Headlines Are Sorry They Got Drunk at Your Sister's Wedding

But...How Do We Know They're Telling Him The Truth?

"City staff feel chill after TTC firing
Civil servants afraid to be honest, ombudsman says" - Toronto Star

Headline Not Hyperbolic
Everybody Knows Nazis Were Big On Universal Health Care

"The fiscal tyranny of health care uber alles" - Globe and Mail

Awful Alliteration Alienates Architects

"Democracy duel divides Durham" - Toronto Star

Want To Join My Pool Predicting How Long THAT Promise Will Last?

"Canada won't drop tariffs as it pushes for pan-Pacific trade pact entry, Fast says" - National Post

...From Their Calendars? Wow - Their Union Is Stronger Than Anybody Imagined!

"Librarians threaten to strike Sunday" - Toronto Star

However, Crackers Are Easier To Swallow

"Free market talk goes with chopped liver" - Toronto Star

Hair Free From Nits An Important Quality In An Automotive Executive

"Ford considers grooming potential heir for Mulally" - Globe and Mail

First: Look Up The Proper Meaning Of The Word In The Dictionary

"How to be a successful synergist" - Globe and Mail

For A Moment, I Thought The Article Would Be About Men Wanting Vasectomies Reversed

"'We want our balls back'
Earl Beatty students refuse to roll over and accept safety ban on virtually all balls in their schoolyard" - Toronto Star

Can Sharks Cry Crocodile Tears?

"Sorry, folks, but this protest's in danger of fizzling out" - Globe and Mail

Guards Not Prepared To Deal With Public Reaction To New Crossing Rules

"Still no defibrillators at border, union says" - Toronto Star

Please Don't Ask What Is Being Euphemized Here
Image Will Stick In Brain For Weeks!

"Not your grandfather's pumpkins" - Toronto Star

"All Things To All People" Was Supposed To Refer To His Products, Not His Life

"What Steve Jobs learned, and why it matters" - Globe and Mail

"'i' culture stemmed from Jobs: Chief Rabbi Consumerism the quickest way to unhappiness" - National Post

"Canada, like Steve Jobs, should zero in on innovation" - Globe and Mail

And, The Hash Browns Will Make You Suicidal

"THE MORNING AFTER
An omelette to make you weep" - Toronto Star

It Will Be The Don Of A New Day

"Cherry hopes to 'go out on his shield'" - National Post

Hopes It Will Work With City Council

"Ford invests in anti-gridlock technology" - Globe and Mail

Good Thing After Starring In Turkey, He Won't Have It For Long

"John Carter's Kitsch no fan of celebrity" - Toronto Star

Count On It!

"There's no such thing as a sure thing" - National Post

Why Company Is Attacking Its Own Manager Something Of A Mystery

"Disney defends attacks on Bob Iger's role, salary" - Globe and Mail

There Must Be A Joke About "Swallowing That" Somewhere In There, But I Don't Have The Stomach To Make It

"Food makers try to hikes prices, even as the ingredients get cheaper" - Globe and Mail

Especially When They Access It On Their Cellphobe

"This technophone loves Twitter" - Toronto Star

Cause Young People Already Have Too Much AWESOME In Their Lives!

"INSPIRED BY TRUE STORIES
Despite the realistic portrayal of U.S. Navy SEALs in Act of Valor, the film's directors think it acts as a 'anti-recruitment' advertisement" - National Post

Spewing Inane Orthodoxies To Calm The Sheep As They Are Being Fleeced?

"Journalism's crucial role in financial market integrity" - Globe and Mail

Pollute As Much As You Want - Other Provinces Will Clean Up The Mess

"Ontario's clean power a lesson for Alberta" - Toronto Star

Apparently, It's Square To Be Hip

"Beards. Plaid shirts. But don't call them hipsters any more" - Globe and Mail

Then Spits It Out Because It Doesn't Have A System That Can Digest Fried Foods

"Early bird catches the doughnut" - Toronto Star

How Many Different Ways Can You Find That This Headline Is Wrong?

"DO YOUR OWN BLOW" - The Kit

Odds Get Much Better When They're Told Alternative Is Higher Taxes

"Adding casinos a bad bet, poll finds
Ontario public sees little to like in OLG's sweeping plan to expand gambling" - Toronto Star

Markets Twirl Hair In Fingers, Start To Bite Nails
Parents Tell Them To Get Over Nasty Habits

"Markets fret over global hurdles
New worries about slowdown in China and Europe's debt crisis undercut recent stock rally" - Globe and Mail

Especially If You Pour It Over The Head Of The Jerk Who Dumped You

"It takes more to mend a heart than a can of paint, but it's a start" - The Grid

Damn Straight! How Is Ketchup Supposed To Help A High Tech Firm?

"Markets not betting on Heins-led revival at RIM" - Toronto Star