Thank you, Sheila B, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past.
:-)_(-:Don't you just hate blind dates?
Enjoy,Unfortunately, The Absurd Ironyometer Is Out Of The Country On Vacation
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Merge With The Urge To Surge
JOURNALISTS: So, you were wrong about the surge in Iraq -
OBAMA: I don't think so.
JOURNALISTS: You had to be wrong about the surge, because you opposed it, and it brought down American and Iraqi casualty levels.
OBAMA: Actually, several factors, most in play before the surge, were responsible for that. There was the Anbar Awakening, for example, as well as the ceasefire ordered by Shiite cleric Moqtada al-Sadr.
JOURNALISTS: So, you're saying you were wrong about the surge.
OBAMA: No, I'm not.
JOURNALISTS: Couldn't you say you were, though?
OBAMA: I don't believe I was.
JOURNALISTS: We all believe you were wrong. Couldn't you say it just once? Just to make us feel good? Please?
OBAMA: No.
JOURNALISTS: Pretty please. We'll be your friend. Cross our hearts and hope to die.
OBAMA: You have a hard time dealing with complexity, don't you?
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml'mea=228436]
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Hip? Hip Replacement, More Like
EDITOR's NOTE: Some readers have objected to the use of the word "opium" in a recent Jumble puzzle. They correctly noted that opium is the basis of the drug heroin, and that is a bad, bad thing.
When we contacted Tribune Media Services, the syndicate that distributes the Jumble puzzle, they told us that a new creative team was taking the feature in an "edgy" direction. This may explain the x-rated Jumble puzzles that have shown up in the adult section of the Tribune's Web page.
We can only apologize to our readers and assure you that we will be more vigilant about the feature in the future. We were taken a little off-guard, here, but, to be fair, who could have anticipated sex and drugs appearing in the Jumble puzzle?
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088661822513&call_pageid=973636378492&col=423646972154]
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Spin, Spin, Sugar
The CBC widely promoted a deal it has just concluded to produce a new situation comedy with American network ABC. Why? If I was involved with Canada's public broadcaster, the last thing I would want to do was create publicity calling attention to the fact that I no longer have the resources to create programmes on my own!
SOURCE: Payback
[http:www.paybackmag.com/articles/magazine/20080728/canadiancontent?notanymore.html]
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Except Me
Everybody Lies
George W. Bush lied.John McCain lies, but he's a maverick (or, at least, he once was), so that's alright.
Rush Limbaugh lied, and was rewarded with a contract worth millions.SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/234.html]
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Hollywood Succeeds By The Seat Of Its Traveling Pants
The sequel to the film The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, cleverly called The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 to avoid confusing fans, is out. And, I'm still not planning on seeing it.
I'm sorry, but I have no interest in a film about a pair of pants that has been to more countries than I have.
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt9978650/]
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When You're Immersed In Conspiracy Culture, Your Computer Keyboard Really Needs An Interrobang Key
Hey, sorry I've been away the last few weeks - I had an inflamed cathexis and had to go to the hospital to have it removed. Can you believe the government is claiming Bruce Ivins, who they believe was responsible for anthrax attacks on Washington, acted alone? He acted alone - now, where have we heard that one before? It's good to be back, and I look forward to catching up on all of the conspiracy news that I missed when - WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!
SOURCE: Mike's Ultimate Conspiracy Page
[http://www.ignoremeatyourperil.com/conspiracy2306.html]
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Their Next Criticism: Obama Breathes
Members of the John McCain campaign are complaining that Barack Obama actually speaks when he opens his mouth. "Clearly, he is playing the 'Evolved Mammal' card with his use of language," McCain campaign co-chair Sam Brownback said, "and I hope the craven liberal media will call him out on this outrageous campaign tactic!"
The craven liberal media were unavailable for comment.
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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He Is Survived By...Oh, You've Got To Be Kidding!
Alexander Solly - Alexander Sollysnisn - Alexander Solzhesundheit - [ENABLE SNOOPY MODE] Alexander ____________ died of heart failure in Moscow. The Nobel laureate and chronicler of Communist oppression was 89. [/SNOOPY MODE]
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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The Doctors Replied: You're Just A Politician - What Do You Know About Anything?
Health Minister Tony Clement claimed that the Canadian public supported the government's plan to shut down Vancouver's Insite, a safe-injection site. When it was pointed out to him that every doctor who has studied the site believed it benefitted its users and the community, Clement shrugged and said, "They're just medical experts - what do they know about politics?"
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2008/07/06/oyveyminister080706]
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