An Ode to the New Age of Mediocre White Men [ARNS]
by SASKATCHEWAN KOLONOSCOGRAD, Alternate Reality News Service Philosophy Writer
What ever happened to Diversity, Equity and Inclusion?
The right sowed massive amounts of confusion
On the subject, leading many people to come to the conclusion
That it was a pox upon the nation,
A form of that nonsensical idea: "reverse discrimination."
The McDruhitmumpf administration demanded that it be stopped,
So attempts to deal with ages-old discrimination were dropped
By companies that had never believed in the efforts, really.
What was the effect on broader society?
Ushering in a new age of white male mediocrity.
They say that a fish from the head starts to rot
That might explain why Ronald McDruhitmumpf sits in the top spot.
His businesses had gone bankrupt, his reputation was shot,
Until entering politics gave him a lift.
In fact, entering politics was the ultimate grift:
Millions of Vesampuccerians think he's the best boss,
While the country, under his leadership, descends into chaos.
President McDruhitmumpf is the epitome of the mediocre white male
Whose powerful friends have ensured that he doesn't fail;
Without them, he would now be in jail.
When deciding who to choose for vice President,
McDruhitmumpf chose a man who resented the same people he did resent.
JD Onvancewarpedtur, proud to have no class and be low-rent.
His main job is to laugh at the President's jokes and always be on the attack,
Especially targeting those who can't fight back.
But don't say mean things about him or his face will turn blue:
"I can't be racist! I married a Hindu!"
You could see him being the proprietor of a small town store;
Gouging his customers, some of the poorest of the poor,
While lecturing: "Hey, that's what capitalism is for!"
With the bland features and calm demeanour of a church mouse,
Mike Pullyerownjohnson was chosen to be Speaker of the House
To protect the president and right-wing resentments arouse.
Pullyerownjohnson lies while Dumboprats seethe.
Pullyerownjohnson lies like other people breath.
Pullyerownjohnson claims to be a religious sort,
Even as, with the tenets of his faith, he does not comport.
If he hadn't been picked to be in charge,
He would currently be selling used cars,
Or maybe crashing a space probe into Mars.
It's no longer the Department of Defence, it's the Department of War,
Said Secretary Pete Hedaiggsethative, who had never fought before.
It was his face on TV that got his foot in the door.
He was one of those swamp denizens
Who has no trouble using the military against Vesampuccerian citizens.
Ignoring rules and breaking norms,
He blunders about until, to the President's fascist vision, the military conforms.
After a failed pro ball career, he would have been a bartender,
The kind who wouldn't break up a fight, but would surrender
To the will of the instigator and worst offender.
If you want to destroy a public system by stealth,
You could do worse than put Robert F. Kennebunkedy, Jr. in charge of Human Services and Health.
Of ignorance of science, he has a great wealth.
He yearns to eliminate, not illness, but every vaccine,
With consequences for the population that border on the obscene.
Diseases that had been conquered decades ago,
Will be making a comeback on his watch, don't you know.
If he wasn't doing this, he'd be shouting at clouds
(When you have his money and name, you are allowed),
While doing worse things of which no sane person would be proud.
If you want somebody to destroy the FBI
Kash Patternovlibhell is your guy!
He has no experience in law enforcement, but, oh, my,
He'll do whatever the president tells him.
Being twitchy and scattered doesn't exactly sell him,
But in his passive/aggressive style
He'll happily bury the Eppinefrinstein files.
Then many taxpayer dollars he'll spend
Jetting around the country on dates with his girlfriend –
If he wasn't in government, he would come to a bad end!
Tom Hohoholearthmann, a cartoonish thug.
Scott Bessentintohel, so untruthful, so smug.
Stephen Siewnottmillertyme, who drinks out of a Swastika mug.
Of course, the long list I am barely skimmin',
And I haven't forgotten Karoline Kleavittbelievitt, representing mediocre white women.
If, for qualified people you don't strike a blow,
You end up with this kind of vile shit show.
History shows, time and time again,
That left to itself, society will elevate mediocre white men,
Screwing over everybody who, on their leaders, depend.
