Thank you, Migliorisi Tress, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we received a tweet from the Pope. Yes, that Pope. The Catholic one. "Yo, bitches," the Pope's tweet read, "Benedictus is in the hizzle! Praise b 2 Jesus!" Uhh, right. Either somebody hacked the Pope's Twitter account before he even had a chance to tweet from it for the first time, or the Catholic Church might want to rethink it's youth outreach efforts!
Enjoy,Modern Dance Is A Socialist Conspiracy
The Canadian Broadcast Standards Council has received more than 4,350 complaints about an interview on the Sun News Network in which designated newsairhead Krista Erickson was repeatedly rude and aggressive to dancer Margie Gillis. Margie Gillis. Who is a dancer. Not a politician. Not even a celebrity. A dancer.
"I personally take exception to your assertion that society has become less compassionate," Erickson monologued at one point in the interview. "Our brave men and women are killing foreign bastards so that you are free to gyrate on stages across the country! I hope you're torn apart by rabid squirrels as a punishment for your lack of sensitivity towards the troops, you heartless bitch! That would serve you right for saying that Canadians are lacking in compassion!"
"Does this mean," Junkinou Peladeau, a minor functionary in Quebecor, responded to the complaints, "that Sun TV actually has over 4,000 viewers? Oh, uncle will be pleased!"
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now, Canada!
[http://www.canada.com/globulltv/globullshows/ern_canada.html]
more
Things Do Not Go Better With Koch
Several Republican Governors spent the weekend at an event hosted by the billionaire Koch brothers, but, when their attempts to avoid any disclosure of the event were foiled, they denied that it had anything to do with politics.
"It was a slumber party," said Texas Governor Rick Parry.
"It was a John Sayles movie marathon," said Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell.
"It was an orgy," said Florida Governor Rick Scott.
You know that what happened at a meeting must have been pretty bad if an elected official would rather have people believe that he had attended an orgy!
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2011/ALLPOLITICS/06/28/reps.main/index.html]
more
You Don't Know Just How Relative Truth Is Until You Open The Bag O' Crazy
How to Tell the Real Bag O' Crazy Occupants From the Wannabes
When caught in one foolish statement:
The true crazy will double down with an equally foolish statement:
* If you overlook the fact that most of the Founding Fathers owned slaves themselves, and that the Constitution they wrote didn't really deal with the issue. Only somebody who was a permanent resident of the Bag O' Crazy could believe this.
** Adams was a child when the Constitution was signed. He didn't actually become an anti-slavery crusader until much later. Oh, and, although he was many things in his life, a Founding Father of the United States wasn't one of them. You have to have breathed the putrefied air in the Bag O' Crazy to think that this vindicates your previous statement.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
more
As Long As It Feels Organic To The Growth Of The Show
CBS has announced that the character played by Charlie Sheen on the TV series Two and a Half Men will be killed off.
"I wanted him to die of something lingering and painful like testicular cancer," said creator of the show Chuck Lorre. "But, that would have meant keeping him around. I'm now leaning towards having him being mowed down in a hail of gunfire as he irrationally attacks the president with a meat cleaver, although I'm also considering having his car go up in a fireball after he drunkenly rams into a school bus full of orphans."
Lorre added that he "wish[ed] Charlie good luck for his future career."
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2011/2011/06/30/noanimositythere/]
more
Mayor Claims That Was His Plan All Along
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has decided not to meet with the Canadian Chamber of Commerce this Canada Day weekend. Despite the fact that previous Mayors had set the precedent for such meetings, Mayor Ford insisted that time with his family took precedence.
In response, the Chamber of Commerce has suggested that it would consider backing another candidate in the next municipal elections.
UPDATE: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has decided to meet with the Canadian Chamber of Commerce this Canada Day weekend. "I have 364 other days of the year to spend with my family," he stated.
SOURCE: The Matrixxx
[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/news/local/hes-no-harrison/]
more
How's That Rebranding Thing Working Out For Ya?
"If you do not fill out and submit a census form, you are a bad, bad Canadian. We will repeat this message every five minutes until you can recite it in your sleep; if it has the effect of making you think that we support the census even though we gutted it last year, even better. This has been a message from the Harper Government of Canada."
"We may not have the biggest military, but do you have any idea how many people die every year because of our asbestos exports? When it comes to exporting death, Canada reaps well above its weight! This has been a message from the Harper Government of Canada."
"Your children are on drugs and if you don't do anything about it, somebody will die a horrible death. This has been a message from the Harper Government of Canada."
How soon do you think it will it be before Canadians will have to wear American flags on their backpacks in order to travel abroad unmolested?
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1726901602]
more
It Would Certainly Speed Up The Process
The Standard Tracey Morgan Apology Form
I, Tracey Morgan, am sorry that I offended ____________________ (name of minority community) with a joke I made about ____________________ (member(s) of the minority community) at _____________________ (name of comedy club) on ________ (date). I have nothing against ____________________s (name of minority community); in fact, some of my best friends are ____________________s (name of minority community).
Sincerely,
_______________________________________
Tracey Morgan
INSTRUCTIONS:
1) Hand out before Tracey Morgan takes the stage at a comedy club; 2) let audience members fill in the blanks as they see fit, and; 3) if completed, ask Morgan to sign at the end of the performance.
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-47cahs01.html]
more
