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Enjoy,God Does Not Play Dice With The American Political Universe
INT. REPRESENTATIVE MICHELE BACHMANN'S OFFICE - DAY
MICHELE BACHMANN: If I felt that's what the Lord was calling me to do, I would do it. When I have sensed that the Lord is calling me to do something, I've said yes to it. But I will not seek a higher office if God is not calling me to do it.
GOD: Michele...
BACHMANN: God? Is that you?
GOD: I don't want you to run for President.
BACHMANN: You say you want me to run for President, God?
GOD: No.
BACHMANN: Go?
GOD: No, no, no!
BACHMANN: Go, go, go?
GOD: Do not run for President!
BACHMANN: Do run for President?
GOD: No, Michele! No!
BACHMANN: Go, Michele, go?
GOD: Listen -
BACHMANN: God has spoken. I will run for President!
GOD: You didn't hear a word I said, did you?
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227219]
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Don't You Understand The Charter Of Rights And Freedoms Down There?
Tim Hortons had offered free coffee to a group sponsoring an anti-gay rally in Rhode Island, but, when the Canadian head office learned of the plan, it immediately withdrew the company's sponsorship.
"What? Are Canadians intolerant of intolerance?" rally organizer Gerhardt Hibakusha defiantly asked. "Geez, don't you understand the First Amendment up there?"
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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Slow Motion Frenzy
Tickets for an advance screening of 15 minutes of James Cameron's new 3-D film, Avatar, were being given away on its Web site. My local newspaper said that getting the tickets was the start of a "fan frenzy" over the movie. Oh, really?
2:55: Web site is largely empty.
2:59: Web site is largely empty.
3:00: Web site has crashed.
3:01: Can't get through. Web site has crashed.
3:02: Still can't get through. Web site has crashed.
3:05: Web site still crashed.
3:10: Web site still crashed.
3:30: Web site slow, but loading...loading...load - nope, still crashed.
3:54: Web site has crashed.
4:00: Web site has crashed. Have to pee.
4:15: Web site has crashed. Putting off peeing, because I am certain that I will be able to get through at any second.
4:30: Web site still crashed. Pain increasing. Must hold on...
4:57: Could hold out no longer. Went to the bathroom.
5:01: Got back on and tickets were completely gone!
5:02: Broke everything within reach.
Yes, I suppose I ended up in a frenzy, but I don't think it was the kind the newspaper writer had in mind!
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/090816/geeklynews/01latraviata.htm]
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Diaper Change We Can Believe In
Democrats have gone on the offensive, paying for ads and going on talk shows to debunk the myth that "Poop Panels" are part of health care reform.
"Look, all the legislation says is that if a baby consults a doctor about how often to go to the bathroom, the public plan will pay for it," explained President Obama at a town hall meeting. "The government will not tell American toddlers when they can go to the bathroom or what they can do there. That is patently false."
SOURCE: Playtoy Magazine
[http://www.playtoy.com/worldofplaytoy/hmh/news/reform-our-ass-001.html]
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They Should Have Gone With "Flamooshka"
9pm. AMC. Mad Men. Publisher William M. Gaines and advertising executive Dan Draper get into a fistfight over the use of the word "Potrzebie" as a sound effect.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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And, People Say The Republicans Don't Have A Plan For Dealing With The Health Care Crisis!
How to disrupt a Democratic town hall meeting in 6 easy steps:
1. Yell.SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/10809638286023470537946374864826327cahs01.html]
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And, Why Are We Giving Her Precious Real Estate In Our Brains?
Mischa Barton is in the hospital! Mischa Barton is at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles! Mischa Barton needs psychiatric observation! Mischa Barton has been placed under an involuntary psychiatric hold! Poor Mischa Barton!
Who is Mischa Barton?
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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Yes We Afghanistan!
9 to five) How obvious is it that the elections in Afghanistan are corrupt?SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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The (White) House Always Wins?
INT. A BACK ROOM IN THE WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT
PRESIDENT: Now, I expect a friendly game.
REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN: Of course, Mister President.
PRESIDENT: Okay... I deal... How would you -
REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN: If you dare try to win, you're socialist scum!
PRESIDENT: Oh. Well, then I fold.
REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN: Folding won't help you. You're worse than Hitler!
PRESIDENT: Why don't I give you all my chips?
REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN: Thank you, Mister President. I will take them. And, I hope it teaches you a valuable lesson: only Republicans know how to play poker!
PAUSE.
PRESIDENT: Uhh, that seems to be the end of the game.
REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN: So it does, Mister President.
PRESIDENT: So...same time next week, then?
REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN: My pleasure, Mister President.
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227217]
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