Tory Blue: A Simple Test

It had to happen sooner or later: the Canadian electorate has finally made the "right" choice. It was a long time coming, but, now that the Conservative government has arrived, no facet of life in this country will remain unchanged.

But, how many of you out there are fair weather Tories and how many are true believers? To determine whether your beliefs are really in line with the way you vote, we have devised this simple test. Just answer the following questions as truthfully as you can, and we will determine just where on the political spectrum you truly belong.

1) A man in the subway asks you for five dollars. Do you...

A) pull out a piece and gun him down?
B) complain to the other passengers about the problems in society that lead to high crime rates, give him the money and politely ask him to put the screwdriver away?
C) give him all your money and run to the nearest police station to complain?

2) The President of the United States asks all North Atlantic Treaty Organization nations to aid in the "Star Wars" strategic defense initiative. Do you...

A) offer to go into space to help?
B) offer lukewarm support, cutting military spending while expecting the United States to help defend Canada?
C) pull out of NATO?

3) Over 80 per cent of the pollution in the Great Lakes comes from American companies. Do you...

A) apologize profusely to the Americans while tactfully suggesting that they should help clean up the area and loudly proclaiming that Canada must clean up its side first?
B) create a pointless joint American/Canadian committee in order to conduct research on the problem, even though there is already more than enough credible scientific evidence to show what is happening and who is responsible?
C) pull out of NATO?

4) The President of the United States is coming to Canada for an official visit. Do you...

A) perform a song and dance with him on stage?
B) go to Santa Cruz for a vacation?
C) close all the lights in Parliament and hope that he thinks nobody is home and goes away?

5) Unemployment has reached a record high and the dollar has reached a record low. Do you...

A) blame the problem on the fiscal policies of the previous administrations and give tax breaks, which you refer to as "investment incentives," to the rich?
B) create inefficient job creation programmes and hope the national deficit will just go away by itself?
C) put all the unemployed on welfare without worrying about the rest of the economy?

6) Your daughter comes home from school one afternoon and tells you that she has decided to become a brain surgeon. Do you...

A) tell her that's nice, but that she should consider finding a nice young man, settling down, having a family and then pursue her brain surgery hobby?
B) tell her that's nice, but insist on a male doctor when you have to have your appendix removed?
C) tell her that's nice and expect the government to pay for the bulk of her education?

7) While enrolment at universities and colleges has steadily increased, the quality of education offered at this country's post-secondary institutions has steadily declined. Do you...

A) deny that there is a crisis in education while continuing to lower transfer payments to the provinces?
B) deny that there is a problem while establishing a Royal Commission to study it?
C) abolish tuition fees, increasing the federal deficit dramatically?

8) Strikers threaten to shut down a vital industry. Do you

A) fire all the strikers and hire new employees?
B) legislate the strikers back to work after a few weeks, angering both strikers and those affected by the strike?
C) allow the strike to run its course, crippling the economy and hurting allied industries?

9) A key party adviser wants to rent pornographic films for a small group of influential Party members. Do you...

A) tell him to find out what's really hot from the Ontario Film Review Board and get an uncut print?
B) tell him in no uncertain terms that pornography degrades women and that nobody should find out?
C) get a new adviser and wash your hands of the whole incident?

10) An election has been called. Do you...

A) spend literally tens of thousands of dollars on cute advertising with lots of children and phrases like: "A New Hope for Canada?"
B) rest on your uncertain record and hope you're not challenged?
C) attempt, completely in vain, to discuss issues, thereby making yourself an embarrassment to the other parties?

SCORING: Give yourself two points for every question answered with A, one point for every question answered with B and no points for every question answered C.

0 to 9: Bloody socialist! Why don't you go to Russia and see where your policies will really take the country!

10 to 20: As a Liberal, you are somewhat misguided - look at what liberal politics did to Britain, for goodness' sakes! Still, it's nothing a short lesson in economics couldn't cure.

21 to 25: Not bad, but you should listen to Ronald Reagan's speeches a bit more closely.

26 and up: You are a right-thinking individual. Hold your credit cards up with pride!

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE OF THE PROGRESSIVE CONSERVATIVE PARTY AND THIS PUBLICATION.