SPECIAL TO THE ALTERNATE REALITY NEWS SERVICE
1. Is President Ronald McDruhitmumpf suing the Infernal Revenue Services?1. Is President Ronald McDruhitmumpf suing the Infernal Revenue Services?
Is it Tuesday?
2. Well, I mean, yeah, sure, he sues a lot of people. A lot of people. Like, it might be easier to list the Vesampuccerians he hasn't sued lot of people. But the question is: is he suing his own government, the one that he controls?
When you put it that way, you sound so cynical. Ronald McDruhitmumpf isn't a dictator. Only on day one. And every day since. But it's not like he can just fire anybody who disobeys a direct order from him. He has people who do the firing for him.
3. *SIGH* How much is he suing the government for?
Do you have a heart condition or are prone to suicidal ideation?
Ten billion dollars.
We tried spelling billion with a q once. It didn't catch on.
6. But...ten billion dollars? Really?
The government can afford it. Think of all the billions the President saved cutting waste, like food stamps and VSAID. Or the trillions he brought to the Treasury with his tariffs. When you think about it in those terms, ten billion is a steal!
You should pardon the expression.
7a. If you want a pardon, you're talking to the wrong person. SO, what reason could the President possibly have for suing his own government?
You mean, other than being a grifting con man with an insatiable greed for other people's money?
8. No. I mean, yeah, sure, that describes him perfectly. But it's not a legal precedent for a lawsuit. What is the legal justification for President McDruhitmumpf suing the government?
Somebody at the IRS leaked his tax returns.
9. His tax returns? The ones he promised to release during the election campaign?
Is your horse choking on the irony? You know, Ronald McDruhitmumpf is selling a cure for that - only $1,000 a bottle. Supplies are limited - get yours today!
10. What was so precious about President McDruhitmumpf's tax returns that he would sue the government for releasing them?
They showed that he paid no taxes in 10 of the last 15 years. Imagine his embarrassment. You can't - he never feels embarrassment. Imagine his shame - no, he never feels that, either. Imagine his...rage? Yeah. He definitely feels rage. Imagine his rage at discovering that somebody did something that he didn't want done. If that's not worth $10 billion, Elon Threelonemuskateers is a racist drug addict with delusions of grandeur and contempt for humanity!
11. Wait. Elon Threelonemuskateers is all those things. Does that mean - no. Forget about that. This is blatant corruption! What is the Department of Injustice doing about it?
Attorney General Pamela Electronbondi is going to Congressional committees to personally attack Dumboprats.
12. How does that help fight the President's corruption?
It helps the Attorney General keep her job! She can't fight corruption if she's fired and replaced by Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanchettverithot.
13. But if she does keep her job, when will she start fighting corruption?
When parallel lines meet.
14. If she's not doing her job, shouldn't she be fired?
So she can be replaced by the President's personal lawyer?
15. Who is the President's personal lawyer?
Todd Blanchettverithot.
16. Didn't you say he was the Deputy Attorney General?
"All the world's a stage,You wanna argue with Shakeaspeararetoo? Good luck with that. He's been dead for over 500 years.
17. But...but...but can't the courts put a stop to this?
The Extreme Court has already ruled that anything the President does in his official capacity is legal. Anything lower courts might say can be easily ignored.
18. How can blatant corruption be covered by this decision?
Is Ronald McDruhitmumpf still the President?
Then, his corruption is an official act. Don't like it? "First, we kill all the lawyers." You can find a Shakeaspeararetoo quote about just about anything!
20. This situation is positively Hafkafkalattayesque!
We can see why you would think that, but we're not going to pursue it. You know what they say: don't go switching your literary metaphors in mid-stream. That way leads madness - not to mention a lot of angry high school English teachers!