"I asked my shrink why I was having so much trouble winning at Trivial Pursuit."
"Oh? Yeah?"
"He told me that I had performance anxiety, that I blocked things I knew out of my conscious memory whenever I was under stress, like when I was playing the game and was expected to come up with an answer."
"You think so?"
"Naah. I think I'm just stupid."
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"Did you enjoy the movie?"
"Well, I thought the characterizations were flawed, the chintzy performances betraying the director's original concept of the underlying theme. Of course, the film was structurally complex, with a richness of detail, plumbing the depths of the psychological depravity of our times as only the German neo-realist, neo-natalists can..."
"Sure, I see that. But, did you like the film?"
"The movie, as I see it, was a bitter existential comment on the futility of finding meaning in a society out of control. It was full of death imagery and nudity. Some might consider it obscene, profane or even far-fetched and obscure, but I think that they were probably just offended."
"Look: did you like it, or not?"
"Like it? I...well, I...umm, I don't know..."
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"You know, I've always found YUPpies pretty superficial."
"Really? That's interesting, because I've always found intellectuals pretty offensive."
"Oh?"
MUNCH*MUNCH*MUNCH
"My doctor has me on the Esso diet."
"Oh? I don't believe I've heard of that one. What...?"
"That's when you lightly sprinkle motor oil on all of your food. That way, you don't eat very much, or you throw up."
"Ugh! That sounds pretty sick to me."
"I've lost 15 pounds in the last three weeks..."
"Really? ...What did you say that diet was called?"
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"Oh, wow, like, do you like kittens?"
"Yuh mean soft furry animals whut got big eyes and purr when you pet 'em?"
"Like, fer sure."
"Yeah. They blow up real pretty in microwaves."
"Oh! Grotty!"
"Hey - I didn't make the rules, love."
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"Of course, I don't like Prince."
"Me either...I didn't even like Jimi Hendrix."
"And, Madonna! Did you see her show? - Yuck!"
"If I was interested in that look, I'd go see a Marilyn Monroe film."
"I'll tell you, it's a good thing I read NOW Magazine, or I wouldn't know who it's fashionable to dislike!"
"I know what you mean."
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"My horoscope says that I am going to enter into a loving, short-term relationship with the sexiest woman on the face of the earth, and that she will find true, if impermanent, happiness..."
"That's funny. My horoscope says that I will be propositioned by a creep with a really terrible opening line, but that I will humiliate him utterly and go on to a fulfilling relationship with somebody else."
"Oh..."
"I guess it just wasn't in the stars..."
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"Damned city...it's too clean."
"Yeah."
"And, I don't like the way everything closes at one."
"Yeah."
"And, the way everything is closed on Sunday."
"Yeah."
"And, you know, the people aren't as sophisticated and trendy as they'd like to think they are."
"Yeah."
"You know what?"
"Yeah?"
"If Toronto wasn't such a great city, I couldn't stand living here!"
"Yeah. Great city."
MUNCH*MUNCH*MUNCH
