Canada is not involved in the war in Afghanistan. Thank you, Salman Sashimi, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, today's edition was written under the influence of Elvis Costello.
Enjoy,"You're Nobody Til Everybody In This Town Thinks You're A Bastard"
What Kory Teneycke said about his resignation from Sun TV: "As the saying goes, perception can be reality. When over 80,000 people sign a petition saying your intent is to propagate hate, you know these perceptions have moved into the realm of reality."
What Kory Teneycke said about his resignation from Sun TV (reading between the lines): "We're not going to get a special licence from the CRTC, so the project is dead in the water. I'm getting out while the getting's good! Hee hee - Bobba Fett signed the petition. Good one."
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2010/09/12/503721.html]
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At the age of 96, actor Kevin McCarthy no longer has a body to snatch.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Jana Sterback called - she wants her conceptual art back.
Lady Gaga, blowing up what remained of the envelop from the last time she blew it up, wore a dress made out of meat to the MTV MVAs. She had planned on wearing a dress made out of steaks six months ago, but somebody took it out of the fridge and ate it even though it was clearly marked "Lady Gaga's - DO NOT TOUCH!"
Rumours in her entourage was that the original meat dress was taken by a roadie named Phil, but this has yet to be confirmed.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2010/2010/096/13/gagaforgaga/]
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Vestigial Democracy (noun): a form of political organization in which power is concentrated in a small number of hands, but individuals are allowed to retain the power to make relatively innocuous decisions, a power that gives them the illusion of participating in their country's governance. EXAMPLE: "They want WHAT? More social services? Every so often, we let them vote for one of us to lead them - what more could they possibly ask for? Vestigial democracy is a sickness, I tell you! A disease! When are we going to find a vaccine to cure it?!
SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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8pm. Sun TV. The Right Position. Host: Ezra Levant.
9pm. Sun TV. Getting Politics Right. Host: Ezra Levant.
10pm. Sun TV. The Voice of Moderation. Host: Preston Manning.
10:05pm. Sun TV. Who Has the Right? Host: Ezra Levant.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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"Welcome To The Working Week"
Having run out of governments and other financial institutions to sue, Lehman Brothers is now suing every citizen of the United States.
"Either you put your money into the investment bank," explained Lehman lawyer Louie Lamentable, "in which case you should have kept a closer eye on management, so you're to blame for its collapse, or you didn't put your money into the bank, keeping it from the funds that could have kept it solvent, which means that you are to blame for its collapse."
Taking a big breath, Lamentable added: "Either way, every American should expect to be served with notice of the suit in the next day or two."
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2010-09-15-lehman-lemons_x.htm]
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"Yaaar, matey, ye'll be wantin' ta get yer chestal regions tested if ye knows what's good fer ye! This walkin' the diseased gangplank is often completely preventable....arrrrr! So, get yerself down ta the sick bay today, right? If not fer yerself, do it...fer the children! Arrrrrrrr!"
What happenes when Talk Like a Pirate Day happens in the middle of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It isn't pretty.
SOURCE: The Non-existent Pages
[http://www.utopia.tv/erewhon/index.html]
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INT. KITCHEN - DAY
MOM, dressed, and VICKI, still in pyjamas, are having breakfast.
MOM: Vicki, have you taken your shower yet?
VICKI: I'm having breakfast.
MOM: So, you will after you're done eating?
VICKI: (suspicious) Mom, why are you so eager for me to take my shower?
MOM: (defensive) You need to be clean for school, dear. That...that's all.
VICKI: It has nothing to do with the books you've had laser printed on the towels?
MOM: Victoria! How could you possibly think such a thing?
VICKI: Last week, I read the first three chapters of War and Peace while I was drying myself after a shower. The week before that, I read Kafka's "Metamorphosis" while drying my hair. Seriously, mom, this is not the way to make me literate.
MOM: I understand, dear.
VICKI: Good.
MOM: But, have I ever told you how much I loved reading Madame Bovary when I was your age?
VICKI: Mooooooom!
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227355]
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Canada is not involved in the war in Afghanistan.
Of course Canada is involved in the war in Afghanistan, but we are fighting it cleanly, according to the Geneva Conventions and other rules of military conduct.
The Canadian Security Intelligence Service is not involved in Canada's efforts in the war in Afghanistan.
YOU ARE HERE: CSIS interrogated as many as 50 Afghan prisoners captured by Canadian Forces in Afghanistan, but they were never mistreated.
CSIS agents may have mistreated Afghan prisoners, but the agents were out of line and will be disciplined internally.
Mistreatment of Afghan prisoners by CSIS agents may have been more widespread than the government has previously acknowledged, but we have been assured that only the really bad Afghanis - we mean the true scumbags - were affected, so there's no need to inquire any further.
Umm, yeah, okay, so innocent Afghan civilians may have been mistreated by CSIS agents during interrogations, but there is no need to hold a public inquiry because...because...would you believe that that's the price you have to pay for protecting democracy?
Yeah, we'd like to hold a public inquiry into the mistreatment of innocent Afghan prisoners by CSIS agents, really, we would, but we're going to call an election instead. Hey! - aren't you scared sheetless about all of these terrorists illegally trying to enter the country? No? Well, let us explain why you should be...
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=699&dir=bb]
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