Thank you, Luba Pelch, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Having been evicted because we couldn't make the mortgage payments, we find ourselves having to move out of our - oww! - sumptuous offices and into a - hey, watch it! - breadbox. As you can - GET THAT AWAY FROM MY FACE! - imagine, fitting a staff of 127 into a breadbox can be trick - I'm warning you! Do that one more time, and there will be consequences! - y. However, we're coping well...reasonably well...well, we're coping, and we're confident that we can continue to bring you your Daily Me without interru - okay, where's my liquid paper? YOU BASTARDS! WHO TOOK MY LIQUID PAPER!
Enjoy,Don't Answer! It's A Trick Question!
How gullible are you?
To find out how gullible you are, take this simple test. Read the following paragraph, and decide where, for you, it becomes ridiculous.
SARAH PALIN: Hey, didja know that Barack Obama likes to pal around with terrorists who targeted their own country? [1] It's true! I couldn't believe it myself! He invites them over for Sunday dinner with his wife, MeShell. [2] Then, after, they retire to the smoking room - gosh oh mighty, you know how members of the elite love their cigars and brandy! [3] - they talk about how they can free themselves from the yoke of their white oppressors if they just, golly gee, blow up some buildings! [4]
1) If the quote became ridiculous to you by this point, you obvious have a wide variety of information sources in the so-called "real world," as well as the ability to think for yourself. Are you sure you're an American?
2) If the quote became ridiculous to you by this point, you are somewhat informed about the issues and, for reasons we've never quite understood, immune to personal attacks on politicians. We sure wish you'd get with the programme.
3) If the quote became ridiculous to you by this point, you are ill-informed, but you can see through contradictory statements. We would recommend hitting your head against a wall until this ability goes away.
4) If the quote became ridiculous to you by this point, your main source of information is obviously The National Inquirer, because you are unable to see the contradictions in an argument but you do seem to be able to see through veiled appeals to racism. You're what we call a "low information voter" (because "moronic know-nothing" tends, for some reason, to turn people off), or "our kind of citizen."
If the quote didn't become ridiculous to you at any point, congratulations! You're just the kind of no-information voter the Republican Party is pinning its hopes on!
SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=604&dir=bb]
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Better Start Practicing Your Bread Line Etiquette Now
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1476533278]
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I Feel Safer...
Transcript of arms negotiations between American President Sarah Palin and Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin:
VLADIMIR PUTIN: About the American anti-missile defense being put in places like Poland and former Soviet Republics. Surely, you can see that Russia views this as a provocation.
SARAH PALIN: What I can see is Russia from my home state of Alaska. We are very close. And, you know, that raised the question of how best to protect the American people from a resurging Russian bear.
PUTIN: Umm?okay. But, can you not see that, by abrogating international arms limitations treaties, it is the United States that is making the world a more dangerous place?
PALIN: Well, you know, John McCain is a maverick, and I am a maverick. We're part of a team of mavericks. So, you have to expect us to do...uhh...mavericky things.
PUTIN: I...I'm sorry - what?
PALIN: As Governor of the State of Alaska, I gave citizens tax breaks every single year I was in office. That's the kind of experience that has given me the confidence to negotiate with you today.
PUTIN: You're missing the point. If we could - if we could just get back to the issue. It's the Unites States that - did...did you just wink at me?
SOURCE: The Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32122641322641365787fx]
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Either Fish Or Cut Bait And Switch
Moral Hazard: What happens to politicians who are given so much money by corporate sponsors that they feel they can deregulate industry without consequence.
SOURCE: The Dust Devil's Dictionary
[http://www.thedustdevilsdictionary.com/?M]
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The (Mourning) Song Remains The Same
BUSINESS: We can regulate ourselves. We don't need government oversight.
GOVERNMENT: Oh, yeah. Tell that to the victims of [A]!
BUSINESS: That just proves that the system works!
GOVERNMENT: I'm sorry.
BUSINESS: When the public finds out about [A], it will stop buying the product. The producers will either make their product safer or go out of business - problem solved!
GOVERNMENT: How many [B] have to die before the market corrects itself?
BUSINESS: See, it's just that kind of negativity that leads to the kind of overregulation kills businesses!
[A]SOURCE: Economics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummieshome.asp?did=499&dir=bb]
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Are We Talking About A Presidential Election Or High School?
Word tonight from the campaign trail, where John McCain is claiming to have suspended the suspension of his campaign. Does that mean that he is campaigning again? Nobody is saying for sure.
When asked if he is suspending the first suspension of his campaign or the second suspension of his campaign, McCain responded: "I'm not gonna respond to your gotcha journalism. I said what needed to be said, and, yeah, like that."
Since there have been two campaign suspensions but only one suspension suspension, you would assume that McCain still needs one more suspension suspension in order to continue his campaign. However, sources within the McCain camp are now claiming that he has super suspended both previous campaign suspensions, which would allow him to campaign with no addition suspension suspensions.
Or, he could admit that he never really suspended his campaign in the first place.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2008Oct01.html]
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