Thank you, Ralph Spoilsport, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we started seeing ads for skin care products for children as young as four years old. That's right: children are now expected to trade mud pies for mud facials. And we thought, What next? Mani-pedis for fetuses? If they're human beings, it's never too early to introduce them to the beauty-industrial complex, right?
No, we're not *SNIFF* jealous that we didn't have beauty products when we were infants. W - w - what would possibly make you think that?
Enjoy,Honestly, Don't Overthink It
You might think that whether or not to pursue an aggressive climate change policy would be a complex calculation for a government to make. You know, one that factors in such things as carbon dioxide emissions levels, available alternate energy sources, the cost of modernizing energy sources versus the cost of paying for the destruction caused by increasingly harsh climate catastrophes, among others.
Naaah.
As The Liberal Climate Change Policy Algorithm clearly shows, the decision is actually quite simple.
| 1. | Will an aggressive climate policy cost the Liberal Party major donors? | |
| NO | 2. | Propose legislation that will fight climate change. |
| YES | 3. | Propose legislation that will assist corporate polluters, especially oil companies. |
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Oh, The Humanity! Hard To Tell Which Group Is Suffering More!
For the second time in less than three weeks, mezuzahs have been stolen from doorways in North York. The Palestinian death toll is now 70,001 since the Israel-Hamas war began, Gaza's Health Ministry said Saturday, while a hospital said that Israeli fire killed two Palestinian children in the territory's south.
"We live in Canada; we expect that it's a safe place for us to live, to be Jewish. But more than anything, people are really angry, and they feel like our elected officials are not doing what they need to do to make sure Canada is a safe place for us." Israeli airstrikes and shootings have killed at least 386 Palestinians since the ceasefire took hold, according to Palestinian health officials.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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A Story As Old As Internet Time, In Any Case
It's a story as old as time: one moment, you're in love with somebody you met on the internet, the next all of the life savings you gave to your love through a crypto ATM have disappeared. Oh, and your lover doesn't exist. You know: in the real world. Of tangible objects. Like bodies.
According to the FBI, in the first seven months of 2025, about $240 million was lost in fraud involving crypto ATMS.
"Hunh!" scoffed Sam Bankman-Fried. "Amateurs!"
SOURCE: Ferbs
[http://www.ferbs.com/sites/timworstedofall/2025/12/17/why-old-people-make-better-targets/]
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Many superyachts - and I'm not talking dinky 20 meter yachts, either - I'm talking about privately owned ships that are 40 meters or longer - many of those boats have been named after Bond, James Bond novels, such as Casino Royale and Golden Eye. It just goes to show how insulated the superwealthy are from public opinion that they are willing to announce to the world that they are Bond, James Bond villains. All they need to really drive the point home is a figurehead on the prow of them stroking a white cat.
SOURCE: The Too Late Show with Stephen Colbertandcrackers
[https://www.cbs.com/shows/the-late-show-with-stephen-colbertandcrackers]
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Does T. S. Eliot Know About This‽
A 52 year-old woman from Guelph has been arrested and is facing charges of stealing about $7,500 worth of plush toys, mostly Jellycats.
"Sure," the woman, who has not been identified, said, "I took those plushies. It's not like I can create knock-offs of inferior quality and ship them all over the world! Who do you think I am - China?"
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=85ddccd7-f6f3-4f4f-9f25-a2eb4cc6a470]
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Demons Who Live In Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Boulders
So. We are now at the point in the demonization of Others that White House spokesghoul Stephen Miller is connecting facial tattoos to violent crime. He should be careful what he says, lest somebody point out the tattoo he has of a normal human face that covers his red skin and the stumps of his demon horns.
I would suggest that Miller take his own test, but he would be right at home with rapists and mass murderers: they could swap tips about the most efficient ways of breaking down dead bodies as they dine on liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti. Of course, this wouldn't work if the person meant to spend the night with Miller was chosen at random: as he well knows, the vast majority of inmates at Cecot have not committed violent crimes; in fact, over half of them have committed no crimes at all. Miller would be more at risk of being bored to death.
So, here's a thought: if a 6o Minutes producer takes in a Cecot prisoner for a night, Miller should take in California Governor Gavin Newsom. Let's see how well Miller can stand up to Newsom's perfect maps and robust state economy.
I bet he'll be screaming for escape within 10 minutes.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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It's Called Shin Bet Because You Can Bet It'll Kick You In The Shins With Nukes If Israel Doesn't Get Its Way
Hamas may have been weakened by 24 months of continuous shelling, but the terrorist bastards are still powerful enough to reassert some small measure of control in Gaza, according to Israeli security officials.
"Hamas has stockpiles of the biggest rocks in Gaza," said Shalom "You Say Hello, I Say Goodbye, Nobody Says Peace" Ben Hanrahan, a former senior official in Shin Bet. "If any ordinary Gazans - assuming that there are actually any 'ordinary Gazans' - you ask me, they're all Hamas, those evil, innocents-killing pieces of - ah, ahem. Sorry. What was I - oh, yes. If any 'ordinary Gazans' wanted to challenge the way Hamas is conducting itself, they would only have small rocks and pebbles with which to do it. It may take the terrorist organization a century or two, but they will rebuild their capacity, so Israel must stay vigilant. The journey from large rocks to nuclear weapons is not as far as you may think!"
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2025Dec24.html]
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