Rick Perry for President!
The most important thing you need to know about Rick Perry is that he loves America. "I think you want a president who is passionate about America - that's in love with America," he said, and every time he props his leg up on a hay bale, his love for America is obvious.
Some people might be confused about this because Rick Perry also said: "Texas is a unique place. When we came into the union in 1845, one of the issues was that we would be able to leave if we decided to do that...We've got a great union. There's absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, who knows what may come of that?" How can somebody who loves America want to break it apart, those some people might ask.
Well, it's because Rick Perry loves the Platonic ideal of what America is about, and he would rather see Texas secede from the union than continue to be part of it if it doesn't live up to his idea of what it should be. What greater love could a man possibly have for his country?
Rick Perry for President!
"One of the reasons that I'm running for president is I want to make sure that every young man and woman who puts on the uniform of the United States respects highly the president of the United States," Rick Perry said. Okay, this may require a bit of interpretation. Rick Perry wasn't suggesting that the military doesn't respect President Obama; he was saying the respect level for the current president is only at blue, and that, if he was president, it would be red. You see, Rick Perry's military respect level goes all the way up to eleve -
"And if I hurt the president's feelings," Rick Perry said, "well, with all due respect, I love my country and I love future generations more than I care about his feelings." And, it speaks well of him that he is willing to put country first and dis a sitting president. Thank goodness he wasn't referring to a Republican president, because then we would have to rally around him because the unity of the country would demand it. And, this is not a contradiction because...umm...it's not because...because...
Rick Perry for President!
Yeah. Umm. Well. You know, Rick Perry once said: "I think there's enough holes in the theory of evolution to, you know, say there are some holes in that theory." You can't argue with that because, well, that's just not a statement you can argue with.
On the subject of evolution, Rick Perry has also said that: "It's a theory that's out there, and it's got some gas in it. In Texas we teach both creationism and evolution in our public schools...because I think you're smart enough to figure out which one is right." Except they don't actually teach creationism, because that was too closely linked with religion; they teach intelligent design. Except, they don't actually teach that, either, because the textbooks that include intelligent design haven't been approved by the state yet.
Okay, look, people on the campaign trail often speak off the cuff and can make small mistakes. You would think that a governor would know what was going on in his own state, but, you know, shit happens.
Rick Perry for President!
Yeah, okay, umm, in his book Fed Up!, Rick Perry called the very popular Social Security programme "a crumbling monument to the failure of the New Deal" and a "Ponzi scheme." But, he has matured and grown since he wrote that...umm...a year ago...and his position has become more sophisticated since he...umm...said it last week.
"If this guy prints more money between now and the election, I don't know what you all would do to him in Iowa, but we would treat him pretty ugly down in Texas," Rick Perry said about Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke. "Printing more money to play politics at this particular time in American history is almost treacherous – or treasonous in my opinion."
Yeah, you see, pursuing a monetary policy that Rick Perry doesn't agree with is treason and deserves to be treated with threats of violence because...umm...you know...
Rick Perry for President!
Really? Why would I want to support this anti-American douchebag?