The Daily Me - Carrie Aoki

Thank you, Carrie Aoki, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, is it just us, or does the new Muse single sound like a mellotron farting?

Our Black Female Secretary Of State Named Rice Is Smarter Than Your Black Female Secretary Of State Named Rice - Nyah Nyah!

Republican John McCain has accused UN Ambassador Susan Rice of "not being very bright," and says that he will oppose any attempt to nominate her as Secretary of State. As practical politics, the move isn't very bright, since Rice has actually been a very good ambassador. Why go there, then? McCain's trashing of Rice is actually a response to allegations that the woman he picked for Vice President when he ran for President - Sarah Palin - wasn't very smart. "Oh, yeah, well...well...well...well..." he started saying after his election loss. It just took him four years to finish his taunt.

SOURCE: The Podunk Mash & Enquirer

[http://www.podunkmash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49782-2009Nov12.html]
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One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other Ones...

SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines

[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=4986533256]
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None So Big, However, As The Gift Romney's Candidacy Gave To The Democrats

Wow. Put a top hat and monocle on him and Mitt Romney could shill for the board game Monopoly. Tactlessly and strained through the special green-coloured glasses that seem to be all the rage among the wealthy these days, but still.

Funny how Romney's pet spending projects - such as two trillion additional dollars for the military - are not "gifts." Corporations may be people, my friend, but, apparently, giving them government welfare doesn't create a culture of dependency among them.

You would have thought that, after the release of his 47% comments, Romney would have been a bit more circumspect about what he said in public. You would have thought that, after he had expended so much energy apologizing for the 47% comments, Romney would have worked harder at hiding his contempt for his fellow citizens. Clearly, you do not live in the Crate of Cluelessness.

SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism

[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Torontosaurus Rex Waits For The Comet

A large pane of glass fell from the 34th floor of the Trump Tower on Bay Street.

"Waddya complaining about?" Donald Trump, perhaps a touch defensively, stated. "Isn't that the way they make buildings in Torannah?"

SOURCE: The Matrixxx

[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/news/city/my-profit-trumps-your-safety/]
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Two Parties Separated By A Common Language

Compromise (traditional understanding): A settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions.

Compromise (Republican understanding): A settlement of differences in which you give in to all of our demands, and, in our gratitude, we attack you for not quickly enough giving us what we didn't even ask for.

SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page

[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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I'm Laughing So Hard, There Are Tears In My Eyes

SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site

[http://endingtrending.blurgh/can-we-please-get-israel-here-people/]
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The Harper Government of Canada has asked a court to dismiss charges against it that it used robo-calls to mislead voters. Lawyers for the government argued that no credible witness had come forward to show that they were fooled by the calls.

Of course they didn't! Potential witnesses had received phone calls telling them that the date of the trial had been changed, and they showed up at the wrong time!

SOURCE: Toronto Startle

[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=
2088591831815&call_pageid=668335278493&col=424666972730]
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Urban Drone Defence For The Birds

Solutions to technological problems often create their own problems. Urban drones over America are a case in point. A deadly point. With laser guidance systems and advanced weaponry.

Because their laser guidance systems could not recognize the glass out of which they were made, drones had the nasty habit of flying through the windows of high rise buildings and into people's condos. "I didn't know what the etiquette was," stated bikini repairman Anatole Schrenk. "So, I offered it some cranberry sauce. The drone shot up my family, killing my wife, two daughters and both sets of grandparents. The carnage was totally unnecessary - I would have taken no for an answer. I have never forced cranberries on anyone - flesh and blood or metal automaton - in my life!"

To avoid such tragedies in the future, the Pentagon recommended that buildings with more than four floors put stickers of drones in their windows. The theory was that the drones would read the stickers in an environmental scan and avoid the windows. The reality was, of course, that the drones' AI viewed the stickers as enemy craft and strafed the windows, killing thousands of Thanksgiving revelers across the country and wounding tens of thousands more.

"We haven't lost any drones to turkey overdose and NFL games since the onset of the sticker initiative," stated Air Force Colonel Curtis Lemayhem, "so we consider it a success!"

SOURCE: Caffeinated

[http://www.caffeinated.com/caffeinatedscience/2012/11/drone-alone/]
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Why do rich people whine about how bad they have it? Their share of the national wealth has been increasing for decades - to the detriment of just about everybody else. The stock market - which, let us not forget, members of the one per cent nearly destroyed - is doing well. And, if people ever dare ask them to do more for the country - like pay more realistic tax rates - they have enough friends in government to ensure that it doesn't happen. With the possible exception of the Gilded Age, things have never been better for the plutocrat class. What could they possibly have to whine about?

We drilled deep down into a certain one per center's brain to find the answer to this mystery. This is what we found:

PAYDIRT!

SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page

[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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