Thank you, Jarrod "I Believe in Epstein" Shawinigan, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, okay, we'll admit it, it's our fault none of the 25 movies Hollywood released in the last three months have become hits, despite boasting stars like Jennifer Lawrence, Julia Roberts and Colin Farrell. When we lost our health care subsidies, we had to choose between leaving our hovel to see five movies a week and, you know, eating. It was really tempting to go to a movie - who can resist Jennla or Robpa or any of the other Hollywood cutesie star names ending in a? - but our stomachs vetoed our eyes and ears. We would say this should be food for thought, but aside from being glib, that would just set our tummies rumbling, and - dammit! Now we have to rummage around in the cupboards to see if there are any cracker crumbs left for today's meal!
Enjoy,Nobody's Exactly Raising Their Hands And Shouting, "Ooh, Stephen, Pick My Ethnic Group! Pick My Ethnic Group! We Haven't Get Enough Racial Hatred Lately, And We Could Really Use Some In These Troubled Times!"
In a week when a Zionist supporter of Holocaust studies complained about having to compete with videos of walls of dead Palestinian children and President Trump called for the execution of sitting Democratic politicians, it might seem that winning the Extremist of the Week Award would be a daunting challenge. Fortunately, that is a challenge Stephen Miller is more than happy to roll up his sleeves and rise to.
Did I say "fortunately?" I meant: "Oh, my Gord, how could any human being say things like that‽"
Remember how Miller argued that Somalis were roaming the streets of American cities, eating white people's cats and dogs, and the only reason nobody ever had video of it happening was because they were camera-shy? He has never exactly been a Fountain of Truth, but there is something about Somalis that brings out the lyingest liar in him.
Of course, the reason Democrats win elections more often than Republicans is because their policies are supported by a substantial majority of Americans! I grant you many of those voters put their racism ahead of their interests, but, umm...okay, say what you will about Miller, he does know his audience.
Still. The world is full of people supremacists don't consider white - would it kill him to give Somalis a break and pick on another group for a while?
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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"Which, I Mean, Is Great. Nobody Loves Chaos Better Than Me! But Sheesh!"
REPUBLICANS: We're going to be killed in the mid-terms because voters, including many in our base, are worried about health care costs going through the roof thanks to provisions in the Big - *COUGH* - the Big B - *COUGH COUGH* -"
TRUMP: You talking about the Big, Beautiful - oh, so beautiful - Bill?
REPUBLICANS: Yeah. That. If we lose the majority in the House and/or the Senate next year, you can expect investigations, maybe even the release of the Epstein files. Do something!
TRUMP: Okay. Let's extend the Obamacare subsidies for a year - no, two years. Get us past the mid-terms.
REPUBLICANS: ARE YOU INSANE‽ We've been fighting to repeal Obamacare since it was enacted 15 years ago! Now that we've finally managed to pass something, you want to delay it until the Democrats get into power and keep us from killing it‽ That's not leadership - that's capitulation!
TRUMP: There's no pleasing some people!
SOURCE: Politics for Beginners
[http://www.politicsforbeginners.com/home.asp?did=505&dir=bb]
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Nikola Tesla Rolls Over In His Grave, Mutters, "I Had Nothing To Do With This," And Returns To His Rest
Not a day goes by that I don't see a Tesla being driven down the streets of Mytown. Congratulations! Not only do you drive one of the ugliest vehicles in existence (I get cuts on my cheeks just thinking about it!), but you're supporting a Nazi deathtrap car!
What? You don't believe the Tesla is a deathtrap car? Listen up, asshole! There are enough credible stories about drivers being locked in their Teslas as they go up in flames to supply Stephen King with a dozen sequels to Christine! Forbes Magazine, not exactly a bastion of progressive thinking, has reported that Teslas have so many more deadly accidents than any other car on the road you could mistake them for stoolies in witness protection!
As for the owner of the company being a Nazi? Listen up (again), asshole! My mother taught me that if it talks like a Nazi and salutes like a Nazi, it's a Nazi! If you dare say anything against my mother, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to step outside and beat the shit out of yourself!
Enjoy driving your Nazi deathtrap car, asshole! At least another fascist will be taken out of the gene pool!
SOURCE: Listen Up, Asshole
[http://www.(^!$%!$.htm#_)!(*)!*)*)*.htm#%!&&%(.com/index.html]
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What Do You Mean, She Should Show More Compassion? This IS Kelly Showing Compassion!
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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The Toronto Police Service Looks On, Taking Notes
A ten year study of 14 democracies shows that Canada maintains a low level of civilian oversight of its military. Parliament's rigid party discipline is blamed.
The Ontario Provincial Police took one look at the study and said, "Hold my doughnut..."
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088272831813&call_pageid=968591339725&col=968668496154]
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SOURCE: Hellmark Greeting Cards
[http://www.hellmark.com/hmk/Website/Shopping/sh_eg_home.jsp?BV_SessionID=@@@@0813884396.1090719119@@@@&BV_EngineID=hadcllcgffdibedcfcdred.0]
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