Puns Are The Lowest Form of Humour, Except on Twitter...

I don't like sports computer games; you could say I'm far from the Madden crowd...
Are people who fix Australian airplanes at a sub-atomic level Qantas mechanics?
Why do insurgent armies kidnap those under 18 and make them fight? It takes a child to raze a village...
When in VR, a man's eyes are naturally drawn to the seem in a woman's stockings...
When I do carpentry in Florida, I always use a Miami Vise...
Ellery weighs more than I do - you could say that he beat me to the paunch...
Is a sputtering rocket an Incontinental Ballistic Missile?
When Rachel isn't acting, is she an idle Weiss
I didn't care for the skinny black avatar; I found her eBony...
Do people tracking when I listen to Handel online use Oratorio cookies?
Caveat Lector: let the buyer eat the seller's liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti...
I may prefer some cheeses over others, but, in the end, it's all gouda...
Waddya mean a horse was born? Aww, you can't foal me!
Is a good reporter for an Italian morning newspaper a buon journo?
Are Karan's best fashions prima Donna?
I hate driving underground with a full vehicle. My doctor says I have carpool tunnel syndrome...
When watching 19th century comedy, I always expect someone to say: "Let us repartee to the drawing room..."
I didn't have my coffee this morning because I hadn't urned it...
To ensure that he does not reproduce, it is necessary to gild the Lilliputian...
Was the musical about lawns written by Stephen Sodheim?
The CIA agent who tracked down the hacker after midnight was on a nocturnal e-mission...
Alan went to the Missouri Medieval Faire singing "Mead Me in St. Louis..."
Are people who keep mementos of the roadkill they've come across engaged in scrapebooking?
Cavemen who wrapped their meat in bacon lived in the cro mignon era...
The fool who argues about which Enterprise Captain was the toughest is invariably hoist by his own Picard...
Filing for proof of the crime in Texas requires a Habeus Corpus Christi...
Catholics who got religious rites from a new Priest had to ask themselves: "Who was that mass man?"
The overweight woman's eyes were lipid pools...
Nordic humor? I Lapp it up...
Just thinking about Hindu gods sends a Shiva down my spine!
Would a sequel to The Name of the Rose be an Umberto Echo?
When you cross a border with your dog in your bag, are you trying to sneak a Peke?
It was hard to meet my doctor about my Blackberry rash - fortunately, there's an app ointment for that...
Remember when we were so poor we ate cheese 7 nights a week? Ah, gouda times...
Don't fear your inner ermine - be stoat of heart!
As Joseph Campbell said to the defensive end: follow your blitz...
Insomnia? I hear there's a nap for that...
What happens when death takes a holiday? Reapercussions...
I guess you could say my love life is a comedy of eros...
When the seven musicians couldn't agree on what song to play, they had become a deviated septet...
People who abuse their credit cards have a debt wish...
Got to get past an angry ursine? Well, that's your bear to cross...
Not sure how steep to make the slanted edge, I decided it's best to go with the bevel you know...
Would a thinly fictionalized novel about Dice be a Roman a Clay?
I'm not saying she's egotistical, but she seems to have inherited her father's Is...
The doctor wouldn't diagnose measles because he didn't want to be rash...
I have no time for Fox News, even though I know that slime waits for no man...
When Bonita didn't gush when she gave him a bone, Fido had to figure out what the silent treat meant...
You won the boat race? Regatta boy!
When I want to know somebody's proficiency in sign language, I always ask: "Are you deft?"
Silent film comedians were judged on their piety...
When I surprise my love, she looks like a dear caught in headlights...
Are suggestive gardeners dirty hoers?
Are people who give skiing lessons speaking truth to powder?
I considering changing what I ate for breakfast, but I didn't want to be an eggs Benedict Arnold...
I couldn't remember the name of my favourite fruit. What can I say? I'm a little sloe...
Those who do not get their betting line from Vegas should beware of false odds...
An octet of former Kids in the Hall fans with great skin is an ex-Foley eight...