Curtain up on a dimly lit hallway in the White House. BRAD, a tall guy who wears glasses, and is pretty handsome for a nerd, and JANET, who is tall and also pretty attractive, if shrill, enter, lost. They look around them, confused, clinging to each other.
GRAD: (wimpy) Well, I don't know where we are...
JANET: I told you we shouldn't have left the tour!
BRAD: But, Janet, I had to go to the bathroom. Really, I did...
JANET: (angry) So, now what are we going to do?
BRAD: (miserable) I don't know...
CARETAKER appears, seemingly out of nowhere, startling Brad and Janet.
CARETAKER: (mysteriously) Might I be...of assistance?
BRAD: (relieved) Yes. Thank you. I'm Brad and this is Janet...
JANET: (offering her hand) Hello...
Caretaker ignores her.
BRAD: We seem to be lost...
SECRETARY, dressed seductively, appears in much the same way Caretaker did.
SECRETARY: (unidentifiable east European accent) Are you sure they're not spies?
JANET: Who are you?
SECRETARY: exchanging meaningful glance with Caretaker) I...work here... (Secretary and Caretaker laugh)
BRAD: If you could tell us how to get out of here...
CARETAKER: Perhaps...you belong here...?
BRAD: Oh, no...
JANET: We're just tourists. We got lost and... (giggles nervously) ...we'd really like to go home, now.
SECRETARY: Do you know what time it is?
BRAD: Umm, hold on a second...
Brad looks at his watch. Secretary and Caretaker look at each other and laugh uproariously.
BRAD: It's...it's...
SECRETARY: (screaming) It's budget time!
CARETAKER: (singing) It's amazing (advances on Brad and Janet menacingly)SECRETARY and CARETAKER: (singing) With mortgage foreclosings
The Secretary and Caretaker back Brad and Janet into a hearing room where dozens of CONGRESSMEN and the SECRETARIES are cavorting about in unusual costumes.
ALL: (singing) Let's do the aardvark again!PROFESSOR: (at projector at head of the room) It's just a jump to the right
ALL: (singing) Without a trace of the le-eh-eh-eh-eh-eft
PROFESSOR: Cut the budget...overnight!
ALL: (singing) Leave social services bereftCARETAKER: (singing) With a bit of a flip-flop
SECRETARY: (singing) We watch as the rates drop
CARETAKER: (singing) Unemployment will never be the same
SECRETARY: (singing) It's a patriotic position
CARETAKER: (singing) Without a trace of sedition
ALL: (singing) Let's do the aardvark again!PROFESSOR: (getting excited) It's just a jump to the right
ALL: (singing) Without a trace of the le-eh-eh-eh-eh-eft
PROFESSOR: (jumping on the table) Cut the budget overnight!
ALL: (singing) Leave social services bereftPROFESSOR: (hysterical) It's just a jump to the right
ALL: (singing) Without a trace of the le-eh-eh-eh-eh-eft
PROFESSOR: Cut the budget overnight!
ALL: (singing) Leave social services bereftAll fall down, laughing, except Brad, Janet, Caretaker, Secretary and Little Mel.
BRAD: (to Little Mel) Where are we? Is this some kind of hell?
LITTLE MEL: Naah. It's just a budget meeting.
Janet faints in Brad's arms as the curtain comes down.
(with profuse apologies to Richard O'Brien)
