Quotes Had a Lot to Say, And a Hatred of Language To Say It With

But...But...But...But - Gaaack!

"You have a right to protest in the street, but that doesn't give you a right to go into the Capitol and disrupt Congress." - January 6th hero Jim Jordan

In This World, Never Bet Against A Quack

"In a rational world, the choice is obvious." - Linda McQuaig and Neil Brooks

With Heretical Opinions Like That, It's No Wonder FCC Chair Brendan Carr Demanded Your Interview With Stephen Colbert Not Air

"For 50 years, the religious right convinced our fellow Christians that the most important issues were abortion and gay marriage - two issues that aren't mentioned in the Bible. Jesus tells us exactly how we're going to be judged: by feeding the hungry, by healing the sick, and by welcoming the stranger. Don't tell me what you believe. Show me how you treat other people, and I'll tell you what you believe. Jesus gave us two commandments: love God and love neighbour. There was no exception to that second commandment regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, immigration status, or religious affiliation." - Democratic Congressional candidate James Talarico

 American Foreign Policy For Dummies:
1) Say And Do Things That Alienate An Ally
2) Claim Our Ally Is Hostile To Us When They Complain About Things We Said And Did Against Them

"We are going to have a country that will get overrun eventually just because of the simple fact that the people around us are going to be against us. Canada is not our friend anymore. They're going in the opposite direction." - Republican Senator Tommy Tuberville

The American First Strike Was A Defensive Measure? When You Read Ninety Eighty-four In High School, Did You Think It Was An Instruction Manual?

"This was a defensive measure…If Israel fired upon Iran and took action against Iran to take out the missiles, then [Iran] would have immediately retaliated against U.S. personnel and assets." - House Speaker Mike Johnson

War Is Hell? Then, Why Are You So Excited By The Prospect?

"No stupid rules of engagement, no nation building quagmire, no democracy building exercise, no politically correct wars. We fight to win and we don't waste time or lives. As the president warned, an effort of this scope will include casualties. War is hell and always will be." - Secretary of Defense War (Crimes) Pete Hegseth

Is "No Ink In The Pen" A Euphemism For Mental Decline?

"You see this pen right here? This pen is very inexpensive. But it writes well. I like it. Sharpie. I came here. They had $1,000 pens. You hand out pens. You hand them to people. 30, 40 people. They were $1,000 a piece. Beautiful pen, ball point. I hand out to kids that don't know. It's kid getting a pen for $1,000. They have no idea what it is. I had another problem. They didn't write well. I sign - no ink. I have all you people looking and say there must be something wrong with Trump. There is no ink in the pen. It cost $1,000." - Donald Trump, strange as it may seem, still President of the United States

After All, We Can Learn From Negative Examples As Much As Positive

"What President Trump is doing is a national miracle that will be studied not only for generations but for centuries to come." - national energy vampire Stephen Miller

"At Least, I Believe That Is What He Meant To Say. I Listened To Him For 90 Minutes, And Mostly He Whined About The Nobel Peace Prize, How Beautiful Tariffs Are And The Sex Lives Of Walruses. If He Wasn't So Damned Useful To Me...!"

"I spoke earlier today with President Trump. He believes there is a chance to leverage the military achievements of the war to get all the objectives of the war through an agreement. Such an agreement will safeguard our interests." - Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu

Iran Offering President Trump A Peace Prize Is Like [INSERT SELF-NEGATING ACTION HERE]

"They're gonna make a deal. They did something yesterday that was amazing actually. They gave us a present, and the present arrived today. It was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. I'm not gonna tell you what that present is but it was a very significant prize." - President Donald Trump on Iranian leaders

So Now, Instead Of Fighting With One Arm Tied Behind Its Backs, The American Military Is Fighting With One Brain Lobe Tied Behind Its Back

"The air campaign we've conducted was one for the history books. And it's because we have a president who when he sends his war fighters out to fight, he unties their hands to actually go out and destroy the enemy as viciously as possible from moment one." - Secretary of Defense War Asskissing Pete Hegseth

"And After That, We'll Go After The Jews. You Know They're A Shifty, Greedy - Whoa? Who Suddenly Turned Down The Temperature In The Room? It's Freezing In Here!"

"It's not just the Muslims... we have roughly 100 million people in this country who shouldn't be here. We're going to send all these people home. We're going to stop the Islamification of Texas and America, not just by banning Sharia law, not just by banning the call to prayer. Who wants to hear that?" - Texas Railroad Commissioner candidate Bo French at CPAC

Meet The Newscum. Same As The Oldscum.

"Gavin Newscum, who is one of the candidates, I believe he took himself out of the running when he says he suffers from mental disability…I don't want a person with mental disability to be my president. You don't want a person with mental disability being your president." - Donald Trump, still mentally diminished, still President

Two People Who Aren't Likely To Keep Their Jobs To The End Of The Year And A War Criminal? These Are The Best You've Got?

"President Trump believes in merit and competence and people who get things done. You look around the table at people chosen for these jobs, Pam, Pete, Kash… He chooses people based on their skill, competence, ability, determination, dedication and loyalty, and you are seeing the results." - White House haunter Stephen Miller

So Much For Skill, Competence And Ability...

"Mr. President, thank you for delivering the safest country on God's green Earth." - Kash Patel