The Daily Me - Butler Smedley

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The Daily Me Staff

We Are Somewhat Concerned About The Possibility That Some Unnamed Security Officials Have Developed Quite An Attachment To A Kind Of McCarthyism

CSIS Director Richard McFadden has accused two unnamed provincial cabinet ministers and a number of other government officials and employees of being under the influence of foreign countries. "We're in fact a bit worried in a couple of provinces that we have an indication there are some political figures who have developed quite an attachment to foreign countries," McFadden told the CBC.

"Boy, is that ever anti-Semitic!" roared Canadian Jewish Congress National Chief Executive Officer Bernie Farber. "Just because somebody who is Jewish achieves a position of power in government does not mean that they use it to benefit the state of Israel!"

When it was pointed out to him that McFadden was actually talking about China, Farber chuckled and said, "China? He was talking about China? Oh, that's completely different - obviously, politicians of Asian descent are working for China. I thought everybody knew that..."

SOURCE: Glob and Maul

[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20100622.eladvote0622_@/BNStory/newsJewsYouCanUse2010/]
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Let Me Make Myself McChrystal Clear

President Obama has accepted the resignation of General Stanley McChrystal after the head of operations in Afghanistan and members of his staff made disparaging comments about civilian military leadership in Rolling Stone magazine. It's a start, I suppose. Still, at this rate, it will take decades to get all of America's 100,000 troops out of the country.

SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler

[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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Yuan Me, Baby, It's Just Yuan Me

under the G, 20) Days before the G20 summit, China agreed to allow the value of its currency to rise against the American dollar. It has made this promise many times before - why is this time different? a) Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao didn't do his Richard Nixon impression at the press conference announcing the policy, so you know he is serious
b) the Premier's signature on the communique distributed to the press didn't have hearts over the letter "i" in the place of dots like it usually does, so you know the country is serious
c) because Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper hadn't allotted any time at the summit for squabbling about currencies, and he's been serious since the womb

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Please Stop Hanging A Rand - It's Starting To Get Creepy

MONDAY: Attorneys for the rock band Rush have asked Rand Paul to stop playing the song "The Spirit of Radio" at his rallies, claiming that the Republican Kentucky Senate candidate hadn't paid for the rights. "Oh, that's okay," Paul responded. "I always liked 'The Trees' better anyway, but my campaign manager said it wasn't upbeat enough."

TUESDAY: I woke up in a pool of sweat AND felt wrung out for the entire day. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

WEDNESDAY: Elton, Elton, Elton, what happened to you? In the aftermath of the Israeli attack on a peace flotilla in international waters, you played a gig in Tel Aviv, arguing that "Musicians spread love and peace and bring people together."

Seriously? Did you expect Israel to lift the blockade of Gaza just because you played a few songs from Honky Chateau? Did you think Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu would say, "As soon as I heard the first strains of 'Saturday Night's All Right for Fighting,' I knew we had to dismantle the settlements!"?

One of us is being naive, and, for a change, I don't think it's me.

THURSDAY: Right. Vuvuzelas. It's good to know that when there are no more bees on the planet, we'll have something that can remind us of what they sounded like!

FRIDAY: So, my boyfriend and I were checking out porn sites (he went to see Sex and the City 2 - fair is fair), and I noticed that you could flag content on some of them. What content could possibly be offensive to people who are looking at a porn site? Couples keeping their clothes on? People who say, "I don't feel like sex tonight, why don't we just cuddle?" People who post messages to the boards about politics? Images of kittens?

We live in a strange world.

SATURDAY: So, the earthquake happened. I was sitting in my kitchen when the floor shook back and forth. My stomach rolled with it. Plates rattled in the cupboards. The dishwasher thudded on its legs. Oh, great. Even a natural disaster reminds me that I need to lose weight!

SUNDAY: The Canadian National Pork Board has issued a cease-and-desist warning to online retailer ThinkGeek for advertising tins of processed unicorn flesh as "the new white meat." I'm torn. On the one hand, they have a point: unicorn meat is dark brown with colourful bits embedded in it. It clearly isn't white - that's false advertising, that is. On the other hand, if the Pork Board wins its case, where am I going to get my FDA approved daily recommended dose of sparkles?

SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page

[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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Tennis Fans Have Been Riveted...To Other Sports

The longest tennis match in history, between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut has entered its fifth year. They have played 244,378 games, with 289,012 aces served and 1,315,007 points.

"I was sure, puff puff puff," stated Isner in a break in the action, "that I had him - pant pant pant - on July 23, 2014 - huff huff huff. Oh - pant - well - pant!"

Wimbledon has had to postpone several tournaments in order to allow the match to continue. "We make it up in t-shirt sales," an unnamed Wimbledon spokesperson, who appeared to want to trip one of the players to get the damn thing over with already, stated.

SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report

[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml#56038187661]
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Al Qeada Really Needs Some Deodorant
I'm Not Going To Be The One To Tell Them

Aww, this is just ridiculous! The Supreme Court has ruled that "material support" to terrorist groups includes giving them advice. So, if I said to Hamas "Get a haircut!" or if I advised the Tamil Tigers to "Lighten up! Nobody likes a sourpuss!" should I expect a knock on the door and to be taken off in a black van to an undisclosed loca

SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills

[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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