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Enjoy,It's Not Hypocrisy If There Is Money To Be Made
New York Republican gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino recently discussed the "abomination" of homosexuality in front of an audience of Hasidic Jews. But, the joke was on him: the Hasids are not the Jews who control the media!
Seriously, this man has all of the political acumen of a sack of hammers, and no sack of hammers has won public office in America since 1837. The fact that he would probably take the comparison to a sack of hammers as a compliment - they're an honest, workingman's tools, after all - tells you all you need to know about him.
You might have thought he wouldn't have been so public about his disgust with the bumping and grinding of gay men given that he was once the landlord for two gay clubs in Buffalo. But, not Carl. Expect his campaign any day now to say that he can judge homosexual behaviour because he has - ahem - first-hand experience!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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INT. PMO - DAY
PRIME MINISTER STEPHEN HARPER is angrily pacing in front of his desk while PRIME MINISTER STEPHEN HARPER sits calmly behind his desk.
HARPER: We didn't get the seat on the United Nations Security Council! Why didn't we get the seat on the United Nations Security Council?
PRIME MINISTER: Because you decided to tilt our foreign policy away from being an "honest broker" in the Middle East and towards unthinking support for the state of Israel? That angered a lot of Arab nations.
HARPER: Nah - too easy.
PRIME MINISTER: Because your support for better health care for women around the world was contingent on abortion being off the table? That angered a lot of African nations.
HARPER: Nah - too facile.
PRIME MINISTER: Because you ran away from Canadian pledges to protect the environment? I can't begin to tell you how many countries you angered with that move!
HARPER: Nah - too simplistic. (snaps fingers) I know! It was all Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff's fault!
PRIME MINISTER: (sighs) Of course it was.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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"Inertial Blatzenberg Stabilizer Forward Onward Upward To Muscular Battery Operated Advanced Toenails."
Republican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney has written (in the broadest sense of the term) a book made up entirely of random words put into sentences of arbitrary length. "Abernathy jackal finagled haberdashery Mormon Mormon Mormon fine liminal liniment quarto recto knife blossoms," one excerpt reads.
So, why is this book on the New York Times bestseller list?
Apparently, every time Romney speaks at an institution, it has to buy $25,000 to $50,000 worth of his books. "We were happy to have the books for the library," said Yvolva de Bilbus, Dean of Arts at the University of Wallamalloo, Michigan. "It's been listing terribly since the mud slide of '08, and we could use them to shore up the foundation!"
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2010Oct13.html]
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How Many Qualifiers Might You, Can You, Possibly Will You Put In One Sentence?
According to CSIS Director Richard Fadden, unnamed cabinet ministers in unidentified provinces may have been, could have been, possibly were vulnerable to inappropriate influence by foreign governments. The allegation has since been disproven.
Fadden may have been, could have been, possibly was a jackass to tar entire provincial legislatures with his unsubstantiated allegations. Fadden may be, could be, possibly will be out of a job very soon.
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2010/10/12/509787.html]
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Naah! Naah! My God's Dad Could Beat Up Your God's Dad!
Just in Time For the Fall Season
With their funny accents and those ugly scarabs,SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/547.html]
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Oh, So That's What We Were Afraid Of
Former British MP George Galloway was allowed to speak in Toronto after a court ruled that his being barred from Canada by the Harper government had nothing to do with national security, that it was politically motivated.
Before his speech was over, 17 sites throughout the country were bombed, including the Parliament building in Ottawa, Toronto's Queen's Park and, for some obscure reason, Sudbury's Big Nickel. Masked gunmen took over CBC Newsworld, CTV and The Space Channel, repeatedly telling people not to panic, that it was just a terrorist revolution, and that, for most Canadians, life would not change.
"Yeah, yeah, who looks stupid now?" Immigration Minister Jason Kenney, standing on the rubble of Parliament Hill, sobbed. "Who looks like an idiot now?
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2005/01/22/509727.html]
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