What the Heck Do You Know?
About the Flotilla Guerrilla in the Room

Israel. Blockade. Death and destruction. Think you know what's been happening? Take this quiz to find out. Just remember: if your answer is anything other than "Israel is always right, so fuck off!" you're an anti-Semite. Even if you're Jewish. Especially if you're Jewish.

1) What is a flotilla? a) a delightful concoction made of ice cream and soda - you know, like a strawberry flotilla
b) a delicious Mexican dish
c) a group of ships at sea that aren't very tasty, even with Mexican tartar ice cream sauce on it

 2) Israel is alleged to have done something terrible to a flotilla. What have those Jewish scamps been accused of being up to now? a) forcing everybody on the ships to watch Sex and the City 2 until they broke into a rash
b) lobbying to have the Queers Against Israeli Apartheid float...illa banned from Toronto's Gay Pride Parade unless the group changes its name (and, hey! - you queers should be grateful: a social movement hasn't really arrived until it has been lobbied against by a Jewish group!)
c) well - tee hee - they may have - ha ha - raided the flotilla, guns blazing. Then - oh, and, this is the really funny part - they may have - hee hee - killed 9 people and injured a dozen more...mmm...maybe you had to be there...

 3) What? What did the people on flotilla do to deserve this? a) they dared to bring food, medical supplies and other humanitarian aid to people in Gaza - those evil bastards!
b) they boasted about how much they enjoyed Sex and the City 2 - those evil bastards!
c) they stepped on the Israeli soldiers' feet - those, umm, evil...bastards?

 4) When somebody steps on your foot, what is your best course of action? a) politely ask them not to do it again
b) curse at the top of your lungs and angrily ask them not to do it again
c) mow down the person who stepped on your foot - and anybody who happens to be in the vicinity - with automatic weapons fire

 5) Wait a minute! Humanitarian aid? Why does Gaza need humanitarian aid? a) you know, I could make another Sex and the City 2 reference here, but maybe it's time to stop eating (out on) that dead horse
b) Gaza democratically elected Hamas to form it's government; Israel showed its support for democracy by declaring war against Gaza, designating Hamas as a terrorist organization and creating a block aid of the area
c) we do not have to answer this question; it would provide context, and everybody knows that context is anti-Semitic!

 6) How is the Israeli blockade of Gaza legal? a) B'nai Brith says it is, so there's really nothing more to say on the subject
b) no, really, this question has been asked and answered - time to move on
c) ach - tsk - shhh - sh sh sh - B'nai Brith - move along, now, you wouldn't want to be accused of...context, would you?

 7) Since one of the ships in the flotilla was Turkish, and Turkey is a member of NATO, it could ask NATO to assist it in attacking Israel. You know, under the principle that if one NATO member is attacked, every member has a responsibility to help it defend itself. Not ringing any bells? It's the principle by which George W. Bush got NATO involved in invading Afghanistan. Oh, that principle! What are the odds that NATO will help Turkey defend its people against attack by the state of Israel? a) oh, hee hee, ha ha, hee hee, ha ha, hee hee, ha ha, hee hee, ha ha, hee hee
b) guffaw, guffaw, guffaw, guffaw, guffaw, guffaw, guffaw, guffaw, guffaw, guffaw, guffaw, guffaw - cough cough HACK HACK HACK - sorry about that - I nearly choked on my own spit!
c) you know the odds against a lasting peace being found in the Middle East before the sun goes nova? Half that and add 13

 8) What's up with Turkey? Weren't they supposed to be Israel's friend? a) well! Betty-Lou told Turkey that Israel was seen around town with Jenny James behind Turkey's back! Yeah, I know! So, Turkey started making eyes at Bob Beckley - Turkey isn't into Bob Beckley - eww! - just to make Israel jealous, but Israel didn't even notice! Well! That made Turkey really mad! So, it contributed a ship to the flotilla and let it sail from a Turkish port. Maybe that will make Israel think twice about going out with Jenny James!
b) there are no friends when over a million of your people are suffering brutal repression - surely, if anybody can understand that, it would be Israelis...
c) they didn't pinky swear, so....there....

