1) What do I say when I walk my dog?
Howdy, doody.
2) What if my dog isn’t named Doody?
Oh, it’s all good.
That.
4) What if I don’t want that to happen?
Stop doing this.
5) That’s kind of an old joke, isn’t it?
Think of it as a master class in comedy writing.
6) Why are there so many first-time Canadian filmmakers?
Because Canadians don’t usually get a second chance to make a film.
7) That’s pretty cynical, isn’t it?
Hey! Live long enough and you’ll get a chance to make a film, too. Don’t forget to thank me when you start winning awards.
8) If I win enough awards, will I get to make a second film?
No. And, the worst thing is you won’t be able to afford to build a new room in your one bedroom apartment to house them all. It would probably be for the best if you forgot the whole thing.
9) Boy, you really know how to kill a person’s dreams, don’t you?
It’s a gift. Don’t think any the worse of me when I say I told you so a few years from now when you’re serving me my burger and fries. (Especially since I’m not supposed to be eating burgers and fries since I had my heart…unpleasantness.)
10) How good is “Do you want to know which porn star you remind me of?” as a pick up line?
Better than “Wanna see my genital warts?” Keep in mind, though, that the worst thing about your line is that the truer it is, the less flattering it will be for the woman you use it on.
Oh, and things were going so well. You’re a troublemaker, you know that? I’ll bet your name is on a list somewhere.
I’ll start one.
13) That’s a little hostile, isn’t it?
I prefer to think of it as privatizing fear. If each of us had his own terrorist list, we would save the government so much effort and expense, and put fear back in the grassroots where it belongs.
14) Wasn’t The Grassroots the name of a rock band from the sixties?
You’re part of the Web generation, aren’t you?
Yes. And, if I was you, I’d tuck it back in, because, frankly, the people around you are getting sick of looking at it.
They were being rhetorical.
Wouldn’t you like to know?
I thought you were being rhetorical.
19) Do you have to be a sadist to write a Frequently Unasked Questions file?
Do you have to be a masochist to submit a question to a Frequently Unasked Questions file?
20) Do you have to be a voyeur to read a Frequently Unasked Questions file?
Aah, now you’re getting the hang of things.
21) Life is so much easier when you go with the flow, isn’t it?
Yes.
Yeeeeesss…
23) I mean, you should just lie back and play the hand you’re dealt, right?
Okay. Now you’re scaring me.
24) What’s so scary about that?
The fact that you’re playing cards in bed, because we both know I’m going to have to clean the spilled beer and chips off the blankets in the morning. And, I never win.
It’s the sharp end of the pencil. You know, the one you write with. If you’ve been writing with the other end (sometimes referred to as “the eraser”), you’ve been doing it wrong. This suggests that either you weren’t really paying a lot of attention in kindergarten, or that you have a brilliant career ahead of you doing the paperwork for Freedom of Information Requests for the federal government.