Thank you, "Crash" Chumley, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, video of Michigan Republican Councilman Paul Smith carrying a sign of President Obama's bodiless head on a spike with slogans like "shit on a stick" and "He changed American into Uganda" popped up on the Internet. Tea Party members argued that he was a liberal plant designed to make them look bad at their rally. Okay. We can buy that. A liberal Republican plant - left-wing bastards can be sneaky that way. But, if we're going to be fair, shouldn't we assume that all of the people at the event who patted Smith on the back, laughed and told him how awesome his sign was or simply didn't demand that he take it down or leave were also plants designed to make the Tea Party look bad?
You could start a forest with that many plants!
Enjoy,Believe Me When I Say That I'm Not Interested In The Contents Of Kevin Yoder's Briefs!
Republican Congressman Kevin Yoder briefly skinny-dipped in the Sea of Galilee while on a fact-finding mission in Israel. He did this despite the fact that it is a holy site for Christians and, in any case, public nudity is against Israeli law.
The British royal family has issued a press release taking full responsibility for Representative Yoder's bad behaviour, and promising that it will review all of its security procedures and protocols to ensure that such an incident does not happen again. Nobody is really sure why.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=G5AR23YWOLFEPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUhReDR/s119/Os/24/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=78789]
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It's The One Church That's Pretty Darned Okay With The Moneylenders
Mitt Romney is now saying that he should not be forced to release his tax returns because it would violate his religious freedom. But, seriously, by now, who doesn't know that Romney is a devout Mammon?
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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When The Elephant Turns Over, The Mouse Has To Deal With The Nuclear Fallout
On a tour of the Arctic, Prime Minister Stephen Harper attended military exercises intended to show how prepared Canada is to defend its claim to territory in the far north. Unfortunately, five minutes into the exercise, an American nuclear bomb was dropped on the viewers' stand, wiping out everything within a five metre radius.
"I'm really sorry about that," President Barack Obama said. "We were testing some new equipment we hope to use to defend our claim to territory in the far north and, well, it just got away from us. It happens. Still, nice to see Canada's transition to a militarized nation is going well - keep up the good work!"
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=2te0lome-r6e6-4c18-en9t-07r657al12ec]
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Pat Robertson Was Just One Man, And Yet...
"Okay, look, I, let's be clear, here, I didn't, I did not say that Obama controlled the weather. That would be crazy. He's just one man. I said, I said, what I said was that Obama was using the weather service to control the weather. Completely different. I mean, how else can you explain the fact that Hurricane Isaac is coming to Florida at exactly the same time as the Republican nominating convention will be there? I mean, it's not like Florida gets a lot of hurricanes, am I right? Of course I'm right. I'm always right.
"Let me explain why apologizing for a remark that some liberal fascist doesn't like does not mean that you - meaning me - are wrong..."
SOURCE: Rush Limburger Home Page
[http://www.rushlimburger.com/home/daily/site_062904/content/truth_distorter.hostile_enemy.html]
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Head For The Hills!
Still think there's no difference between Democrats and Republicans? How about this? When Democrats are faced with the reelection of a President they do not like, they threaten to move to Canada, which would mostly cause problems for themselves. When Republicans are faced with the reelection of a President they do not like, they imagine scenarios that would involve burning the country to the ground, which would be a major problem for the world.
I know what you're thinking: Isn't talk of Liberals facilitating a UN takeover of the United States sooooooo 1980s? Focus, people, focus! You don't get into the Bag of Crazy by being nostalgic for the rhetoric of the Cold War. Well, not entirely. So, now you're thinking: What should I be thinking? Nobody told me there was going to be a test! If I had known that there was going to be a test, I would have worn clean underwear!
Okay, clearly you need help. With this - you're on your own about the underwear. You should probably be thinking something like: Isn't what he said kind of like...well, treason? Not to worry: Tom Head is a Texas Judge, so if anybody would know what is and isn't acceptable to say within the law, it's him.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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That's One Small Step For...Meme...
Astronaut Neil Armstrong has died at the age of 82. He will always be remembered as the first human being who was misquoted from another celestial body.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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David Duke, Stand-up Comedian
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Not So Funny Money
How has the Twitverse responded to the Bank of Canada issuing a $100 bill that seems to feature an Asian woman on one side?
"That yellow bitch doesn't represent Canada! Well, she doesn't represent me!"
"Pfeh! I wouldn't give 50 cents for the new $100 bill!"
"What have Asians ever done for Canada? Except help build the railroads, of course. And they do well in our schools. And they contribute to t"
"Some of my best friends are Chinks. That's why I'm not being a racist when I say that the new $100 bill is wrong wrong wrong!"
"Sounds good. I've got fifty cents, moron - where's my hundred dollars?"
"I'm turned on by Asian babes. Really. Turned. On. I don't want this change in our money to affect meeting the payroll for my business!"
Pretty well, all things considered.
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/we-will-bill-you-later/]
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