Thank you, Harumafuji, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, actress Lydia Hearst Shaw distanced herself from Dogs in Pocketbooks, a film supposedly based on the life of Lindsay Lohan.
Enjoy,I Hope You'll Keep That In Mind When You Read This, Andy
Andy Sullivan, founder of the Hard Hat Pledge - under which construction workers vow not to work on Park51 - has urged his followers to boycott Justin Bieber, whom, he claims, made remarks in Tiger Beat magazine supportive of the Muslim community centre two blocks from Ground Zero in New York. As it happens, the Canadian musical sensation did not make the statement attributed to him - it was, in fact, satirical - but this has not led Sullivan to back down.
"If you cannot control the words that satirists put in your mouth," Sullivan had words put in his mouth by a satirist, "then you do not deserve the support of the American people. I mean, Bieber, he's - what? - 15 years old? I remember when I was 15 - man, I couldn't be trusted the moment I stepped out of the house. And, Canadian? I remember when I was Canadian! Man, I couldn't be let out of the country!
"So, no. Justin Bieber doesn't deserve any slack just because he didn't say the things we're boycotting him for!"
Justin Bieber was unavailable for comment, although that wouldn't necessarily stop us from quoting him if we wanted to. We're just sayin'.
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2010/12/25/bieberfieber101225]
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In Vices, As In International Relations, Priorities Are Everything
I just heard an ad for a programme called Driven To Quit. If you quit smoking, you could win a new car!
The problem is that I don't smoke. Is it too late to start smoking so that I can quit to enter the contest?
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1010932614]
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In International Relations, As In Approaching People In Bars, Timing Is Everything
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1306223968]
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If Their Parents Don't Wash Their Mouths Out With Soap And Water, We're Sure The Israeli Army Will Be Happy To Oblige...
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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It's Good Not To Be The King
Even Republicans have to settle.
YOU WANT: permanent tax cuts for the wealthy. YOU'LL SETTLE FOR: permanent tax cuts for the wealthy. YOU'LL GET: a two year extension of tax cuts for the wealthy.
YOU WANT: an end to abortion. YOU'LL SETTLE FOR: making it impossible to get an abortion without actually banning it. YOU'LL GET: making it impossible to get an abortion without actually banning it accompanied by tepid promises about an end to abortion.
YOU WANT: an end to unemployment benefits for people out of work. YOU'LL SETTLE FOR: an end to unemployment benefits for people out of work. YOU'LL GET: a one year extension of unemployment benefits for people out of work.
YOU WANT: to kill Wall Street reform. YOU'LL SETTLE FOR: killing Wall Street reform. YOU'LL GET: a watered down Wall Street reform bill.
YOU WANT: to increase military spending without having to vote for the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. YOU'LL SETTLE FOR: increasing military spending without having to vote for the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. YOU'LL GET: increased military spending without having to vote for the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell (which is hived off the military appropriations bill for a separate vote).
YOU WANT: control of both houses of Congress and the White House. YOU'LL SETTLE FOR: control of both houses of Congress. YOU'LL GET: control of the House of Representatives. This time...
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Fight Racism With...More Racism! Yay!
In December, some 50 Israeli rabbis issued a "decree," which was soon endorsed by an additional 250 Israeli rabbis, forbidding their Jewish fellow citizens from "renting or selling homes or land to Arabs and other non-Jews." Critics of the edict have suggested that it is no different from historical covenants that were used to deny housing to Jews.
"Covenant shmovenant!" responded Rabbi Mordechai Nagari. "We have a covenant with god! Top that, mister smarty-pants property attorney!"
SOURCE: The Arad Post
[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1198847566425]
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And, Yet, Somehow I Don't Think Rudyard Griffiths Would Approve
When you think about it, the United States absorbing Canada would have at least one advantage: Canadians' knowledge of their country's history would shoot up dramatically.
SOURCE: Canada: Still A Country?
[http://www.irritationnation.ca/whattolookat.asp?ID=278476575-9/]
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Give Us What We Want Or We Shoot The Economic Puppy
INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY
PRESIDENT OBAMA is meeting with JOHN BOEHNER. To Boehner's right and slightly behind him, MICHELE BACHMANN sits, clutching her purse with a fierceness it really doesn't warrant. Her eyes dart this way and that, taking the scene in.
OBAMA: John, you know we have to raise the debt ceiling. If we don't borrow more money, we won't be able to afford our debt payments, and if we default on our debt payments, not only could our economy collapse, but we could take the entire world economy with us.
BOEHNER: I understand, Mister President.
OBAMA: So, you'll get the House to vote to raise the debt ceiling?
BOEHNER: I would be happy to...only...
OBAMA: Yes?
Boehner turns towards Bachmann.
BOEHNER: Michele? Raise the debt ceiling.
BACHMANN: (snarling) Rowr! Grrrrrr! Debt ceiling! Rowf! Rowf! Rowf!
Boehner turns back to Obama.
BOEHNER: I'm sorry, sir, but my hands are tied by my caucus.
OBAMA: Jesus, John! You know what the stakes are here! If we don't raise the debt ceiling, we -
BACHMANN: (foaming at the mouth) Grrrrrrrrrrr! Grrrrrrrrr! Awoooooo! Rowf! Rowf!
BOEHNER: Maybe if we called it RDC...
OBAMA: Okay. You know what the consequences of not...not RDCing would be. Can't you talk some sense into your caucus?
BOEHNER: With all due respect, sir, you've seen what they're like. And, Michele is one of the more reasonable ones. But, perhaps she would be more cooperative if you would throw her a bone...
OBAMA: A bone.
BOEHNER: Something she could chew on while we're RDCing.
OBAMA: What did you have in mind?
BOEHNER: Oh, I don't know. How about...Social Security?
Bachmann jumps off her chair and, yapping happily, runs circles around Boehner's chair on all fours.
OBAMA: (sighs) Why do I even ask?
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227459]
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