The Daily Me - Maria Madelene Pretorious

Thank you, Maria Madelene Pretorious, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, in a post last week we mentioned that Johanna Skibsrud could rub our skibs any time. Apparently, this was offensive to many of our readers - who knew that a literary fiction author could accumulate so many Internet trolls as fans? We certainly didn't. Obviously. We would apologize, but we're still busy trying to get images of Joanna Lumley, a power mower and 12 mechanical fish singing "Take Me to the River" out of our heads. Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

If They Tried This With Iran, The New York Times Puzzle Page Would Go Black!

To protest Bashir al-Assad's brutalization of his own people, the Arab league has called upon crossword puzzle makers the world over not to use the word "Syria" in their creations. "We will hit Assad where it hurts," Arab League Deputy Secretary General Ahmed Ben Heli boldly stated. "On the diversions pages of international newspapers!"

"That...that's not right," said renegade enigmatologist Flerb Fluffkin. "It makes it harder to create puzzles when you arbitrarily limit how many five letter words you can use that contain three vowels - especially with a 'y' in the middle!"

"Is the West serious about helping to stop the slaughter, or was that just empty rhetoric?" Heli countered. Then, he took a two week lunch break.

SOURCE: The Baghdad Post

[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2012Jan27.html]
more

Money May Make The World Go Around, But Oil Is The Lubricant

The I'm Okay Flap, Jack

Climbing rates of cancer in Alberta
Are not cause for concern in Ottawa.
They result, at best, in a minor brouhaha
(As Canada grows into an environmental pariah).

Money helps to wish difficult problems away –
We've got oil, so we'll be okay.

It's hard to arouse the masses
To protest the creation of greenhouse gasses.
Public outrage develops slow as molasses,
While deadline after deadline to slow the calamity passes.

It's what people want, relevant governments say.
In any case, we've got oil, so we'll be okay.

What pipelines do to wilderness, pristine
Is quite obscene.
It's like a horror movie scene
With the car standing in for the alien queen.

Honestly, who needs deer, elk or bears anyway?
We've got oil, so we'll be okay.

And, what will happen to us when the oil runs out?
Which it will eventually, no doubt.
What will happen to Canada's international clout
When we have stopped being the world's Boy Scout?

But, that's a problem for another day.
For now, we've got oil, so we're okay.

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/596.html]
more

Star Trek Lives In The Hearts Of Fans (And Viscera Of Their Enemies)

So, I went to the annual feast of the Klingon Assault Group (KAG), a science fiction fan group. They kindly modified the food so that it would be edible by humans (well, most of it, in any case), a touch which I must admit that I appreciated.

Fortunately, violence was not a part of the festivities (perhaps they hadn't heard that Canada is now a military nation). One of KAG's members translated a Klingon poem into English, which gave us useful insights into Klingon culture. The evening ended with a trivia contest which included questions about Klingons, Startfleet, Stargate and a couple of other groups. Of the 30 questions asked, I managed not to get a single one right (and three or four of them were true or false!).

A good time was had by all.

I can't help but wonder, though: what does it say about human beings that the brutal warrior race of Klingons is so attractive to many of us, but the rational race of Vulcans isn't nearly so popular?


This is Krikor, one of the main organizers of the Klingon Assault Group Feast. That is not a scalp on the table in front of him. At least, I hope it's not...


Do you want to be the one to tell Chill that what's on his plate is not on his diet? Good luck with that! (A couple of his weapons, which were quite sharp, were labelled "Made in China." I can only assume that China is a colony planet of the Klingon Empire.)


We were told that a stew had been made from meat off of the skeleton, and that we could request a taste in the kitchen if we were brave enough. I was not brave enough, and I am secure enough in my human beingness to admit that.


First, Arisia, then the KAG Feast - it's like the science fiction community wants my arteries to harden! (Still - don't stop.)


The Klingon Assault Group shares a light moment. And, who are we to begrudge them? This formidable fighting force is only allowed one moment of levity every 12 years!

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
more

Really? That's Like Starting A War On Drying Paint!

In response to Prime Minister Harper's musings in Davos about fundamental changes to the Old Age Security Programme, he Canadian Institute of Actuaries pointed out that the pension bill will only grow by about 5.6 per cent a year until 2030 and that, in any case, when baby boomers start dying off around 2020, spending on the elderly will begin to decelerate on its own.

In response to the response, the Harper Government of Canada has declared the Canadian Institute of Actuaries to be a terrorist organization, asked the RCMP to issue arrest warrants for its leaders and warned Canadians that support for the organization could result in a prison term and a fine.

"But," complained Joe Everyman of Anytown, Canada, "how will I be able to get car insurance?"

SOURCE: The Irrational

[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2012/01/29/the descentofdissent120129]
more

We Would Blush (If We Had Any Shame)

How is Canadian Jewish leadership doing?

"Canada's Jewish leaders are magnificent! Passionate! Articulate! Other things that end with 'ate!'" Canadian Jews are well served by their leadership!" - Frank Dimant, CEO, B'Nai Brith Canada

 "The State of Israel doesn't have stauncher foreign supporters than Canada's Jewish leaders, which is exactly how it should be. And, when I talk about the State of Israel, I really mean the right wing Netanyahu government. But, let's not quibble - it's all good!" - Mordechai Ben-Dat, editor, Canadian Jewish News

 "We rock!" - Shimon Fogel, CEO, The Centre for Israel and Jewish Affairs

SOURCE: The Non-existent Pages

[http://www.utopia.tv/erewhon/index.html]
more