 9) Israel claims that its attack on the flotilla was part of its long-standing policy of "proportional response." Which of the following quotes best describes the Israeli concept of proportional response? a) "What we have here is...failure to communicate."
b) "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse."
c) "He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way!"
d) "Luke, I am your father."
e) "Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?"
f) other



 10) Why has Israel returned most of the people on the flotilla ships to their countries of origin? a) they didn't come with sufficient postage
b) trials are such messy affairs, don't you think? I mean, once you put somebody on a witness stand, they could just say the most outrageous things, couldn't they? Maybe even the truth, and that would just complicate things...
c) they weren't exactly what was advertised on the Home Shopping Channel

 11) What was the Canadian government's reaction to the attack? a) "...did Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu have to be in Canada when this went down?" Is that a wistful look on Prime Minister Stephen Harper's face as he watches Netanyahu fly back to Israel, or is it just gas?
c) it let out a quiet gasp, then went back to what it was doing
b) it kept repeating, "They're our allies. They're the only democratic nation in the region. Remember the Holocaust. Smile. Smile. Smile, dammit!" to itself until it passed out from delirium

 12) What was the American government's reaction to the attack? a) "...better that Netanyahu was in Canada when this went down." Is that a wistful look on President Barack Obama's face, or is he just thinking of gasoline?
b) it idly wondered if it could get its deposit back on those fighter jets it was buying for Israel as a birthday present
c) it kept repeating, "They're our allies. They're the only democratic nation in the region. The Jewish lobby is going to clobber us in the next election if we don't support Israel's actions fully. Smile. Smile. Smile, dammit!" to itself until it couldn't see straight. Then, it went out to hold a press conference

 13) The Canadian B'nai Brith took out a full page ad in the National Post arguing that the Canadian government should designate International Humanitaire Hilfsorganization (IHH), the Turkish organization behind the flotilla, a terrorist organization. Surely, BB can do better: what other organizations should Canada put on its terrorist list? a) the International Olympic Committee (IOC), because it allows Turks, some of whom could very well belong to, support, sympathize with or have heard of the IHH, to compete
b) the Boy Scouts of America, because some cubs could have Turkish parents, and you never can be sure when any of their kind will end up on a flotilla in international waters
c) aww, let's not take any chances: every organization on the planet except B'nai Brith should be on a terrorist watch list

 14) The B'nai Brith advertisement says Israeli soldiers boarded flotilla ships with paintball guns. How did nine people die from soldiers with paintball guns? a) they died of laughter when they saw the Israeli soldiers' equipment
b) they died of laughter at the thought of advertisements that contained absurd descriptions of the Israeli soldiers' equipment
c) have you ever been hit by a paintball? Man, it kills for days! The welt just kills!

 15) The Israeli government has apologised after its press office emailed to journalists a spoof video about the flotilla which tried to dock in Gaza. The video shows people dressed as peace activists singing "we con the world" to the tune of "We Are the World." The video contains real footage of the deadly Israeli raid on the flotilla. Was this a sign of a heartless lack of empathy, a cruel sense of humour or just plain stupidity? a) a heartless lack of empathy
b) a cruel sense of humour
c) it can't be both?
d) just plain stupidity
e) it can't be all three?
f) other



 16) Match the headline with the newspaper it came from: a) "B.C. activist on ship stormed by Israelis"
b) "Gaza outrage boils on Bloor"
c) "GAZA Flotilla Drives Israel Into a Sea of Stupidity"

i) Now Magazine
ii) Haaretz
iii) Toronto Star

 17) Match the journalist with the quote: a) "Obama's got a health care logo that's right out of Adolf Hitler's playbook ... Adolf Hitler, like Barack Obama, also ruled by dictate."
b) "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them."
c) "Israeli Jews should get the hell out of Palestine and go home to Germany, Poland and the United States."
d) "Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization...And you must silence all dissenting voices. That's what Hitler did. That's what Al Gore, the U.N., and everybody on the global warming bandwagon [are doing]."

i) Glenn Beck
ii) Ann Coulter
iii) Helen Thomas
iv) Rush Limbaugh

17a) Which of the journalists quoted above was forced to resign because of the extremism of their remarks?

17b) Really? That's it?

18) Israel really is its own worst enemy, isn't it? a) yep
b) un hunh
c) oh, hellz, yes!

 19) Who is to blame? a) I blame secular humanists
b) I blame the nanny state
c) I blame the Internet
d) I blame the... other



e) I blame the Other

 20) What is to be done? a) we'll just have to roll up our sleeves, work harder, work smarter, give 110 per cent and otherwise dredge the bottom of the cliché barrel to come up with new ways of defending the indefensible
b) who do I look like? Lenin? (Mmm...maybe the 'stache isn't working...)
c) are you kidding? Don't you know that there is an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, G8 and G20 summits all over the place and the World Cup? You don't have to do anything! Wait a week, and everybody will have forgotten. Until the next Israeli criminal act...