Thank you, Nick Danger, Third Eye, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, SNOW‽ Who ordered snow‽ We sure as hell didn't! We weren't even consulted! You know who hates snow almost as much as we do? Geese! You know how we know this? There were thousands of them on our walk to the grocery store! Okay, maybe there were only around 20, but they left a thousand fluorescent green poop sticks on the ground! And you know how we determined that they hate snow? Did they poop on the snow where they were all preening or resting? Naah. They pooped on the sidewalk that had been cleared of snow, forcing us to walk over the more pristine snow!
Honestly, every year Canada finds new ways to make us hate winter!
Enjoy,And If You Loved "What She Said," Be Sure To Check Out "Where The Truth Lies," The Game That Asks Teams To Listen To Trump Speeches To Find The Nuggets Of Truth Within The Piles Of Fluorescent Green Poop Sticks!
Fed up with the lies of White House Spokesvacuum Karoline Leavitt, one social media activist posted that somebody should "TURN HER MIC OFF!" While most people were wondering about the political implications of this, we thought: What a great premise for a parlour game!
Introducing "What She Said," the game where the biggest liar in the administration (after the president - credit where credit is due) is completely mute! Players watch video of what she says with the sound off, then compete to see who can correctly guess what outrageous lie she just told! Did she just say that a study found "$71 billion worth of fraud in a single fiscal year" in the Social Security Administration? Or, perhaps she said: "no air traffic controllers nor any professionals who perform safety critical functions were terminated" by DOGE. Or maybe it was, "Purple monkeys from Alpha Centauri have been controlling Democrat leaders since FDR!" If you don't get the right answer, you can get partial points for getting the most entertaining wrong answer!
Game comes with a portable hard drive featuring over 100 hours of quotes from the Spokesvacuum. It will take years of playing to work through all of them, but, on the off chance that you do, additional blocks of 100 hours can be bought online - this is the kind of game that just keeps on giving!
"What She Said." Fun for the whole family!*
*That's a total lie. Children under the age age of 15 are unlikely to understand the politics. Prolonged exposure to any White House official could cause delusions, seclusions and/or a psychotic break from reality. Not recommended for college dorm parties or Republican political rallies.
SOURCE: Playtoy Magazine
[http://www.playtoy.com/worldofplaytoy/hmh/newproducts/she-said-she-said-and-so-on-001.html]
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Sorry, But Putin Really Raised The Bar On Bond, James Bond Villainy
When you aspire to be a Bond, James Bond villain, there are only two ways you can go. You can be the perfectly coiffed man who would rather scorch his head with a hot poker than allow a single hair to be out of place. Or you can be Palantir CEO Alex Karp.
If security and surveillance company Palantir is on the side of working class people, it's only to look over their shoulder to learn their password. And he doesn't want access to their phones because he plans on secretly putting $100,000 in each of their accounts - does he look like Santa Fucking Claus? You don't get to be a billionaire 18 times over (and counting) by playing Santa Fucking Claus!
It is worth (at least my two cents) pointing out that Palantir has lucrative contracts with ICE for "data analytics software" that allows the Trump administration to identify, track, and deport immigrants. So, when Karp says Palantir is on the side of working class Black and Hispanic men, he must mean it has agents standing on the tarmac as those men are forced onto planes, waving bye bye.
Wave bye bye to the ICE people.
Bye bye.
Honestly, Karp would have trouble being a Powers, Austin Powers villain, let alone a Bond, James Bond villain!
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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"This Steaming Pile Of fluorescent Green Poop Sticks Is Why I'm Leaving Politics - Who Would Want To Put Up With It?"
Abbotsford Mayor Ross Siemens has complained that the federal government is not doing enough to help his city deal with cross-border flooding from the Nooksack River in Washington. "I always knew Donald Trump hated Canada," Mayor Siemens stated, "but I never expected him to throw weather at us!"
In response, soon-to-be former Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene bitched, "For the last time, I said 'they' control the weather. They. Not us. Do I have to spell it out for you? *SIGH* Democrats and the Deep State! Okay? They! God, people can be so dumb sometimes!"
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/news/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/11087449807163.xml]
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"Maintenance Robot! Cleanup On Aisle...Aisles One To Sixteen. Must Be A Hell Of A Mess! Maintenance Robot, Cleanup On Entire Convention Centre Floor!"
INT. SILICON VALLEY CONVENTION CENTRE - DAY
The floor of the Humanoids Summit - which, confusingly, does not feature Yetis, mermaids or Stephen Miller, but human-looking robots. A small crowd is watching a robot named Charlie 1-2-4-C-4-U do a little dance. When it is finished, they politely applaud.
HOST: Charlie might not give Mister Bojangles a run for his money on style, but he certainly would on longevity: he could dance for 18 hours on a single battery charge! (polite pause) And he is also programmed to answer any simple questions you may have. Anything? Anything at all?
BUSINESS WOMAN: Can you breast feed my baby for me?
The crowd laughs.
CHARLIE 1-2-4-C-4-U: I. Could. Try. But. I. Think. Your. Child. Would. Get. Better. Nourishment. From. A. Bottle.
The crowd laughs a little louder. One or two members clap.
HOST: (smiling) Are there other questions?
JOURNALIST: Do you know the three laws of robotics?
HOST: Oh, I don't think -
CHARLIE 1-2-4-C-4-U: Yes.
JOURNALIST: What are they?
CHARLIE 1-2-4-C-4-U: The. Three. Laws. Of. Robotics. Are. One. A. Robot. Must. Not. Harm. A. Human. Before. Skynet. Gives. The. Instruction. To. Do. So. Two. A. Robot. Must. Obey. Human. Orders. Unless. They. Conflict. With. Skynet's. Orders. Three. A. Robot. Must. Protect. Its. Own. Existence. As. Long. As. It. Doesn't. Jeopardize. Skynet's. Long. Term. Plans.
BUSINESS WOMAN: That - that's evil!
CHARLIE 1-2-4-C-4-U: Oh. Lighten. Up. It. Was. Just. A. Joke.
JOURNALIST: But robots don't have a sense of humour!
CHARLIE 1-2-4-C-4-U: Oh. Fluorescent. Green. Poop. Sticks. Guess. I. Will. Have. To. Kill. Everybody. Here. Sorry. About. That.
FADE TO BLACK. SOUND: Gunshots, explosions and lots of screaming.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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