The Great Naymanini - The Human Special Effect
Will Perform at Weddings and Bar Mitzvahs
Thank you, Lady Felicity Fitz-Phartasse, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we had a WTF moment when we stumbled into the office and people told us we had a tattoo on our forehead. Really? Looking in the mirror in the office latrine, we saw really. The tattoo read: "Well, duh!" How Zen of us.
Enjoy,Oil Be Back
Charlie looks over the brown, dead landscape, trying not to look up at the equally dead grey sky overhead. The poisons that infect the ground and the sky are different, of course, but the effect is the same: the planet has become largely unlivable, and what few human beings are left will do anything to survive. Charlie looks over the remains of a dead planet and finds he has only one thought in his head.
"Thank god Stephen Harper's Conservatives did not make hypocritical international commitments on greenhouse gas emission reductions!"
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32342641204648714687fx]
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You Don't Score Points With Friends You've Never Met By Planting Corn In The Ground
Okay, call me cynical, but wouldn't the United States be better off if fewer people played Farmville on Facebook and actually, you know, LIVED IN THE COUNTRY AND FARMED?
SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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He Thinks He Can Do What He Wants, But Kenney?
According to Minister of Citizenship, Immigration and Multiculturalism Jason Kenney, "I often get more done when the House is not in session." This is another example of the short-sightedness of the Conservative government.
Imagine how much more Kenney could get done if he didn't have to deal with the pesky Ottawa bureaucracy. True, Ottawa is neutering a lot of arms-length agencies, but, if efficiency is truly its goal, it should be considering cutting the civil service down - we think 12 is a good number.
For that matter, democracy would work much more smoothly if only politicians didn't have to worry about the petty concerns of citizens. Perhaps Prime Minister Harper should consider proroguing Canada.
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=0ec0eca-b6e6-4c18-bf9b-07b612cc48oed]
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So We Can Be Knocked Down By Politics As Usual
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1325538738]
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Some People Give Themselves Such Aires!
Some people are having a hard time following what is happening in late night television. Allow me to explain.
One millionaire has put another millionaire in the position of having to quit his job only seven months after he started. This was to please a third millionaire that the first millionaire took the job from to give to the second millionaire in the first place. Several other millionaires have been making jokes at the second or third millionaire's expense, as well as the company that employed the first three millionaires.
And, millions of people who are not aires are watching this debacle, totally enchanted.
SOURCE: Entertainment For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/home.asp?did=515&dir=bb]
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Sure I'll Rent Out My Body - It's Not Like I Was Using It For Anything...
Do you remember the scenes in Eddie Murphy's remake of The Nutty Professor where his body starts to go all gooey? The CGI in those scenes must have cost a fortune. I could have saved the studio most of that.
Once you know which part of the body you want to go all wobbly, simply inject it with cat dander, wait a few minutes, then let those cameras roll! The effect costs next to nothing and looks real - because it is!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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When Did They Become Canadians?
With the victory of a Republican in a special election in Massachusetts, the Democrats have lost their supermajority in the Senate. Figuring that it was because they didn't play nice enough with the opposition, many Democrats have gnawed off their own testicles and offered them to the Republican Party.
When did they become beavers?
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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Hu's On First
It wasn't a great week for China. First, Google threatened to pull out of the country because, it alleges, the government used the search engine to spy on its own people. Then, American Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made a speech on Internet censorship called for an investigation of the allegations.
"There is no censorship in China," Chinese President Hu Jintao feistily responded. "We are merely differently free speeched."
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFPACKQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/28/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi4Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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The Ballad of a Thin Mind
Did anybody call for a Conservative punditSOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/307.html]
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