Thank you, Timur Berkmambetov, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we reported that the Supreme Court had decided that the part of the Affordable Care Act which forced every American to buy a manatee was not Constitutional. This was wrong, of course; the manatee mandate was upheld by the ruling. Apparently, the majority considered it an "aquatic tax." Who knew? In our defense, if you had only read the first three words of Chief Justice Roberts' opinion, you would have come to the same conclusion.
Enjoy,A Texas State Of Fined
Houston lawyers will help to pay for rape kits now that City Council has passed a law imposing a $50 tax per client.
"Research suggests that some law clerks and interns have experienced sexual violence at work," argued Councilor Ellen Cohen, who pushed what has come to be known as the poleax tax. "Potential victimization is a concern for women in this profession."
"This is outrageous!" exclaimed lawyer Matt Mordu. "The evidence that lawyers extort sexual favours more than people in other professions is entirely anecdotal. And, prejudicial. I object! The only reason Council feels it can get away with this is that the public has such contempt for lawye...uhh, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that...I OBJECT!"
While the tax is challenged in the courts, 6,000 rape kits continue to sit in laboratory refrigerators waiting to be analyzed for forensic evidence.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/houston/2012-07-01-poleax-the-tax_x.htm]
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It's That "Wide Stance" Hypocrisy That They've Got Going On
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Because The Canadian Government Recognizes The "Good Terrorists"
In announcing Canada's commitment of $8 million to a global anti-terrorism fund, Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird also complained that news outlets did not use the word "terrorism" often enough to describe violent acts. "Far too often," he stated, "the international news media refuse to use the word 'terrorist' in the naïve and mistaken belief that to report violence as a terrorist act is to cast judgment on the perpetrators' cause."
Words and phrases that Baird would also like to see used more often in international journalism include: "Commie bastards;" "violent bastard criminals;" "Islamo-fascist bastards;" "environmental terrorist bastards;" "Liberal obstructionist bastards;" "bastard Thomas Mulcair," "violent environmental terrorist bastard criminals, and, inexplicably; "orotund."
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20120102.eladvote0102_@/BNStory/newsOops2012/]
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Six People You Should Not Divulge Details About Your Sex Life To
1. your aunt Gertie (did you learn nothing from the Guacamole Incident? Nothing at all?)SOURCE: The Web Page of Lists
[http://www.ListsPage.argh/2012/July/Common_Sense_Really.asp]
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I Never Promised You A Rose Gardiner
Toronto City Council is considering what action to take after another piece fell out of the Gardiner Expressway, hitting a BMW. They could fix the problem, but then all they would have would be a functioning highway.
If they were smart, City Council would make the Gardiner a toll road and advertise it to Americans with the line: "Are you tough enough to play Gardiner Roulette?" Seriously, it could bring in more tourist dollars than Canada's Wonderland!
SOURCE: The Matrixxx
[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/news/city/street-roller-coaster/]
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In Addition To Being Close Personal Friends
Democratic Texas Congressman Al Green (not the singer) says he wouldn't mind Republican Representative Peter King (not royalty) repeatedly calling hearings on "radical Islam" if he would also conduct a "hearing on the radicalization of Christians."
In response, Representative King said he "would absolutely, definitely not call a hearing to investigate radical Christians" because, "they are some of our party's most loyal supporters."
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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This Is The Canada That Immigrants Should Be Encouraged To Emulate!
Happy birthday, Canada! To celebrate, I'm drinking too much beer and throwing up barbecued ribs on my neighbour's front lawn! Then, later, I'll burn my fingers lighting a firework, drink more beer to numb the pain, piss on my other neighbour's Shih Tzu and pass out in the park.
It's tough, but somebody has to maintain this nation's traditions!
SOURCE: Martini's Up Canada! Blog
[http:martini.upcanada.blogspeck.com]
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Privilege Has Its Rankness
Florida Senator Marco Rubio believes that the Republican Party has swung too far to the right. He would have accepted the Democratic offer to enact a law that would allow any family making less than $100,000 a year to sell their children to those making over one million dollars a year, but Republican leadership insisted that the family cutoff be $50,000 a year.
Good to see the Republican Party still has some moderates.
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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Are Any Of Those Phrases John Baird Approved?
Wayne Moriarty, Editor-in-Chief of the Vancouver Province, has denied that it pulled a cartoon off of its Web site that satirized an Enbridge ad for the Northern Gateway pipeline because the company threatened to pull its advertising from the newspaper.
"Threaten is such a harsh word, don't you think?" Moriarty explained. "I would say that they...they made a polite proposition. A courteous proposal. A civil suggestion. Then, they made with the puppy dog eyes and, honestly, how could anybody with a heart refuse the request of a transnational energy corporation that was making puppy dog eyes at them?"
SOURCE: Vancouver Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/VancouverStunned/News/2012/06/28/509727.html]
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Fat, Drunk And Stupid Is No Way To Get Ahead In The Information Economy, Son, Even If Encouraging It Appears To Be A Way To Get Elected To Public Office
In their 2012 Platform, Texas Republicans oppose the teaching of "higher order thinking skills" (sometimes called "critical thinking"), arguing that it might challenge "student's fixed beliefs" and undermine "parental authority."
Over a billion Chinese citizens laughed their asses off when they heard this. Then, they went back to work.
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2012/STATEPOLITICS/06/28/reps.main/index.html]
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