Thank you, Buckaroo Bonzai, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, are you the Buckaroo Bonzai? We mean, of course you are - how many Buckaroo Bonzais could there possibly be in the world? Oh, man, we have all of your comic books! But, aah, of course, we got them from our parents. Because of, you know, the whole age thi - Buckaroo Bonzai reads our little source for all of your transnational information news needs. Wow. It almost makes us forget how angry we are that we never saw you fight the World Crime League. Almost.
Enjoy,It's Enough To Make You Want To Drink Yourself To Death At Home
The hottest trend in New York is to bring babies to bars. Some people are uncomfortable with this, believing, for example, that not smoking outside the bar near where strollers are parked is an unreasonable limit on their freedom to kill themselves slowly.
Really, though, how bad can it be? Consider a comparison between the behaviour of adults in bars and that of toddlers:
| behaviour | adult | child |
|---|---|---|
| obnoxiously loud behaviour |  | |
| crying in public | | |
| spitting up | | |
| public urination | | |
| throwing up in public | | |
| embarrassing unsolicited confession | | |
| embarrassing unsolicited game of peek-a-boo | | |
| next day recriminations | | |
| reasonable excuse for conduct | |
Actually, when looked at this way, it makes more sense to let children into bars than adults!
SOURCE: Peephole
[http://peephole.aol.com/peephole/articles/0,10536,1079239,00.html]
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Republicans Can Only Look On And Drool
Ayad Allawi, head of the Iraqiya party, is claiming that he has won a majority of the seats in Iraq's parliament even though none of the votes have been counted.
"What can I say?" Allawi allowed. "I don't like drama. That's for the Oscars - how about that Sandra Bullock? Nobody saw that one coming! Anyhoo. Surprises: they're for awards ceremonies, not national elections."
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2010March10.html]
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How About This Title For His Next Book: Stop Listening To My Advice, Schmuck!?
Get Out Before I Bankrupt You!After Watch TV, Get Rich and Getting Back to Even, Get Out Before I Bankrupt You! seems like the next logical book for Mad Money maven Cramer to write. Given his track record, it is not, however, the next logical book for any of his fans to read.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.42.57/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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And, This Was One Of His Good Days
Catherine Bigelow has become the first woman to win a best director Oscar for her film The Hurt Locker, which also took best picture. As usual, James Cameron, who was competing against her with his film Avatar, responded to the decision of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences with tact and grace.
"Those [EXPLETIVE DELETED] morons gave it to who?" he shouted so loud it shook parts of California, neighbouring states and Mexico. "I can't [EXPLETIVE DELETED] believe that that [EXPLETIVE DELETED] bitch won over me! I mean, has anybody seen how much money Avatar has made? What did The Hurt Locker gross? Thirty-seven cents? That's art, baby! What a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] gyp!"
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2010/2010/03/08/hecameronhesawheconquered/]
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SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1176511008]
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Defendor Bender
Even though it stars Woody Harrelson and Kat Dennings, Defendor is a Canadian movie. You know how you can tell? At the end, the mentally handicapped hero is shot to death. Death. He dies. In an American movie, he would have been wearing a bullet-proof vest, or just a very thick sweater, or the bullets would have miraculously missed all of his major arteries.
Or, worse: in an American movie, the shooting would have miraculously cured his handicap.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now, Canada!
[http://www.canada.com/globulltv/globullshows/ern_canada.html]
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The Highlight For Me Was The Olympia Sound Check Where He Jammed With Cream's Roadie!
I can't help but wonder how Jimi Hendrix, the master guitarist who has been dead for over 40, years would have responded to the release of Depths of Uranus: The Unreleased Sound Checks. He was, after all, a technical perfectionist, and you have to believe that many of the cuts on this disc would not have lived up to his high standards.
The Woodstock sound check, for example, meanders aimlessly before reaching an unimpressive climax that is marred by one of his sidemen coughing out of tune. Disappointing, considering the importance of the performance that followed.
Of course, there are also some hidden gems on Depths of Uranus. A blistering sound check for a 1969 Maple Leaf Gardens concert is a reminder of the unique virtuosity Hendrix brought to his instrument. Good to know there's at least one track on the disc that'll make your ears bleed!
So, I guess it's a toss-up, really.
SOURCE: LotsMusic
[http://www.lotsmusic.com/news/?thedate=2/22/2010#1]
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Stage Six: Taking A Baby To A Bar
The five stages of scientific grief:
1) Denial: I don't believe that Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' theory of the five stages of grief isn't universal.
2) Anger: you want me to believe that Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' theory of the five stages of grief isn't universal? FUCK YOU!
3) Bargaining: if you just let Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' theory of the five stages of grief be universal, I promise I won't abuse it with my patients.
4) Depression: I can't believe that Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' theory of the five stages of grief isn't universal! Pass me some of that chocolate, will you?
5) Acceptance: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' theory of the five stages of grief isn't universal. Guess I better figure out how to be a better grief councilor now.
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1124H3EC-2D1K45-205-EEE1582614B718751]
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