Thank you, Justine Amblyopia, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. See, we always thought the Sex and the City star's name was pronounced Nawwth. You know, like it rhymed with sloth. (We meant no disrespect, we were just too lazy to come up with a nicer rhyme.) But, no. Apparently, it is pronounced Noth. No-th. We were stunned. How could we have gotten it wrong all these years? We had to go sit in a solarium until the shame passed. Unfortunately, the nearest solarium was 160 miles away, and we were out of the office for most of the day. The good news is: we feel no shame.
Enjoy,To Dream The Impossible Dream (And, Then Tell A Pollster About It)
More than a third of Canadians have said the recession has made them rethink their career strategy. In an online survey commissioned by American Express, 28 per cent said they were considering ways to potentially turn their personal interests into money-making pursuits.
Of that number, 98 per cent said that they had no way of realistically accomplishing this, and that thinking about it in order to answer the survey questions was either depressing or highly depressing. The other 2 per cent were believed to have a fulfilling career ahead of them as street beggars.
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=LOT49dd7-f6f3-4f4f-9f25-a2eb4cc6a747]
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Methodological Rigor Mortis Sets In
A new study indicates that you shouldn't believe new studies.
An analysis of 103 studies on a variety of subjects shows: 37% of studies draw conclusions that are not supported by the facts; 41% of studies confuse opinions with facts in order to support their conclusions, and; 50% or more of survey questions in a whopping 67% of studies are written to lead the respondent to a conclusion desired by the study's sponsor.
"It really is amazing, the amount of junk information that is out there," stated Berkely von Bowker, lead researcher on the study. She seemed taken aback when we asked why, given these numbers, anybody should believe the results of her study. "Because...because our study is scientific!" von Bowker blustered.
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1024H3EC-2D145-20K5-AAA1582654B710001]
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Context Truly Is Everythi - OWWWWWWWWW!
In response to the deaths of suspects who had been tasered, the RCMP and OPP have developed new guidelines for the weapon's use. The chest is no longer an appropriate target; officers have been advised that they should aim for a part of a suspect's body below it.
"Well, that's hardly fair!" one CIA contractor, who asked to remain anonymous for reasons that will soon become apparent, responded to the news. "If the RCMP sends 50,000 volts to a suspect's genitals, he's just protecting the public. If I send 50,000 volts to a suspect's genitals, I've just committed a war crime!"
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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This Has A Lock On Strangest Story Of The Year
A lock of hair that has been proven by DNA testing to once have belonged to Elvis Presley is going on the auction block this Sunday.
How did the auction house get a base sample of Presley's DNA to authenticate the hair? "It wasn't easy," Mary Williams, of Leslie Hindman Auctioneers, stated. "I nearly put my back out digging in the cold, hard ground. More than that, I really shouldn't say..."
SOURCE: Peephole
[http://peephole.aol.com/peephole/articles/0,19926,1043649,00.html]
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As That Renowned Philosopher Donald...Rumsfeld Truly Said: Democracy Is Messy
Should people who create polls on Farcebook asking if President Barack Obama should be killed be tried for treason?SOURCE: Farcebook
[http://www.farcebook.com/profile.php?v=feed&id=639518635#/note.php?note_id=65558766376&ref=mf]
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Please Hang Up That Towel
One often overlooked feature of that wholly remarkable book known as The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is that it includes bad ideas. Most guidebooks tell you what to look for in a vacation spot; the truly superior guide also tells you what to avoid.
Quantum backscratchers? A pretty bad idea.
The Black Hole Restaurant and Tuck Shop? It may, at first blush, have seemed like a stroke of genius, but, when they came to think of it as they were standing in line to go in, many people started to believe it to be not a very good idea. Quite a bad one, in fact.
Ad hoc Hockadians attempting to parfray their bellsnazzies in front of the entire Galactic Council? Even a young snozzie could see how bad an idea that was.
But, a very bad idea, indeed, the absolute worst idea in the entire galaxy, was letting another author write a new Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy book after the death of Douglas Adams.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.42.42/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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The Kick Doesn't Feel As Good When The Self-righteous Boot Is On The Other Foot...In Bed
Environment Minister Jim Prentice denies that countries walked out of Canada's presentation on climate change to protest its stand on a new deal. Prentice claims that they left the hall for their own reasons before the Canadian delegate spoke.
When asked why they would do that, Prentice replied: "The South African delegation left because they realized that they had left the oven on and were afraid that it might burn the house down. The Chinese delegates left because they remembered that they still had dissidents that hadn't been imprisoned and tortured. They were very apologetic. As for the other three or four absent delegations, I'm thinking they had dry mouths and really needed something stronger to drink than water!"
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2009/10/12/gindandy091012]
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Olympia Snowe Job
SOUND: buzzer.
SECRETARY: Senator Snowe?
OLYMPIA SNOWE: Yes?
SECRETARY: History on line two.
SNOWE: History is calling?
SECRETARY: That's right.
SNOWE: Tell History...that I'm out.
SECRETARY: History was very insistent.
SNOWE: I'm sure. But, I...I'm very busy right now.
SECRETARY: Sorry, are you out, or are you busy?
SNOWE: Can I be busy while I'm out?
SECRETARY: It would probably sound better to History if you chose one or the other.
SNOWE: Because, you know, I may be here now, but I may not be here tomorrow.
SECRETARY: Uhh, yes, but History is on the line now.
SNOWE: For that matter, I may be healthy today but I may be sick tomorrow.
SECRETARY: Senator, I don't think -
SNOWE: What should I do?
SECRETARY: Well...when History calls, History calls.
SNOWE: Oh, that's good - I like that! May I use it?
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227223]
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