Thank you, Precocious Devine, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Conficker A? Conficker B? Sounds like a disease of the Do not adjust your screen. We're not worried about no stinkin' virus. We'r We control the vertical. ti-virus software made by Boris in the R&D lab in the basement. The thing ab We control the horizontal. ut corners, but Boris had 20 years of experience in Russian programming bef We come in peace. hreat is over-hyped. We're sure nothing bad is goi You will now quack like a duck. Quack! Quack quack! Quack!
April Fool's! (We hope...)
Enjoy,Economic Policy Courtesy Of Grand And Toy
Under increasing pressure to do something more than oppose Democratic policies, the Republican Party unveiled its economic policy: 17 blank pages. "But, it's got a great cover," House Minority Leader John Boehner pointed out.
Critics of the Republican Party wondered about the value of a budget proposal that didn't actually seem to contain anything remotely resembling, you know, a budget. "Oh, there will be numbers," Boehner continued. "Numbers that will beguile and amuse you. Numbers that will engage your senses and...do something similar but different to your minds. We'll be filling in those numbers just as soon as we figure out which ones will embarrass the Obama administration the most.
"In the meantime, what about that cover? It sure is something, isn't it?"
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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Curtains! Failed Again!
Garth Drabinsky has been found guilty of fraud in connection with his theatrical company Livent. His business career, like his theatrical productions, was bloated, way over-hyped, shallow, pandering, based on creating dishonest, unrealistic expectations and felt far too long.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now, Canada!
[http://www.canada.com/globulltv/globullshows/ern_canada.html]
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Another Argument Against: The Goofy Ideas You Come Up With
Another argument for the legalization of drugs: it would free up police officers to do the job we all believe they should be doing instead: tasering confused foreigners in airports.
SOURCE: High Times and Misdemeanors
[http://www.hightimes&misdemeanors.com/ht&m/legal/content.php?bid=277&add=4&PREPSESSID=2210a3cb91f40125db609d6988653f60]
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I Don't Want To Know What Her Hand Was Doing Between Your Legs, Chad. Really.
Nickelback was the big winner at this year's Juno Awards, winning Album of the Year and Group of the Year. Nickelback. You have to kind of wonder: have any of the voters ever heard any Nickelback?
SOURCE: LotsMusic
[http://www.lotsmusic.com/news/?thedate=3/30/2009#1]
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Moore Not Less
We are not worthy of Watchmen
.We were so keen on getting to the end of the story, we didn't get all the references to Bob Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower." And, yes, we have to admit that we didn't appreciate the clever page and scene transitions.
But, it gets worse. After the first issue, we didn't bother reading the interstitial material. We thought the Minutemen subplot got in the way of the main storyline. And...and we didn't care for the seafarer story, which not only got in the way of the main storyline but was also based on what had to be one of the least interesting comic genres of the 1950s.
And...we liked the movie.
Alan Moore, oh, Alan Moore, the world was simply not ready for your genius. Can you ever forgive us?
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/090321/geeklynews/01lucia.htm]
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I'll Bet Bernie Farber Knows The Answer
Four gone conclusions) "Israeli officials say they ultimately hope that Gazans will become disgusted with Hamas and drive the group from power," claims an article in the LA Times on the Israeli attack on Gaza. How is Israel dropping bombs on Gaza supposed to make Palestinians disgusted with anybody other than Israel?SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Pronounced: Bailowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwt
People are wondering why the auto bailout is getting so much more scrutiny from legislators than the bank bailout. The answer is that when greater sums of public money are involved, more oversight is required. And, obviously, the $32 billion auto bailout is significantly higher than the $700 billion bank bail –
Oh. Okay, I think I see where the problem is.
SOURCE: Economics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummieshome.asp?did=521&dir=bb]
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Queer Eye For The Karzai
American Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been reported to have given Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai a stern lecture after learning that he was considering a law that would make it illegal for women to refuse to have sex with their husbands, leave the house without their husband's protection or get custody of a child in any dispute if there was a living male relative.
"Why all the fuss?" Karzai shrugged. "I'm just playing to my base."
Privately, a representative of Karzai's government said, "We respect all that the United States has done for us, but, really, Hillary Clinton? What in the world made you think that if you sent a woman, we would listen to her?"
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLPFFQFIQMFSM5WAVCBR0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wS!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG20gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=20203]
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The Economy May Be Bad, But What Lengths Are You Prepared To Go To Increase Tourism?
Is your name on a terrorist watch list? You know, you may be a terrorist and not even know it. How can you determine if you are? Simple. Try to travel to Canada. If you are allowed into the country, your reputation is probably safe. If you are not allowed into the country, your name is on a list somewhere.
What if you're a Canadian? Simple. Travel to a foreign country. If you're allowed back into Canada, you're probably okay. If not, it's probably best to take some extra cash just to be on the safe side. Oh, and if you have ever known anybody in the press, just before you leave would be a good time to touch base.
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2009/03/30/watchthislist090330]
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