Thank you, Zoma Quotedian, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, a pane of glass in a condo window shattered and fell to King and John. This was at least the fifth incident of spontaneous explosions of glass from condo windows since June. What a pane in the glass! Clearly, the city's population is showing some growing panes. But, hey, no pane, no gain, right? Too bad people with money get a place to live and the rest of us end up pane for it.
Okay, we're not 100% sure of that last one, but you get the idea.
Enjoy,CONFLICT OIL
Sudan's oil fields: indigenous peoples murdered
ETHICAL OIL
Canada's oil sands: citizens dying slow, painful deaths
ETHICAL OIL. A FALSE CHOICE WE'RE ASKING YOU TO MAKE.
CONFLICT OIL
Funds terrorism
ETHICAL OIL
Funds never-ending war
ETHICAL OIL. A FALSE CHOICE WE'RE ASKING YOU TO MAKE.
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1000952604]
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The Children Of Reagan, Like The Children Of The Corn, Should Be Seen And Not Heard From...And, Maybe Not Even Seen
Some Tea Party Republicans reflect on their role in government:
Michele Bachmann: I'm a dog chasing cars...I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it.
Paul Ryan: Their morals, their code...it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. You'll see - I'll show you...when the chips are down, these civilized people...they'll eat each other.
Jim DeMint: The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules.
Joe Barton: I just do things. I'm just the wrench in the gears. I hate plans.
Steve King: Introduce a little anarchy, you upset the established order and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=730&dir=bb]
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If You're No Longer Publishing, How Can You Even Ask The Question?
We no longer publish. Why are you still quoting us?
SOURCE: Aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
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Bet He Gets Laureen To Gut It For Him
To humanize himself, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has posted photos of his adorable new kitten, Stanley, on Google+. This time, Harper is not in any of the pictures himself, so there can be no question that he wants to eat the...wait a minute. What is that cat playing with? They say it's string, but it looks too thick to be string. It looks more like...fishing line. But, if that's the case, then - OH MY GOD, STEPHEN HARPER IS FISHING FOR KITTENS!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Civic Politics As Dada Provocation
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Set Sarcasm To Kill
INT. STUDIO - DAY
TUDOR: As you may know, we have run afoul of British censors, who banned a segment of the show to air in England because of a law that says that you are not allowed to use clips of Parliament in a satirical way. I could apply the usual sharp wit and clever analysis to this situation, but I thought I'd let our fans take this one...
EXT. FOX HUNTING EXPEDITION IN A FIELD - DAY
PRINCE PHILLIP: We...
EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF URBAN HIGHRISE - DAY
PRINCE CHARLES: Are not...
EXT. BUCKINGHAM PALACE - DAY
QUEEN ELIZABETH: Amused.
INT. STUDIO - DAY
TUDOR: Couldn't have said it better myself.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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Toronto took first blood in the Doomed Infrastructure Finals when a piece of the Gardiner Expressway fell out of the sky. This was the only point scored for a couple of months, and it appeared as though it would be decisive.
However, Montreal has roared back with a brilliant partial tunnel collapse that slammed into a major expressway. With the match now tied at one, it's any city's game!
SOURCE: The Matrixxx
[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/life/advice/how-to-hook-up-and-be-awesome/]
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Bet You Can Guess How The Credit And Blame Will Be Shared
Bi-partisan compromise: radical right wing policies enacted by Democratic Presidents and houses of Congress.
SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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What Makes You Think You'll Be Around After The Next Election?
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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If I Had A Nycole For Every Time I Joined A Club...
Nycole Turmel, interim leader of the NDP now that Jack Layton has temporarily stepped down to deal with his cancer, was a Mouseketeer for three years. As so many editorial writers across the country have asked, will her former membership in the Mickey Mouse Club affect her performance as the leader of the opposition?
"I am a fully committed seriousist," Turmel responded. "Besides, I was seven years old. People do crazy things when they're seven."
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2011/08/02/418727.html]
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Experience Is No Longer Confined To Looking For Love In Public Washrooms
Experience is the best teacher.
I used to think that airport security was ridiculous, and made fun of it every chance I got. Then, in the middle of a pat down at an airport that shall remain unnamed, I realized that I hadn't gotten that much action in years. I thought I should offer to take the guy who was patting me down out to dinner. It was the least I could do - I didn't want him to feel cheap. Sadly, society doesn't understand relationships like ours, and I didn't want to cause him any trouble, so I said nothing.
But, next time I fly, I'm bringing roses. Just in case.
SOURCE: Yellow Triangle Blues
[http://ytb.gay/July_2011/security.htm]
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Barack Obama used multiple pens Tuesday to sign the bill raising the debt ceiling. The pens used to sign historic legislation are traditionally given to key proponents as thank you gifts.
The day after the signing, these pens were found in the White House trash.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2011Aug03.html]
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