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Enjoy,He's Back To Petraeus Some More
Taking control of the American Afghan adventure from the tarnished McChrystal, General David Petraeus began an immediate sortie of cliches. "Civilian and military, Afghan and international, we are a part of one team, with one mission," Petraeus stated.
"Your success is our success," Petraeus told the Afghans in the audience.
"In this important endeavour, cooperation is not optional," Petraeus added.
But, will this new platitude offensive be enough to turn the war around?
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2010Jul01.html]
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Nothing To Fear But Fear Its - HOLY SHIT!
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1374563098]
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If She Wins, Will She Accept The Award Anyway?
Margaret Atwood's The Year of the Flood is one of four Canadian finalists for the John W. Campbell Memorial Award for Science Fiction. It's a good thing Atwood doesn't write science fiction, or the other finalists would have to be worried!
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.42.63/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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Yes: Judge Mental
In a five to four ruling, the Supreme Court of the United States has decided that it is not Constitutional to ban the carrying of handguns in the building of the Supreme Court of the United States.
In a dissenting opinion, Justice Sotomayor wrote, "The implications of this decision are stunning. Does the majority appreciate, for instance, how much a Kevlar vest will change the contours of our robes?" Justice Stevens, in his last argument before retiring, wrote: "ARE THEY MENTAL?"
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2010-06-29-kevlar-konsciousness_x.htm]
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His Master's Rodent Control
Alberta Premier Ed Stelmach has taken out an ad in the Washington Post touting one of the province's major industries: rat poison. The ad argues that rat poison is essential for public health (rats being known to spread diseases and all) and, in any case, the human body can ingest far more rat poison without long-term harmful effects than is commonly believed.
When pressed about why his government spent $55,800 on an ad in an American newspaper, Stelmach stated, "A lot of misinformation about Albertan rat poison has been spread around Washington, and I felt it was in the best interest of the province to counter it. I will never apologize for promoting one of the drivers of Alberta's economy!"
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=50ddccd7-f6f3-4f4f-9f25-a2eb4cc6a529]
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Steele-Kagan Match
Obama Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan has been offered a spot filling in for Jay Leno on The Tonight Show when he goes on vacation. "As it happens," one Tonight Show staffer, who refused to be named but has an amazing collection of motor vehicles, commented, "her performance in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee has been funnier than my - I mean, Jay's monologues."
While she said she was flattered, Kagan insisted she would refuse the offer if it was made to her. "I couldn't host The Tonight Show," she explained. "Not after what Jay did to Conan."
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2010/2010/06/29/oneelenanominee/]
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Stupid Democratic Right To Assembly! Whose Dumbass Idea Was That?
HUGH BICKWITTIS: Okay, you're watching Blame the Victim. Before we get back to the game, I have a moment to talk with one of today's contestants, Marthe, whose last name I am not going to pretend I cannot mangle.
MARTHE BRUCKSHIPPFE: Thanks, Hugh.
HUGH BICKWITTIS: (consults card) Now, Marthe, it says here that your hobbies are fearing a home invasion by non-Caucasians, fearing an invasion of ants in your basement and fearing an invasion of the country by the military of the Austro-Hungarian empire.
MARTHE BRUCKSHIPPFE: I try to be well-rounded, Hugh.
HUGH BICKWITTIS: Well, that's enough of that. It's your turn for the solo round, and the categories are: current events, history and quotes. Which category would you like to choose?
MARTHE BRUCKSHIPPFE: I'll go with...current events, Hugh.
HUGH BICKWITTIS: Okay, Marthe. For 500 points... (consults new card) G20 protestors in Toronto had their constitutional rights suspended, were held for as much as 20 hours in makeshift concrete cells where many were denied food, water or medicine and were ultimately released without charge. How do you...blame the victim?
MARTHE BRUCKSHIPPFE: Oh! Oh! I know this one!
HUGH BICKWITTIS: I'm sure you do.
MARTHE BRUCKSHIPPFE: Is it...umm...
HUGH BICKWITTIS: You only have 30 seconds...
MARTHE BRUCKSHIPPFE: Oh, okay, I'm going to take a wild guess...is it: the stupid bastards deserved what they got. If they wanted to avoid any trouble, they shouldn't have gone downtown during the G20 to protest?
HUGH BICKWITTIS: Judges? (pause) Yes, yes, Marthe, the judges accept your answer! Well played!
MARTHE BRUCKSHIPPFE: Phew. That question was tougher than I thought.
HUGH BICKWITTIS: We also would have accepted dumb shits, damn morons and foolish gits.
MARTHE BRUCKSHIPPFE: Dumb shits - of course!
HUGH BICKWITTIS: (insincere laughter) Of course. Now, contestants, it's time for the lightning round...
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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Oh, ICANN Be Dirty On The Internet!
The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) has approved the use of the high level domain designation "XXX" for use by pornographic Web sites. Now, "highanddry.com" can properly call itself "highanddry.xxx," and nobody will confuse "babysindiapers.xxx" for an online child supply store.
"It's been a long time coming, but I'm excited about the fact that .xxx will soon become a reality," said Internet registry provider ICM Chairman Stuart Lawley. "What could possibly go wrong?"
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.xxx/servlet/story/RTGAM.20100626.eladvote0626_@/BNStory/newsGotcha2010/]
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