot of time on his hands, so this is the perfect task to keep him out of trouble!
b) Blair will do all the work - Trump will pop up every so often to hold a press conference where he can claim that things are going perfectly, everything you hear to the contrary is a hoax, fake news, the fakest, and how come he doesn't have a Nobel Peace Prize yet?
c) not really: when the situation breaks down and Israel kills or resettles all of the Palestinians, he can always blame the genocide on Joe Biden
10) An estimated 400,000 people have fled Gaza City since Israel started bombing the shit out of - sorry, since Israel launched a major military offensive against it. Hundreds of thousands are trapped in the hellhole with no way to esca - sorry, have chosen to remain behind. Why would they do this?
a) for the entertainment: fireworks every night!
b) for the fine dining: you'd be amazed at what you can do with rice and water (or, if necessary, dirt and...more dirt)
c) they have a choice?
