Curtain up on a typical office. HODGKISS sits behind a desk, looking through some papers. His intercom buzzes.
SECRETARY: (on intercom) Mr. Hodgkiss, a Mr. Wingnut is here to see you.
HODGKISS: (into intercom) Wingnut? Do I have an appointment with him?
SECRETARY: (on intercom) No, sir.
HODGKISS: (into intercom) Then, send him away.
Hodgkiss holds papers over the intercom and rustles them meaningfully.
HODGKISS: (into intercom) I'm busy.
SECRETARY: (on intercom) Yes, sir.
Hodgkiss returns to reading his papers. A commotion can be heard coming through the door, and he looks up. Soon, WINGUNT enters, SECRETARY trailing.
SECRETARY: I'm sorry, sir.
WINGNUT: Gerald, I have to talk to you!
HODGKISS: Okay, Roxy. Thanks, Grace. (Secretary exits) What is it?
WINGNUT: The Conservative budget comes down tomorrow...
HODGKISS: Yes. So?
WINGNUT: So, what do you have for blood, Gerald? Anti-freeze? All of our jobs are on the line, here!
HODGKISS: I'm not worried. The Department of Arctic Art Appreciation is a necessary government service. Without us, think of all those great artists whose work might never be known.
WINGNUT: Oh, yes? Like who?
HODGKISS: Now, your department is another matter altogether...
WINGNUT: (defensive) The Department of Pelican Protection is important!
HODGKISS: (impatient) There are no pelicans in Canada!
WINGNUT: That's why we're so important! (REAPER quietly enters)
HODGKISS: Look, Roxy, I have a lot of... (notices Reaper standing by far wall) Who...who are you?
WINGNUT: You know me, Gerald. Roxy Wingnut. We work to -
HODGKISS: Don't you see him?
WINGNUT: (turns to look at wall) See who?
HODGKISS: The big figure dressed in black. The one with the large scythe with a very sharp blade. For god's sake, Roxy, the ugly looking -
REAPER: (menacing) Watch it!
HODGKISS: Sorry.
WINGNUT: Who are you talking to?
REAPER: He can't see or hear me, Gerald. Lose the twerp.
HODGKISS: Yeah...sure. Roxy, I...I have an appointment with somebody else, now. You know how it is...
WINGNUT: Yeah. Sure, Gerald. (rises) I should get back to my phone...
HODGKISS: (rises) Yeah. Do that.
WINGNUT: Never know when that call is going to -
Hodgkiss hustles Wingnut out the door and walks up to the Reaper.
HODGKISS: I...I know who you are. And, you know something? I'm not afraid of you. If it is my time to go, I'll go. I've led a pretty good life, and...
REAPER: Gerald, lighten up, will you? Who said anything about dying?
HODGKISS: (confused) Aren't you death?
REAPER: (embarrassed) Well, yes. But, in my spare time, I do odd jobs. I've been hired by the government to tell you that your civil service career is over.
HODGKISS: My...what? (falls to his knees, sobbing) You...you can't do this to me! I'm only 37! I've got my whole career ahead of me! Please! Please! Take Roxy, instead!
REAPER: Mr. Hodgkiss, please. This is so...undignified.
HODGKISS: What do you want? Money? Women? A tax break? I can arrange -
REAPER: (helps him up) Mr. Hodgkiss, please! You should know that I am beyond such temptations. That's why the government is using me.
HODGKISS: (collapses in chair) Why does this have to happen to me?
REAPER: (philosophically) To everything, there is a season, Mr. Hodgkiss.
HODGKISS: Yes, but why does it have to be my turn, turn...turn?
REAPER: (looks at hourglass on his wrist) I have a little time. Let me try to explain why this must happen to you...
(singing) On the morning after an electionHODGKISS: You're heartless!
REAPER: (shrugging) It's a living. You'll be notified by registered letter in the morning, of course.
HODGKISS: You mean, I'm not going with you?
REAPER: I'm sorry.
HODGKISS: Can't we...play chess or something?
REAPER: You've been watching too many Bergman films. I've gotta go.
HODGKISS: But, wait. Wait...! (Reaper exits) What am I going to do?
Curtain.
(with many plenty apologies to Al Stewart)
