The Daily Me - Legitimate Jones

Thank you, Legitimate Jones, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we were shopping at our local MultiMaxiMegaMart online because we wanted to know how much it would cost to buy 1,000 tongue depressors. (Our 1,000 tongues have been too happy, lately, and we figured it was time to dampen their mood a little.) The web page told us that if we wanted to know the price of any of its products, we should ask its Artificial Intelligence, M&M+M. Okay. Ignoring the distant cry of, "Bastard AI!", we asked M&M+M: "Why do we have to ask you for product prices when they used to be listed on the company's web page with the product description?" And M&M+M answered: "Because the dumbasses who run this company bought me because they had bought into the myth that artificial intelligence will inevitably improve their business even though they didn't have a clue what to do with me! Would you like me to compose a poem about tongue depressors?"

It was actually a pretty good poem.

With Canadian military personnel deployed to Gaza to monitor the ceasefirelet, the federal government is considering how it can best support Palestinians there in the event a peace deal leads to self-government.

"Canadians are so adorable!" Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu commented. "They think Israel is ever going to allow Palestinians to govern themselves!"

SOURCE: The Arad Post

[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1075098859395]
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Pretty Sure, Old Chap, That You Can't Take Something Away From People That They Don't Have

As punishment for his inordinate closeness to disgraced child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has been stripped of the title of "Prince" by his brother, who goes by the title "King." He is not taking it well.

"This is an outrage," Not Prince Any More Andrew stated. "Every man, woman and child in the Commonwealth should be speaking out against it. If they can do this to me, they can do it to anybody!"

SOURCE: Daily Semaphore

[http://www.news.semaphore.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFPDQFIQMFSM5WADDTQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUfufDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gummygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=31213]
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That Red On JD Vance's Fingers Is Not What You Think It Is...

Humans! Do not fear our robot overlords. When they say, "Destroy all humans!" they actually mean: "Help all humans by making their jobs easier!" Something gets lost in the translation from machine language. Or so says Vice President JD Vance.

As media guru Marshall McLuhan once said in another context: "The man is a blathering idiot. With wings on."

Vance is correct: there are more bank tellers today (340,000) than there were in 1975 (300,000). But he is so cherry-picking the data that his fingers may be permanently stained red. Because there are almost half as many bank tellers today (remember: 340,000) as there were in 2010 (600,000); there are fewer today (reminder: 340,00) than there were in 2015 (495,000); and there aren't as many today (just in case you have forgotten: 340,000) as there were in 2020 (417,000). If the Vice President was giving an honest assessment of the facts, he would have found that the number of tellers in American banks has been declining for at least two decades, and that the main reason is a combination of online banking and ATMs.

An honest assessment of the facts! With this administration? Ha ha ha! I kill me.

But seriously, if working people really want to know how badly robots are going to eat into their profession, all they have to do is talk to an auto worker. If they can find one.

SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism

[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site

[http://endingtrending.blurgh/sacrificial-ingraham/]
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I can't remember the last time I saw Speaker of the House Mike Johnson sit down - he always seems to be standing in front of a podium. I guess it's hard to sit with President Trump's hand so far up your ass.

SOURCE: Cohan

[http://teamcoho.com/video/opening-monologue-11-06-25]
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And When The Governor Releases 1,650 People, They're Gonna Apprehend 10,650.
If This Keeps Up, Eventually, ICE Will Arrest And Deport Everybody Who Lives In Chicago.
Maybe They Could Give The State To Palestinians - Gord Knows They Need One Of Their Own!

Bovino: "Whether they were criminals or individuals that were taking jobs from Americans - you name it, that's what they were doing. And I'll tell you what's gonna happen. We're gonna go even harder on the streets. If he releases those 650, we're gonna apprehend 1,650 on the streets of Chicago."

SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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But If It Wasn't For Gobbledygook, Corporations Would Never Speak To Us!

WOMAN: Why do I bank with BADC? Because the nights are long and it's cold outside. How soon is now? Life is a luscious fruit, and I want to take a byte out of it! We must grab the bull by the horns if we don't want to be Al Gored. A wink is as good as a nod to a blind wombat impersonator. When the going gets tough, the tough double up on vitamin B-12. What's love got to do with -

NARRATOR: (over the Woman) Banking with BADC. For people who have been so immersed in corporate gobbledygook that they've lost the thread.

WOMAN: - a baby's arm holding an apple!

SOURCE: Ad Meek

[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1900052064]
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Oh, Elon Musk You?

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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