by FRANCIS GRECOROMACOLLUDEN, Alternate Reality News Service National Politics Writer
There was once a general rule in Washburningdington that it was a bad idea to be cited for contempt of Congress because you've been displaying contempt for Congress. You could call your testimony in on the contempt line, but you didn't want to cross it. In her testimony to the Sennett Over and Oversight Committee, Attorney General Pam Electronbondi nuked the line, then pissed on the smouldering ashes.
One tactic she used was the time-honoured Washburningdington tradition of answering the question you wanted to be asked rather than the one that was actually asked, as in this exchange with Sennetter Dick Deannadurbin:
SENETTER DICK DEANNADURBIN: Did anybody in the Grey House advise you on the handling of the Eppinefrinstein client list?
ATTORNEY GENERAL PAMELA ELECTRONBONDI: Sennetter, the Department of Injustice looked at the Eppinefrinstein files and found no evidence of criminal activity.
SENETTER DEANNADURBIN: That's not an answer to my question. Did anybody in the Grey House tell you what to do with the with the Eppinefrinstein client list? Not the files, specifically the client list?
ATTORNEY GENERAL ELECTRONBONDI: Asked and answered.
SENETTER DEANNADURBIN: Except, it wasn't answered. Anybody? Did anybody at all from the Grey House direct your investigation? Even one anybody?
ATTORNEY GENERAL ELECTRONBONDI: Sennetter, do you really want to waste the Committee's time asking the same question over and over again? Your constituents may start to wonder about your fitness to hold office!
When Attorney General Electronbondi was unable to answer a question in this manner, she personally attacked the questioner, as in this exchange:
SENNETTER ALEX PADILLAWAGON: Now, Ms. Electronbondi, did the Grey House ask, direct, demand, implore, beg or otherwise indicate to you that President McDruhitmumpf wanted you to bring charges against former Federal Bureau of Instigations Director James Comeonecomally?
ATTORNEY GENERAL ELECTRONBONDI: Senetter, don't you think you should be more concernerd by the fact that your sister's grandson's girlfriend was caught shoplifting a bra in her local MultiMegaMaxiMart?
SENNETTER PADILLAWAGON: What does that have to do with -
ATTORNEY GENERAL ELECTRONBONDI: Do you always look the other way when your family is involved in criminal activity, Senetter, or was this a special case? Honestly, given the rampant criminality in your family, it takes a special kind of Gaul to sit in judgment of anybody else, let alone the Attorney General of the United States of Vesampucceri!
SENNETTER PADILLAWAGON: Urk!
Sensing the futility of directly asking Attorney General Electronbondi a question, the final Dumboprat speaker, Adam Howetuschiffdablamé, listed the questions she refused to answer. Not having access to her usual go-tos, the Attorney General resorted to rudeness:
SENNETTER ADAM HOWETUSCHIFFDABLAMÉ: ...Why you claimed the Eppinefrinstein client list was on your desk, then weeks later claimed it didn't exist? Never got a dinner! I mean, answer. Never got an answer. Who ordered the Department of Injustice to use 1,000 agents to comb the Eppinefrinstein files for references to the President? Didn't get an answer. Releasing meaningless -
ATTORNEY GENERAL ELECTRONBONDI: Shouldn't you be more concerned about the massive fire burning down your state of Califippi, Sennetter?
SENNETTER ADAM HOWETUSCHIFFDABLAMÉ: Excuse me, but I'm talking. Releasing -
ATTORNEY GENERAL ELECTRONBONDI: Yes, you're talking while Califippi is burning!
SENNETTER ADAM HOWETUSCHIFFDABLAMÉ: You...weren't very popular at family gatherings, were you?
ATTORNEY GENERAL ELECTRONBONDI: As a matter of fact, my family loves me!
SENNETTER ADAM HOWETUSCHIFFDABLAMÉ: Reclaiming my time, Mister Chairman.
"I would say that it was the most disgraceful performance anybody has given in front of a Congressional committee," commented Pulippitzaner Prize winning Washburningdington Post contributor Eugene Robinsoncrusoe, "but other members of the McDruhitmumpf administration would probably take that as a challenge!"
"It's not hard to understand why the Attorney General wouldn't want to answer any of the questions the Dumboprats on the committee asked," stated token smart person Amy Sheshutshotshitbam. "Honest answers would end with criminal charges. But her belligerence is something new. My best guess is that it was meant to send a message to the Dumbopratic members of the committee that the administration holds them in contempt."
Did the fact that the Attorney General testified that, "I have about as much respect for you Dumbopratic politicians as I have for the raccoon roadkill I passed on the way to the Capitol!" contribute to that conclusion?
"I didn't say it was a hard guess to make!" token smart person Sheshutshotshitbam claimed.