Thank you, mu opioid taylor, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. As it happens, we only agitate squids when we've run out of toner in the office printer. But, really, it's not like you can milk them or anything!
Enjoy,When Is Paul McCartney Going To Sue For Butchering Without A Licence?
So, Prime Minister Stephen Harper pounded the ivories (he's not subtle enough to tickle them) the other day, playing the Beatles' "With a Little Help From My Friends." Within 24 hours, just about every other Beatles song was referenced in headlines and articles about the event. Of the over 200 songs credited to the Beatles, the only one that doesn't appear to have been referenced - the only one I can base my own response on and still claim to be original - was "Revolution 9."
WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH "REVOLUTION 9?" It isn't even really a Beatles song - it's a Yoko Ono vanity project masquerading as a Beatles song! Don't get me wrong - I like Fluxus as much as the next Philistine. It's just that performance art has its place, AND ITS PLACE IS NOT ON A BEATLES ALBUM!
I can't really blame this on the Prime Minister - there are too many "clever" people in Canadian journalism - but I'll find a way. Oh, I'll find a way.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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And, Fox Is The Anus
NOAM CHOMSKY: Let's be honest: a lot of shit is being said by politicians. I don't know which is scarier: the shit being said by those who know better or the shit being said by those who don't. Either way, the shit is quickly distributed by a partisan and compliant media.
WELLINGTON: So, you're saying that the media are the digestive tract of the American body politic?
CHOMSKY: Uhh...yes, I suppose I am...
SOURCE: Wryerson Journalism Review
[http://www.wryerson.ca/wrj/online/bif-wellington3.html]
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Silvio Needs To Get Himself On That Court
A top Italian court began deliberating over whether a law granting Premier Silvio Berlusconi and other top officials immunity from prosecution is constitutional. "This law is necessary," Berlusconi argued, "to ensure that criminal cases aren't brought for political reasons."
When it was pointed out that Berlusconi was the principal in two criminal trials before he had strong-armed the law into existence, Berlusconi responded, "Exactly! And, if those trials are allowed to reach a conclusion, my career as a politician would be over! It doesn't get any more political than that!"
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UD23FLAPLFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/r119/Os/14/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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Q: What The Hell Kind Of Answer Is That? A: Thank You For Asking.
Q: If the recession is over, why am I still without a job and facing eviction because I can no longer pay the mortgage on a house that is worth less than when I bought it?
A: Because you're not an economist.
SOURCE: Economics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummieshome.asp?did=528&dir=bb]
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I Think You're Mistaking Him For Another Giant Of The Canadian Stage Who Died Recently. And, I Think You're Mistaking HIM For A Star Wars Character
Actor Douglas Campbell has died at the age of 87. Campbell had spent a lifetime performing at the Stratford and Shaw Festivals, among other venues. People from around the country were amazed...that somebody could actually make a living for so long acting in theatre in Canada.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Rush Crawls Out On A Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh recently compared himself to the Taliban. How are they similar? Oh, let us count the ways:
| Limbaugh | Taliban | |
|---|---|---|
| Disapprove of Obama Nobel Peace Prize |  | |
| Want Obama to fail | | |
| Never been elected to public office | | |
| Hostile to women | | |
| Convinced of their infallible correctness | | |
| Live in a world only tangential to reality | | |
| Intolerant of dissent | | |
| Have been hooked on drugs | | |
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=650&dir=bb]
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More Incentive To Turn The Pool In Your Back Yard Into Sea World In The Winter
October 27: Agitate a Squid Day
Well, they do seem to be complacent bastards of the deep, don't they? Poke a squid with a long stick. Force a squid to watch a 12 hour Nicolas Cage movie marathon. Read a squid the latest unemployment figures. Be imaginative! Because, you know that the squid, given half a chance, would do the same to you!
SOURCE: The Non-existent Pages
[http://www.utopia.tv/erewhon/index.html]
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Pay Commensurate With Innocence Level
WANTED: three children ages four to seven. POSITION: spending three to six hours a day being themselves around a prominent Canadian politician in order to humanize him. HOURS: vary depending upon whether the House is in session or the politician is traveling to remote areas of the country. PAY: base rate plus commission based on a sliding scale depending upon how human the politician looks to the Canadian public. Danger pay can be negotiated. APPLY: The Office of the Prime Minister, Ottawa.
SOURCE: Your Guide To Getting Jobbed
[http://on.ygtgj.com/listings/048938.qrhtml]
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Actually, The Swedes HAVE Waited A Long Time - Nobel Prizes Are Awarded In Norway
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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And The Lord Lookethed Upon Conservapedia, And It Was Right
THE BOOK OF REVISIONSAnd, the Lord spake to the prophet (self-proclaimed) Andrew Schlafly. And, when the Lord spake, the Lord didst say, "Andrew, old bean, I am much vexed by current interpretations of the Words of my Son."
And, the prophet (which just goes to show thee how lowly the vocation of propheting had becometh) Andrew Schlafly, the better to sucketh up to the Divine One, didst respond, "What vexeth thee, oh Lord?"
And, the Lord spoketh further, which further spokething went something like: "The believers have it all wrong. They've turned my Son into a simpering, socialist cretin. I need somebody to use Conservapedia to show them the One True Conservative Free Market Anti-Communist God."
To which the prophet (really, is this the best the human race can come up with?) Andrew Schlafly responded with a hearty, "Alllllll riiiiiiight!" By which he meant, "Amen."
SOURCE: The Bible - The Continuing Story
