Andy, sitting in the booth outside the Jack and Ethel Daniels Room, drummed his fingers on the top of the pay phone and summoned up the courage to phone home. He hadn't been there in just over a week, and he suspected that his wife might be cross. His fingers came into contact with the small pile of coins, and Andy made his move.
"Hello, Florence?"
"Andrew? Where are you?"
"At the office."
"The office? I haven't seen you since last Wednesday!"
"I know. I'm sorry. I've been really, really busy." Andrew tried to sound tired. "The boss asked me to stay the week and help out with this Graham cracker account...it was crumbling before our very eyes! I haven't slept since Sunday afternoon..."
"Poor Andrew," Florence said, unconvinced.
Andy hastily dropped a few coins into the large machine next to the telephone and, without looking very closely, pressed one of its buttons. "Don't you - yawn - believe me?"
"Let's just say that I've heard better ones on Steven Spielberg's Amazing Stories," Florence responded.
"Well, just listen for a second, okay?" Andy help the phone up in the booth. Although he expected the sounds of clacking typewriters, shuffling papers and general office hubbub, he received a single jet plane's ear-splitting screech.
"You phoned me up so that I could listen to an airplane?" Florence asked, smirking. "I have heard them before, you know."
"Oh...that just flew over the building," Andy nervously explained. "It'll be gone in a second. Then, listen..."
As the roar of the plane died, the whistle of falling bombs could be heard. Suddenly, the booth was literally rocked by the sound of explosions. Andy jumped, knocking his shins and elbows in the confined space of the booth. Soon, gunshots and muffled shouts were added to the noise.
"Andy?" Florence shouted. "Are you alright?"
"My god," Andy stated, aghast. "A war's broken out!"
"War?" Florence asked, halfway between skepticism and fright.
Andy decided to brazen out his mistake. "Yes, it's war. I warned them that last budget wasn't going to go through, but I never dreamed it would come to this!" Andy crossed his fingers and was silently thankful that he hadn't pressed the button that would have given him the sounds of an orgy.
"Andy..."
"Oh, the horror! The horror!" Tanks rolled through the phone booth, rumbling ominously. "I knew -" somebody screamed shrilly, gurgled a bit and fell to the ground, still. "Henderson in Accounting has been hit! I knew the economy hadn't been doing that well, but I had no idea -" Several planes roared overhead.
"Andy? What's happening?"
"If I'm correct," Andy shouted into the mouthpiece, "The Research Department has barricaded itself into its section of 12th floor!" Andy wasn't sure if he could be heard above the din. "They've been using weapons they developed against General records, and - oh, my god! Is that...gas? Swine! Haven't you heard of the Geneva Convention!"
A couple passed by the booth, saw Andy angrily shaking his fist and, looking at him as if he were insane, sped off. Somebody shouted, "Duck!" Andy flinched.
"Andrew?" Florence hesitated to ask, unable to keep concern out of her voice completely.
"I'm okay," Andy assured her. "I'm okay, Florence. But, if that bullet had been six inches to the left, I would have been a goner for sure!"
"Oh, Andy!"
"Listen. Things are pretty hectic at the moment. Why don't I -" Andy started, but the sound effects abruptly stopped. A pleasant female voice stated, "Your three minutes are up. If you would like another three minutes of battle sound effects, please deposit another 50 cents. If not, there are 14 other effects for your lying pleasure. Thank you for using our service..."
Florence was silent for a minute, carefully wording what she was going to say and allowing her anger to build. Andy was too embarrassed to say anything. For once, the silence in the booth was real.
"Oh, Andy," Florence finally said with contempt, "even with the best technology the 20th century has to offer, you still can't lie like a miserable lowlife properly!"
"Listen, Florence..." Andy weakly said.
"What happened? Did you lose your job?"
"Well, yes..." Andy thought he could hear another voice on the line. A man's voice. "Florence?" he suspiciously asked. "Who was that?"
"Wh...who do you mean, dear?" Florence asked, not quite innocently enough to satisfy her husband.
"That man!" Andy shouted, although there was no longer any need to. It was definitely a man's voice, and it sounded too close to Florence.
"Oh...that was just...the television," Florence told him, not very convincingly. "You know I can't live without Front Page Challenge!"
"I'm coming home right away!"
"Oh, but aren't you needed at the -"
"I'll see you in 10 minutes!"
"Bye," Florence said into the receiver, although Andy had already hung up. Florence looked at the bulky machine she had rented three days earlier. It had patiently waited on the floor next to her bed for just this moment. She listened to the very masculine sounding gibberish coming from it and wondered: "Now, where can I hide you from my husband until you can be picked up?"
