1) How do you come up with new comics?
Simple, really. I get out my cauldron and jars of ingredients. Throw a couple of eyes of Newt (Gingrich has hundreds - he won't miss them) and warts of Coulter into the cauldron and bring to a slow boil. (The slower the boil, the more enjoyable the process is - it helps not to have a life.) When the mixture has the consistency of a thin paste, I throw it out because it is totally useless. Then, I sit down at my computer and make random shapes in Paint until something clicks.
2) How did you come up with Delicate Negotiations?
Oh, believe me when I say, it found me.
It followed me home one night and I asked my Web Goddess if I could keep it. At first, she was against the idea: she said I wouldn't take care of it properly, and then it would become her problem. But, I promised to update it regularly and whined until she finally relented. (Whining is the third most important tool in a writer's arsenal.) Feeding it Copy Chow and cleaning up after its messes - honestly, if I had known how much work it was - how needy the cartoon is - I never would have adopted it.
Yes. The part about the Copy Chow.
5) Although new articles are dated Sunday, you post them on Wednesday. Wouldn't it be easier just to date them Wednesday?
If I dated new material Wednesday, then I would have to post it on Sunday, and that would set the whole process back a full week. This may ultimately lead to nasty things happening to the space-time continuum, but that's not my immediate problem.
6) I've been reading Les Pages aux Folles for several years, now, and I haven't lost a pound. Isn't that false advertising?
If you read the fine print, you will find that Les Pages aux Folles is only guaranteed to help you lose weight in conjunction with plenty of exercise and a healthy diet. It's no more false advertising than the average Facebook profile.
7) How has working with a database, as opposed to flat HTML files, changed the Web site?
I no longer have to brush my teeth when I wake up.
8) What does that have to do with the Web site?
You'd be surprised how many people stopped reading it because of my mourning breath.
9) Do you mean "morning breath?"
Oh, you have no idea how bad it was.
10) I find this Frequently Unasked Questions file to be scattered. Disorganized. Without a central theme or through-line. Out of left field and -
Yeah, yeah! Do you have a question, or will you just go on until you exhaust your thesaurus?
Hey! - don't blame me. I'm just putting the words into your mouth!
12) Am I using my flange extender correctly?
Yes. And, I admire your willingness to admit that in public.
13) Did you just turn a technical question into something vaguely dirty?
Benny Hill taught me well.
14) Benny Hill...Benny Hill...wasn't he where the British suffered tremendous casualties while trying to take a rebel position during the Siege of Boston early in the American Revolutionary War?
You...get your knowledge of American history from Sarah Palin, don't you?
Exactly.
16) Isn't what you do just tearing down what other people do?
Just tearing down what other people do? Just tearing down what other people do? I'll have you know that tearing down what other people do is an arduous, time-consuming pursuit. I have to do hours of research to come up with a proper tearing down; I am not exaggerating when I say that tearing down what other people do is a full-time occupation. The reason the pursuit doesn't get the respect that it deserves is that most people who try tearing others down are really bad at it: their complaints are poorly thought through or badly presented. Instead of complaining, you should be grateful for the loving attention to detail and sheer panache that I bring to tearing down what other people do!
17) Did you just turn a criticism into a compliment?
Karl Rove taught me well.