Thank you, Aaron "Mac" Aroni, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we were lying in bed last night, looking forward to enjoying a moderately-earned rest, and we thought of something pithy and brilliant to say in this space. Like, really world-changingly clever. We went to sleep knowing that when we woke up, the world would be a better place for our idea.
Can you see where this is heading? Come on. Even your four year-old can see where this is heading, and she doesn't always follow her toilet training! Don't make us say it - we're already embarrassed enough as it is.
Soooooo...anybody wanna hear our latest score in WIIWII Star Blap Mini-golf?
Enjoy,There are many layers to Republican denial of involvement with child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. The progression of the ones that we have been able to uncover includes:
This is a Democrat problem - it has nothing to do with us. Okay, involvement with Epstein has nothing to do with party affiliation, but I personally had nothing to do with him. What did the Epstein files that were recently released say about my relationship with - okay. I met Epstein a couple of times, but only before he was convicted of child sex trafficking. The email had what date on it? Son of a - okay. I...may have met Epstein after he was convicted of child sex trafficking, but I never accepted a gift from him. What, those things? They weren't so much gifts as they were...umm...okay. They were gifts. But I never accepted a trip on Epstein's plane. *SIGH* Okay, yes, I may have accepted a trip on Epstein's plane, but I never went to his island.
I invoke my right to silence so as not to incriminate myself.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1138&dir=bb]
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A Chinese company that produces a plushie red fire horse saw sales skyrocket when an error in production turned its smile upside down into a frown. The gloomy horse captured many Chinese people's unhappiness with the country's economic stagnation.
Always ones to misinterpret trends, American businesses are now trying to get in on the "serendipitous manufacturing error" bandwagon. One company that specializes in miniature metal cars, for instance, now makes vehicles with front and back wheels that move in different directions, essentially immobilizing it. A company that makes heroic action figures now has a soldier whose karate chop arm hits himself in the head every time it's used. There is even a baby doll that is supposed to have realistic farts that exudes jasmine with a hint of lemon.
So far, none of the American efforts to duplicate the success of the gloomy fire horse have succeeded. Outside of a few electric vehicle factory workers, nobody wants toy cars that don't go anywhere. Veterans groups have threatened to boycott any toy company that makes incompetent soldier action figures. Baby dolls that fart pleasant smells just confuse actual babies.
"We've been trying to catch rhinoceroses in a bottle," said Ned Feeblish, Vice President, Forward Paralysis and Backward Looking Analysis for MultiNatCorp. "Maybe we should be satisfied with going back to lightning!"
SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal
[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB113413397491118404,01.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
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Just The Kind Of Experience You Want The Non-expert You Get Health Care Advice From To Have!
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Pygmy Colossus
An almost 15 foot tall statue of President Donald Trump cast in bronze and finished with a thick gold leaf paid for by crypto bros hoping to use it to promote their $PATRIOT memecoin is nearing completion. It is scheduled to take its place on a concrete and stainless steel pedestal erected for it at the President' Doral golf course in Florida.
However, the Trump family has denied any involvement with $PATRIOT which, after an initial surge in sales last year, has since lost almost all of its value. The creator of the statue, Alan Cottrill, claims he is owed $75,000 for its use in promoting the memecoin; one of the crypto bros said he would be paid at the unveiling. However, the Trump family's renunciation of the project may lead to it to be abandoned.
Hmm. Not completing a project and not paying your workers? They can deny it all they want, but it sure sounds like something Trump would do.
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=49ddccd7-f6f3-0f0f-9f25-a2eb4cc6a382]
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Mexican drug cartels have been discovered to be using .50-calibre ammunition - that's ammunition powerful enough to destroy vehicles and light aircraft - that was manufactured at an American plant in Kansas City. I guess it's true what they say: what goes a round comes a round! (pause) Hunh. I guess it was bad timing to tell that joke with so many workers from the Lake City Army Ammunition Plant in the audience!
SOURCE: The Too Late Show with Stephen Colbertandcrackers
[https://www.cbs.com/shows/the-late-show-with-stephen-colbertandcrackers]
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Violence Is In The Propaganda Of The Beholder
Criticism of the state of Israel is a form of terrorism. Anti-Zionist protesters criticize the state of Israel Therefore, anti-Zionist protesters (aka: pro-Palestinians, antifa and bad words good people do not say in public) are terrorists. But are they? Let's compare actions to see who really is bringing the terror.
| Israel | anti-Zionist protesters | |
| bombs hospitals | | |
| targets journalists | | |
| bombs schools | | |
| targets doctors | | |
| withholds food as collective punishment | | |
| bombs mosques and churches | | |
| shoots starving people approaching food aid | | |
| targets aid workers | | |
I'm convinced!
SOURCE: The Arad Post
[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1851594920985]
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